Learning more about myself, how hard it is to be my true self | Daniel Marshall Adventures

One of the main issues in my life, is my creative and my brain not stopping thinking about things that i feel the need to express myself via here and other sites.

I did have planned to write 2 other blog posts one about my weekend just gone and another about 10 things that make who i am, but instead i have chosen to write another post about mental health and about my life.

The other day i decided to buy just a very simple note pad ,... why?

well I was brought up with technology i can write a very long blog post in about a hour, it does not hurt my hands writing and i much pefer using a computer.
I use devices to right ideas down and back things up, which sometimes get lost or get up being deleted.

When i was at college i used to love writing on paper, notes from my college courses and even stories.
I feel that we use technology to much, and sometimes you just need to tear yourself away from it and let your ideas flow, get some fresh air and just relax.
I would never say that i would go away from technology forever because it is who i am but i do want to start being able even if its a hour a day, write in my note pad, draw and then have something to look back that i had created.

as you can see from the picture i had no idea what went through my mind when i started drawing.
even a kid can draw better then me !!!!


This is again down to being so used to technology, The last 2 years of school, we had to pick 3 subjects that we wanted to study onto of our normal ones.
None of my choices were pick and i got dealt with Geography, Textiles and double art.
I had also put myself down once a week to do a college course type thing, to learn music Technology.
which was on the days of the double art which meant that on top of not liking art and not being able to draw even a simple house etc, I was miles behind on my work, and did not get a grade for Art.
This did not bother me and went on to further study music Technology.

So yeah sometimes when you have ideas and you cant draw they do not go the way you want to, and i even had to laugh at what i had created.

The first page was going to be like a hey here is my Intro to the book sort of thing.
I got ideas of the net of making the word Projects into different funny ideas which then looked a mess after.
I tired to join letter together to make it look cool, and then decided since it did not turn out the way i hope just to draw anything, really is just a mess to be honest lol, but that is about of me and my life.
Often people will discard something they have done because of fear of being laughed at or it being horrible i say, to heck what people think, its a page in your chapter of life, something to be proud of and something you know you can laugh about as well (:

so far i have only written a tiny bit on one page that was meant to be talking about how a day went but i need to learn to get used to writing with a pen again (:

This weekend what has just gone really got me thinking about the true me just wishing could be there all the time.

My friends invited me to go out Drinking something i hardly ever do because its not me, the only time i will ever have a drink is on special occasions or at Christmas.
Whenever i do drink its been at home and never out and about in town.
over the last year that has changed as i have been on a few nights out, and been able to draw the real me out.

one of many reasons why i also not go out, with mates is the fact of my anxiety, my chest becomes tight and i wouldnt say i feel scared but i feel not right being there, i dont know how to act or what to say, i become like a stick figure, while mates are chatting to each other i am just sat or standing there looking around or down at my phone, they try to get me involved but again i do not talk much.
Its also a confidence issue one that has been damaged so much due to my past.
So when the night comes where i decide to drink, its amazing and a experience i could have more often.
Not for the getting drunk but being able to be who i want to be in that moment instead of holding it back.
last weekend, was one of the staffs birthdays at the gym i go to, we all talked between us on how to surprise a little get together, for drinks in town.
I dressed for the occasion and as me and my friends approached the place i suddenly felt  overwhelmed how busy it was but also how many people i knew from the gym that was there.
I froze and not sure how to act, even more so when hugs was involved i bunched up and felt really shy.
Now for someone who can deliver businesses pitches and go on radio, says a lot about my day to day real life interactions with people when its just a get together.
The best music ever was going off, stuff that i like to dance to at home, when listing to music, jump up and down and be myself.
I had a few drinks, and watched people dancing, the more i watched the more i wanted to just shove my body into where everyone was and start dancing but again, i could not get my brain to get over the fear.

That said as the night went on, i started to become less worried, and more in the zone and listing to the beats of the music, ( when really i was totally drunk haha )

A couple of people started dancing with me and it felt great just letting my hair down and living the moment, i only remember these events half way through the next day and there will always be moments that you cant remember either (:

That is the feeling i want everyday, to be confident because i know i can be.
sometimes my brain lives to much in a very fantasy world, that when its in reality it does not like it.
Something i never thought i would say or the fact of  believing is i suppose I expect people to talk to me, to make the first move so to speak.
Many times when playing pool, or just sat in a pub i have wanted to start up a chat with someone but choice to not go down that path.
I always seem to need a kick in that direction, meaning someone to start the convo off before i am able to at least be a little like myself and feel more relaxed.
Its a circle that is always getting worse at the moment that i want to be social and make friends, yet i find it increasingly harder every day to be confident, i choose to shut myself in my room and write this blogs for example because this to me is my fantasy world a place where i dont have to think what people think of me, how i look etc i can just say what i want so to speak.
If only the love and passion i put into things like photography and helping the community via again technology based things could cross over into the normal day to day me !!!

I have come to realise that other then getting drunk, to bring myself out, sport is one of those ways to,
Its the pleasure side of my brain that i crave all the time.
If i am super happy, playing tennis, running or even pool that i am not finding off the enivorment around me, just the moment that is happening then i feel fine, and again comfy.

I think that is one of many reasons why i had being stuck in my room, and why i end up in body pain most days because of over doing it with physically activities.

For example i can have 4 hours of tennis, come home feeling happy because i enjoyed it but also wanting to cry because i am in pain so much, because i have to give it everything i have got in order to be happy.
If i am not trying 100 percent and the things i love, that feeling of something not quite right creeps in, which then gets me finding off bad things.

After resting on the day i did 4 hours of tennis, all i wanted to do was watch tv all day, but all the time i was my brain, or body i do not know which was still wanting to work out and do something.

After sitting looking at the walls for many mins, i gave in and went to a a gym class, which again i enjoyed but again i had to push through that pain barrier resulting in waking up the next day, hardly being able to move, and feeling very low and upset, again the circle of my life.
When i am doing these things i feel alive, i feel happy and i feel myself, that i suppose i try to cling onto those moments the longest i can before i enter my sad depression state.

Why can i not be the person i am, that all comes down to the lack of support where i live from the NHS and the mental health services a year and a half after trying to fix a least a part of me i am no closer to getting any answers or assesments.

It gets that bad that the people you hang around with who know you more then these services start to put together their own thoughts on i may have wrong with me and things that might help.

The other day when playing tennis i had a good talk with someone who said that i might be BI polor.
which i think in some ways i might just be, most people when they feel down and normally get over it or know the cause of why they feel that way.
For me out of nowhere of feeling happy, i can into a circle of feeling so low i start to feel upset just for no reason, and nothing i do, which btw i have tried a exuashing lists of things will not snap me out of it.
The only thing that does is to let it take its course, weather that be a hour or a day, and then hope the next day wont be the same.
One of the things that makes peoples confidence levels so low is the fact that some people still choose to look down or not even talk to those who have these issues.
when all we are trying to do is live our lives just like everyone else !!!
I talked to someone ages a go who blocked me because i defended myself on a topic of mental health.
I was explaining about how everyone at some point in there life will suffer from mental health, which is a lot of thing, from depression, aniexty etc not just depression which mental health seems to have a bad stigma for pointing the condition on.

You cant see yourself how your going to be in the future, if you did not have a bad day in your whole life, where you felt a bit low, upset, aniexty etc then you are not human.
This person said well i dont see myself ever having a issue, and think that you need to get over it and try more.
my reply was, before you look down on others and give them advice that you can not give, how about you eduate yourself on the topic first (:

which is the truth if anyone ever says to you, oh just get over it, or something that you know is just  patronising then get rid of that person from your life, block them, do not speak to them etc.
you dont need people who are going to undermine you and treat you like your a monster with a illness.
instead do what i have done bulid a community of people that do understand and are there to listen and help.
it wont solve the issue but on some days that you feel bad, at least you have a chance of feeling better (:

When i look at my life now to what it was a year a go, i have come a long way, and changed the person i was so much.
In other way i see myself going backwards, i feel less confident to talk to others then i did 6 months a go, and i feel the more days i can not get help the more days i do now know who i am and what i am suppose to do in life.

when i look in a mirror i see so much potential in myself  that others can also see and have even said to me as well.
yet my lack of confidence among other things is my downfall, to doing what i want in life.

some people have called me a dark horse, in the fact that people are shocked at the things i can do, when i really put my mind to it, like making videos etc.

I know inside there are so many things i have not yet telled people or shown because again the lack of fear, etc.

I have proven to myself and people that i am a strong person, and that i can almost live by myself, because i am capable of being independent.

However there are a lot of days again when i feel low and do not want to do anything that the house becomes a mess, my life becomes a mess, and days where the walls seem to ever get smaller.

I walk around town seeing mates laugh with each other, going on days out to watch a football match, mates having a meal catching up, and just enjoying themselfs.
wishing i could have that if only i could drag myself away from a computer tune my brain to be the person i am when talking online.

Another topic which i defended myself again was about being in a relationship with someone who has as society puts is mental health issues, slapping a tittle on a person.

Saying that a lot of people tend to avoid being with someone who has these issues due to it affecting their lives.

People who get on with someone so well, they really like them but have to turn them down because of this.

My opinion is this if you love someone that much you will learn to cope with them, you will bond and help each other grow, and go through the hard times.
most of the time being with someone can not necessary fix that person but it gives them a new meaning to there live.
it will make them try harder in life, they will feel more comfy safe and be able to be the person they want to be because that person listens to them and knows how to help.

Like i said above we all suffer at one point so saying to yourself oh i cant be seen with someone who feels down or upset well, i guess you will be putting a question online when you get dumped if you have a bad day and that person does that to you hey???

I seriously do think that before people judge someone who has problems, its best to sit down and talk understand them, then take your time to understand the topic of mental health, and that way that person who is dealing with something, suddenly you know they are a good person just struggles a little bit.
we are all unique people, who can do something that someone else cant, there are so many things to do in life, because we can all do different things, its time we start embracing that instead of looking down on those who cant do the same things as you.

Next week i am attending a meeting, about the welfare in Lincolnshire, looking at the course of the way the funding and the support is going to go over the next few years.
I have questions i am going to ask, and i will be filming it as well because its about time, something is done about how the mental health system works !!!

I will also keep helping people at tennis and in life who suffers from problems because i may not listen to my own advice but i like talking to people i like listening and helping.
its true that people with the same issues as you are bound to understand each other better then people who do not know you, and know how to come across.

I will keep pushing my body and doing the things i love because what more can i do, if it means hurting myself to feel happy even just for a hour then i will do it.

I only hope that one day, people can find this blog, and take something from it, that instead of being told to get over it, no!!!  instead embrace who you are, find the people that will listen, and do what you love, not for someone else, not because you have to but because you want to (:


Thank you for reading this moan-e blog but again if i can help just one person feel a bit better i will, if i can feel better by writing this i will, and if i help people understand me better then i will keep trying to be more open, everyday !!!! (:

My Adventures, The Coach To 5k Course with Grantham Running Club !!! | DanielMarshallAdventures

Over the past Few months I have put up a few posts about Grantham Running club, and i mentioned at the start of the Coach to 5k that i would write about the course as a whole as the finish line, so here we go !!!!

12 weeks a go i started the biggest challenge in my life, 12 weeks a go, I was unfit, and very nervous about the challenge ahead.

I had attempted to Join the running club in 2016, only a few weeks after the coach to 5k has ended and at the time Running was something not on my mind, until I looked on google about things to do In Grantham.

Should i have looked the club up sooner, I can honestly say that everything happens for a reason, and that no i should of not, at the time which I will explain later on.

I had only attended 3 run sessions in 2016 when i decided that i was struggling to much and it was not for me.

As 2017 started it was a year that i needed things to change in my life, diet, fitness, strength and a whole bunch of things.

I noticed the club was putting the course back on, and so i attended my first session,
The idea of it being the group met on a Monday and Wednesday for 12 weeks.

Shock and fear took over my emotions when i arrived at the tennis club as around 80 people turned up. The running sessions was held at the Tennis club, this was great to see 2 businesses networking with each other (:


me being well me, I kept myself to myself as i do not cope well in big groups.
The group got split into people wanting to aim to do 10k and 5k,
The 5k group set out, going through  running furrows which is a pubic foot path, on the right a sports field which i think is owned by a school, to the left, a railway bridge, and as you go down the path, you are surrounded by the lovely nature.
This then opens ups to many streets and heading towards manthorpe.
We was told it would be 2 mins of walking and 1 min of running, just to get everyone used to it.

I think we did around 20-25 mins, we make sure before and after every session to always stretch our muscles, as with any form of exercise you do you always need to warm up and cool down.

And as the weeks got going, we extended the time of running, and the 5k group was split into 3 groups, Group A being the group that wanted to do the 5k as a faster pace.

By week 4 we was doing 20mins of running without a break, and i was starting to really struggle with maintaining my pace.
I would have stages of feeling great followed by sharp pains, that for me going at the pace i was i just could not keep it going, it became go full pelt for a minute and cause more pain or just stop.

Stop not being who i am hehe, for the next few weeks as we reached our first 5k distance, the run leaders were helping me by reminding me to slow down and i started to get used to it.

Penny who helped me in 2016 with the running was someone i kept looking up to for inspiration as she was a amazing run leader, pushing us but also having great laughs and helping us reach our goals.

By week 7 we was already going off road, through narrow paths, uphills and seeing the wonderful views of Grantham, as we set off, around Great Gonerby.

I noticed in our Facebook Group that people was talking about going on their first park,run which is global event, helping encouraging people to enjoy running.
In Grantham there is one held at Belton house most weekends.

It is a 2 lap course which is 5k, so i thought with already reaching 5k i would give it a try.

It was not what i expected, with over 300 runners, and you have no idea how to control your pace with so many people around you, you think your going at the right pace until you reach the second lap and then it hits you.



I told myself i never wanted to do a park run again, well i have now done 4 so yeah that happened lol, ill explain more about why i decided to keep going back later on.

I came back after a horrible park run to do the best running since starting at the club, and i was well happy.

Then i suffered my first, minor leg pain, because i do so much physically activities, it took its tole, and only for a week i had to miss running, tennis and gym, to me this felt like longer as i love everything i do, and missing out and being around people just made it worse.

again i came back even stronger as i went on my second park run and managed to get a time of just under 30 minutes.




But that could not of happen if it was not for some of the amazing runners from the group who i got talked to, who kept pushing me, to keep going.
I feel that the i enjoy sport more when i am being competitive i want to always achieving more and more, and although the park run is tough, i still want to keep going to more because i know if i can control my pacing i can do awesome (:

with only 3 weeks left to the end of the course , we all had some surprises and different challenges.
One of which was the club got invited to go to Ropsley

The idea was to run at a different location but then able to all get together to have a BBQ !!!



The Pub may not be much from the outside but it has a wonderful sitting area inside and a big outside space for when its nice in the summer.



We was told there would be 3 routes we could choose to be in, 5k, 6 miles and 10k i think not sure 100 percent on the route mileage.
Anyway i was over hearing the fun, of what the run leaders were discussing about the routes.
Our run leader, had this big map and was being told go down here, turn left do this and that lol
All i can say is i am not surprise we ended up doing over 5 miles instead of 5k, even i would of been confused where we was going from a map and remembering it off by heart hehe (:

This was the toughest run i had ever faced, in blazing heat about 25 degrees, with no shade, and no wind.

Straights that seemed like a mirage that went on forever, massive uphill parts, all of us was really struggling,
Most of our groups set off at their normal pace thinking it would be ok as we was going to do 5k well at one point if we had not turned out some signs we would of done 10 miles lol.





Trust me when i say that from that picture it may look nice but its such a demanding course.
The countryside itself yes is amazing.
I was glad i went for the experience, and the atmosphere of talking to people.
I was to tired to even think about food with not feeling great either because of the sun, some of the runners can do great in the sun and love in but nope not me anything over 20 and i really struggle.

I managed to get a drink and sit down, while everyone was getting food and it was really tempting as there was burgers, sausages chips and much more.





I would like to go again maybe once i know i can run in the heat and that i have got at least 10k under my belt !!!

Which leads me onto my next challenge the coach to 5k and 10k was invited to do one of the running club sessions starting from the normal location of the meres leisure centre in Grantham.
The task was to run Through the canal and see how far you could reach within 20 minutes and then beat it next month.

This was even more important to me then Ropsley as this was my revenge course.
I had run down the canal 2 times before last year when i had joined the club and struggled.
So I needed to know how much progress i had made since then.

Half way through as with some of the run sessions i got a bit of pain but shock it off and was like even if it hurts i am doing this, and in 20mins i managed to reach 3k.

I was drained when our runner leader which was led by penny for the session said come on your running it back !!!!

I was like your kidding right, nope you can do this Daniel and you know what because she kept me talking most of the way and pushing me to keep going, i some how ran faster on the way back.

which meant not only did i get much further then i did last year, but i ran 7k in total !!!!

the first time ever minus the over 5 mile run which i did a lot of stops and walking on.

entering the last week, penny was not letting it off so easy as we ended up doing another 7k run.
This time Through even more narrows paths, more steep hills, and in very tricky hot weather.

Overall with struggling a little i just managed to keep pushing and complete the run, with some great laughs and adventures along the way !!!



Half way through the run our run leader took some amazing pictures that are now wonderful memories of the adventures of the running.




 I think even though i have 2 more pictures to show that i am in, and you would think that the one upcoming would be the one to remember, be more important. i think i love this picture the most because, it was a picture i look ok in lol, but also it was such a wonderful adventure day, Proving that we can all run more then just 5k !!! (:

So the last run of the course was up, and it had already been a hot week, with the last run being around 25 degrees, Taking more off road routes, I really struggled with this run the most, to say a few days before that i ran 7k and i could not even manage 3k, it really surprise you how much the heat can affect your performance.
Although it was another great run, with of course another epic photo of  some of the runners (:



 Onward to the weekend which saw the running club come Together, at the Tennis club once again for the Graduation of the runners taking part in the coach to 5k, and 10k, a epic BBQ and our very own Grantham Running club Shirts !!!!

I turned up wanting to look smart as i feel important events like that you just need to be hehe,
The tennis club staff were at hand, Inc The Manger Sarah Patton who also completed the coach to 5k, so well done for someone who on multiple times said she Didnt want to go hehe, but she did and achieved, showing shes not only a great tennis player, manager but a runner (:

The tennis club also arranged ratchet and balls for the kids that came along with their parents.
on a day where i am dressed not for tennis, and a day to rest and enjoy myself, i could not tear myselt away from Joining in (:
Playing against some of the run leaders and kids, making sure everyone got a go, but also being a little bit competitive wanting to show how good my tennis was haha (:

After a bit of tennis we all went over to the best Hog Roast in the world, stacks of meat, served to everyone, and it tasted epic, is all i can say.


I did not want to be cheeky and ask for more so i only had one lot.
It was not to long before i left everyone chatting and enjoying the food while yes i went to play more tennis ahh me hey what you going to do (:




here is just a selection of runners enjoying their food (:





After a hour we all got called as it was time for our shirts (:
A speech was said which the only thing missing was a mic so we could all hear it properly.
Names were read out, and everyone getting claps for achieving the course.

A bunch of people could not attend due to different reasons, which other people collected on their behalf to give to them at a later date (:

It was time for the group photo, and the thing about things like that is I wouldn't say hate being in photos but i get really shy, i also do not know how to act.
A few people went to hid in the back of the group so i followed but nope the run leader i look up to was not having none of that (:
I got made to be at the front and to be a part of the photo which in the end i am glad i was as i now have something to look back on, instead of being a group photo with me not in it lol.



Overall In my Opinion you just could not meet a more wonderful and caring community in Grantham.
Its amazing to see how much dedication and hard work, the club has put into, Building a community.
How its evolved over the years, and how little it costs to join a club,
Some may say why would i pay just to run with a group of people !!!???

I can tell you now, it will change your life forever being with the running club, sure you could run by yourself, and with headphones in, but being involved in something much bigger, its just such achievement for 24 pounds a year, you get to run on a weekly basis around Grantham, exploring, being a adventurous and outgoing person.

You get to have discounts on Races to compete in, the club also hosts many events across the year, like BBQ, Bowling and much more.
The experience of meeting new people and making friends is its own reward.

I could honestly say that i could not manage what i have done without the club, without the runners in the groups, the run leaders and the fun times.

For 24 pounds a year, you can not find anything in Grantham, for less with such benefits to your health its truly outstanding !!!


I enjoy ever moment that i am now continuing  with the club on my next adventure which is making my way to 10k (:

What breaks us only makes us stronger and at times i really struggled with the running, and i will probably struggle even more, but that is the whole part of the journey no matter what sport or physical activities you do, if you are not willing to push yourself to always achieve better in life then you are not trying hard enough.
Its the same with my tennis and gym, at points i wanted to give up, and heck i almost did, but because i had been open with my issues, and started to build a community around me.
They had my back and helped me snap out of worrying so much.

My next Targets for the running is to not only reach 10k but work on my speed with the park runs and aiming by next year to get myself under the 25 min mark !!!!

So i leave you with a collection of bonus pictures and the advice of  Weather your worried about your health or even running do not be, ok do not jump into trying to do 5k if you have not run much like i did last year, but if a running club near you does the same and has a course to work on getting in shape, and working your way to running more then what are you waiting for get out that door and have the most epic adventure of your life !!!!!!! hehe
This has been my adventure of the last 12 weeks thank you Grantham running Club, and the local community, and thank you readers for reading this very long post (:

Bonus pics !!!!!!!!!!!













Grantham running club Links
https://www.facebook.com/GranthamRunningClub/
https://twitter.com/GranthamRC
http://www.granthamrunningclub.co.uk/

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https://www.instagram.com/dmpadventures/

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Making Leaps & Bounds, My Second Park run Experience at Grantham | DanielMarshallAdventures

So only the other day i wrote about The Grantham Running club and how i managed not once but twice reaching 5k in one week.

Well it has not even been a full week and i have now completed 5k 3 times with my second park run experience yesterday which was the 20-05-17

On Thursday i went from feeling super happy, to miserable, not being able to enjoy playing tennis, or keeping my mind off bad thoughts.
Friday was just as bad as not only did the weather decide it was going to rain heavy but i picked up a nasty cold.

I let the people who was also going to the park run that i will let them know if i was going.
around 8pm i was not feeling any better but i thought if i dont go all i will do is sit in bed all day, feel more miserable and depressed.

I got to the park run in the morning, not setting myself any high goals due to not feeling great, as long as i got around my time of just under 37mins, from my first ever park run i would be happy.

One of the leaders penny, who has been a amazing run leader had been telling me weeks a go in the sessions to learn to pace myself.

She was also doing the park run today, and i have to say i now am aiming for her time and she is so quick.

Recently i made friends with someone, who understands about mental health, and have been getting along great with, so we set off, at the same pace, so i could control my pace and also have someone to talk to (:

Halfway around the first lap i started to slightly increase my speed nothing stupid like i did the first time were i nearly collapsed starting the second lap.
this time even though it was hard because of my chest and cold, i tried to focus on my breathing, taking note of my pace.

On the running sessions of this week and in the park run i noticed that the talks of pacing finally kicked in when i notice how fast my legs are going and know when to go much slower.

I kept looking back on the first lap of the park run, to make sure my friend was ok, and i was not going to fast.

on the straight to start the second lap, i got in the zone and more and more increased my pace.
I did however have to stop for multiple times as i could hardly breath but this was only for a few seconds rather then nearly a minute from the first park run.
I was also not in as much pain as i was the first time.




Just ahead of me i saw another friend, who i knew matched my pace, so i cranked it up and ran towards him.

He told me he went off to fast at the start and was struggling so i tried the best i could to keep motivating him and running with him so we could finish the run Together.
there were times in the second lap we were both struggling, but without helping each other, it would have been so much harder, and i knew myself i would of gave in the towel.

Only a few turns were left, i was saying to him come on we can do this think about the cake you can enjoy hehe.

Another chap who i didnt know was alongside us also giving us the drive to keep going.
its amazing, that its all in your brain, that your body can take so much more.
That having the people cheer you on and push you suddenly gives you extra tank of speed.

the first time i did the park run when i saw the loop to the finish i thought i could run the whole thing, but you dont realize the loop is much bigger then you think.

So this time i waited till i was level with belton house which is half way and gave it everything.
i even managed to come across the line running, before sinking into the grass completely wiped out.

I was so happy as not only did i know i did so much better then last time but i managed to complete the course, running at the end instead of walking.

The last time i did the course i must have lost about 3 minutes just walking to the finish line.

after resting for 10mins, i felt great, happy, not even tired, not feeling upset, the only thing i felt was my cold getting worse... whoops (:





Me and a few runners went to get some breakfast, talking about the run, the running course as much more.
I went to order some chips but sadly had to get a chocolate cake instead, which turned out a good thing lol, because it was to soon to get chips.

I kept looking at my phone waiting for a text to come through so i could see my results.
so instead i waited till i got signal, signed into park run, and my face just lit up and i was over the moon.
to say it was only my second park run, to say i was battling with a cold, and to say that i left last time, so upset because i struggled so much, what a difference this time was, proving that i do not just improve but make leaps and bounds

Belton House parkrun results for event #70. Your time was 00:29:59.Congratulations on completing your 2nd parkrun and your 2nd at Belton House parkrun today. You finished in 152nd place and were the 115th male out of a field of 361 parkrunners and you came 6th in your age category SM25-29

even my friend who i was running with towards the end, got his Personal best,  and was only just behind me.It was so hot as well, but  at least it did not rain,  Even Suzie Sparkles From Gravity Fm, did her second park run. Park run is a amazing free event, that its great to see so many runners,enter and enjoy themselves, its hard but its a good challenge. I have to admit from going off road with the running club the past 2 sessions that i enjoy the challenge of the bumps, the terrain, getting the strength to run uphill. For some reason even though it hurts to start with i am better with the off road running, then on flat ground. The park run at belton is tricky for me because its mostly flat, with the odd little bump. The most hard part is seeing the course, as you enter a turn, a straight and think i can do this. a few minutes later it feels like a mirage, what seemed like a small straight feels much longer. That for me throws me off big time, when i am with the running club its different. Although your told where abouts your running and for how long, there is no visable course. your also in a much smaller group, and get to talk more with each other. Park run is a global thing that is free, and just shows how keen people are to get out there. Enjoy themselfs and take park in something that can really help with your mental health. Penny who is the run leader in the coach to 5k group, gets around 20mins in the park run. which is just so so fast, and i have now said to her watch out as i aim to beat that. I aim by my 10th park run, to be getting 24 mins, and by the end of 2017 to be near penny,s time. which will be hard as i know she will keep getting faster as well (: I want to thank the people of the park run who take their time out to set this up. i also want to say a big thank you to the amazing photographers who capture such High quality images, and manage to capture so much as well. As you have been seeing in this blog the images are from the park run, which i will leave the links at the end of the post. Another of my running friends took some pictures, and then put this on my photo lol To think where i was in fitness last year to where i am now, i just keep getting stronger. I will be looking forward to the last few weeks of the coach to 5k with the running club. and then carrying on with the club after. i thought i would have to be miss a session on Monday due to having my first tennis match. At Grantham tennis club, but its had to be cancelled and now the next match will be played, at the club on the 8th June, so i have to get a lot of practice in for that (: Thank you for reading Photography of the event https://www.flickr.com/photos/126222129@N05/sets/72157680998153643 My social links  https://www.facebook.com/dmpphotographyuk/   https://twitter.com/DanMediaP https://twitter.com/HLincolnshire https://twitter.com/DMPWORLDMUSIC https://twitter.com/DanielMVlogs https://www.instagram.com/dmpadventures/ http://dannytheexplorer.tumblr.com/ http://dmpuk.weebly.com/

  

Hitting my Target of running 5k with Grantham Running Club | DanielMarshallAdventures

This is my third  blog post on the amazing Grantham Running Club.
I am writing this because of the achievement i have come away with so far this week.
The picture above was taken at the end of the run Tonight which is 17-05-17
I did not even know till i got home and looked in the group that this was took lol, i was that tired and wet from the rain i just wanted to get home (:
One of the runners brought in some amazing treats, for us to try (:


 We had such a selection to choose from which inc Mocha Brownies,Gluten free Brownie with fruit and seed Peanut butter truffles 
Vegetarian Vegan Gluten-free
It has been raining  heavy all day,  i commented in the group that i was not going.
I have to admit just seeing the pictures did tempt me but also i had nothing better to do so i thought to heck with it and i am so happy i went .

This week i managed to run my first 5k, which was around 5.5k, as we had a barrel of laughs getting lost in the woods and having to run a loop extra to find the rest of our group.
we went off road, on very narrow paths, bumps, uphill and fast downhill slopes.

I came away tired and hurting, but so pleased and after todays run that smile got even bigger as despite the heavy rain i managed to run 5k yet again.

I have been told so many times, that i can do it i just have to pace myself.
I realized that after managing the 2 runs thats its all in my head.
since the start of the course i had not been able to pace myself, if i started getting pains and struggling to breath i had to either stop, or run like mad, for a min causing more harm to myself but managing to get further then i would have.This has been the case with most things in life, i either go full on or no effort at all.
If it was not for some of the run leaders, telling me off in a joke way and controlling my pace, i would not be able to even manage to complete 5k.

Sometimes in life i just need that little push, of confidence, that little bit of control and then i settle and really do well.

Like with many others in the group we have already completed 5k  and thats with still  having about 4 weeks  left which is 8  sessions due to it being twice a week.

I think the idea is to get everyone to run 5k and then in the last few weeks start to increase the running speed.

with running between 5k and just over it means we are already running at a fast pace and the session normally being around 40mins,

I am super pleased with myself because of how much my life has changed in just under a year.

2016 as i mentioned in other blog posts was a bad year,
from January till june i had to suffer bad from my depression because i had to be put on a waiting list to even get help from the mental health service.
In those months i hardly ate, i hardly left my room, nearly everyday i would be crying for hours, going insane and at points did not want to live.

Due to my own actions 2016 was a bad year however it needed to be, because something happened at the end of July that started me on the right path and where my journey has lead me to this point in my life.
I started opening up about my mental health, i started to hit the gym and get stronger, i ate better, and slowly i was pushing back the depression and aniexty and starting to grow up and live my life.
in 2016 i had drive but it was not enough because i was not mentally nor physically fit.
I will always suffer from mental health issues but because i have built the community around me.
Its given me new found strength, its makes me happier and i have more drive to do well in life.

They say when you cant look back because of a massive moment in your life for worse or good, that you feel free, and that you can craft your own destiny.

I do think about the past a few times but i do not let it make me fall to pieces like it used to do.
I do not think of being in the past but how i can change as a person and grow my new life.
I am me at the end of the day and weather i talk about stuff that sometimes should not be said i would rather have a bad image then keep things bottled up.
The only thing i ever wish i could change it being able to talk to my ex as a friend, and things did not end the way they did.
I am happy she managed to move on and be with someone who can understand her better.
and that for myself the break up needed to happen so i could grow up, learn to cope by myself, learn new skills and find parts of me that i knew was there but was not confident enough to bring them out.
i can not change the past, and if i had the chance to i would not, things happen for a reason, and for nearly a year i could not understand this.
Life is a journey, that is all about discovering yourself  and until you are put into a situation where you have nothing and learn to build your life back up you start to notice little changes at first.
Like new foods you like, foods you hated put now love, finding skills you didnt know you had, and understanding why you have been put on this journey.

the past may think, or what rubbish, etc but until you have been down that road you can not even comprehend how it feels.
I have surround myself  with people who understand about mental health, i have made true friends that understand me, i have people who believe in me and are willing to help.

all my life i have never had friends, because people did not understand me, i was also in a bad place for many years , but now i have learnt to stand up for myself, i have learned to try in life, and keep pushing even through the bad times, and i feel happyier then i ever have in my life because i am proud that i have discover who i am, what i am good at, and what to aim for in life.

To end the day and this blog post on a happy and surprising note.
I got a email from Grantham Tennis Club, asking if i would like to be part of a team, to play matches.
In Mens Doubles,
these are more then just social matches at the club, this is being a part of a team and having a experience i have always dreamed of having.
so on Monday the 22th may 2017 i will be heading to Washingborough  to play my first ever team game  !!! 
the last 2 weeks have been a battle because, i had a minor leg issue which meant i had to miss a lot of tennis, and a few running sessions.
But i came back even better then before i had the issue.
what breaks us only makes us stronger and that is so true !!!!!!!!

I hope the rest of the year keeps going like this, i am also off to my next parkrun this weekend hoping to do much better then my first one and with only 4 weeks left of the running club, hoping that my leg pain does not come back (:

Thank you for reading.
if you have ever had a change in your life that has been hard but you like the new person you are now, feel free to explain what made you change.
if you apart of a running club, or a sports team i would like to know, and how will your doing !!

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Black Mirror TV Show Review Spoiler Free | DanielMarshallAdventures

In this Blog post i am going to be telling you a little bit about the episode i have watched and how cool it really makes you think about life.

What i like about this show the most is although its a different story every episode, they manage to create such creative and gripping stories in just the space of a hour.
every episode throws a lot of twists and sometimes you dont get the full understanding of the plot until the last 5 mins, where your like omg what !!!! (:

I have watched a few shows that does this, and they do not seem to pull it off, so lets have a look why this show is worth watching.

As i just looked to get the name of the episodes, i was shocked to see that i had been watching season 3, which proofs my point that you dont need to have watched them all to get the story with them being different.
so this review will be based on season 3.


The first one in season 3 is called Nose Dive.
I think out all of the episodes so far this one really got to me and is the best.
The story follows the women in the picture where she is in a strange world where, you give everyone a score for almost everything they do.
Much like on some dating sites or reviews, where you give your opinion on a picture, on food, a score out of 5, and then the sites work out what your average is based on your scores.
well in this, your whole life is a score, through your eyes, you can look on someones life, what they have been up to, if they have posted a picture etc.
And the reason it got to me is  simple, in a society much like ours but not so bad, where people will only hang out with you, if your famous, you hang out with the cool people etc.
school is one of those where you try to fit in, and the cool kids dont let you, or you have people who were your friends, they grow up, they see you doing alright and want you to hang out with their friends who are all posh, fancy and cool, but then you do something that makes you uncool and all of sudden they dont want to hang out with you because it would look bad, on their image.
and i think its sad but true that sometimes in life to go far you have to know the really up their people, but being that famous is no easy task.

I think for some people its like a job making sure they are always active on social media, looking good, eating mini food, and gourmet stuff just to look posh because if your up there you cant be seen eating like a slob with burgers pizzas etc.

Not all famous people are like this but some are, and i think sorry for them, they dont get to act how they want and be who they really want to be because they have to look good.

one part of the show was just like really, when someone wanted to get a place, they had to be a certain score and because some bad things happend all at once there score went down a lot which meant they could no longer get the place because their overall score did not meet the score needed.
like if we had a score for everything in real life, i would not want to be a part of it at all, its stupid and thats how it puts people into sections of cool, not cool etc.

It also showed that being yourself is nothing wrong, you should not have to feel you need to change who you are just to fit in, if the people who you know in your life can not accept you for who you are then they are not your friends.

I would rather, do the things i enjoyed, even if something looked way cooler, then be judged all the time.

Moving onto the second episode which was called Playtest


This was based on a guy doing odd jobs via a app in order to get paid, he noticed a job testing a new gaming system, much like virtual reality.
This episode i think was the most creative, i loved all the actors who played such great parts in order for this, to really take you by shock.
It was much like Inception in the sense that, you thought it was over back to reality but there is twists and turns so much, your like whats going on !!!

I would hate to play a game where it adapts the challenges to your fears, to your memories, because you would not know what was real or not.

The Third Episode is called shut up and dance.



 Showing fears that you should never believe what someone promises to do if you have done something bad, someone knows you have and threatens you to do something or people will know what you have done.

Both of the people in the car did things that they which they had not, and have to obey texts with instructions or they will leak things out.

In the whole plot line is around the kid, and at the end, i was again so shocked, i felt sorry for the kid, what he had to go through, and that compared to other person in the car, he barley did anything wrong but was dealt in the wrong path.

the story, involves, a cake, a gun, glasses, and a epic plot line i which i could say more but then it would spoil it (:

The last episode i am going to talk about is the forth one called San Junipero



 This one really messed with your brain right up towards the end,
follows the girl in the picture, a shy, confused person not knowing how to act and what to do in life.
She meets another girl, who they start to get on really well, showing her how to dance, how to come out of her shell.

She told her she cant stay around long, and that they only saw each other once a week.
the women in the picture starts to feel lonely without her friend being around and starts searching for her.
Towards the end, it all makes, sense and again i love the way the plot line was set out,
I love shows where its confusing, keeps your guessing and then only when its time to nearly end does it show you whats going on.

I know that some of the episodes i havent explained very well, but because its that type of show where it keeps you guessing, its better to watch it then say something that might ruin the whole thing for you.

all i have to say is keep watching when you start, do not get caught up in thinking everything is ok, because just like that something can happen, which starts making you question whats going on.

I do and dont wish that i watched it from the beginning, i dont know if the other seasons were great or not, but you tend to find that seasons pick up as they go along.
also if the other seasons are not as good i am glad i started where i am so that i would rather go off the series, on a high, then be watching season 1 for example, it not really interest me and then miss out on the really good ones.

Thank you for reading, let me know what you think, of any other shows that are like this, and if you have not watched black mirror then give it a go (:

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Can Depression & Anxiety be part of the same symptoms ?? | DanielMarshallAdventures

Confusion is one of many things that depression & Anxiety is talked about a lot, so in this blog post we are going why in my opinion they can be classed as one ?

Over the past year I have talked to many people about my depression, anxiety and other issues.
Each person has there own take on them and the best fixes to make you feel better.

So in this Post i am going to be Referencing myself a lot.

Depression has many stages, and many forms, from just feeling lonely, to getting upset, angry, confused, a panicked state, to even as far as self harm.

I have suffered my whole life From Depression due to experiencing a very bad childhood.
I often would shut myself away, crying, not wanting to do anything, getting angry because of what my parents put me through and often running away.

School never really tried to help me and get the support i needed,
I often would of days where i would not leave my room which is still the case today.

As well as feeling low all the time, i was not a very social person, and a chance of a friend i would turn it down as i did not want them involved in my messed up life, but at the same time craving, someone to talk to.
I was bullied a lot, because of my problems, which meant that i started to feel panic everytime someone talked to me, i would be looking over my shoulder all the time, i did not like being in p.e changing rooms as i often got a tight chest and did not like being there at all.

One day i was running from a groups of lads who were after me, i managed to lose them, but in that moment my body froze, i could hardly breath , i was coughing a lot, i felt paranoid.
Somebody saw me and helped me calm down.

as my life panned out, my depression only got worse, and the last year i have tried self harm, most days it took all my energy  just to go and make myself some food.

there are days where i have stuff i really want to do like taking photography, making videos, my brain is pushing all these ideas out but everytime i move i just want to go back to sleep.

with having depression it has made my anxiety also worse, it has heighten it as it were.
I joined a site in 2016 called meetup.com
a place where you could go for pub meals, quizzes, days out etc with a group of people and after 3 meetings i left because i could not handle being around a large number, i wouldnt talk and it was wasting my money.

I have tried every place, every chance of finding helping, and still can not get any.
so the answer to the question is yes i find Depression & anxiety can go hand in hand.

They might be some people who do not think they are depressed when there anxiety plays up, but will often make you feel worse about yourself.

You might one day get over the fear of talking to people, or being ok in tight spaces or with lots of people, but you will still have days to yourself that you feel not worth living that, you are useless, etc.

Its sad that a lot of funding in the UK is not put into mental Health as it effects a lot of people.
For myself it has stopped me from so much in life, travelling, making friends, starting my business up.

I put myself down a lot because it frustrates me i want to be better i want to achieve in life, i do not want days where i have important photography work or videos to make and i just have no drive, no passion for it and feel like the next day should come.

I wouldnt mind in the future being a counselor, so that i can best help people from going through this experience, and to tell the right information to help.
as most of the time you get told things that do not help, you feel like all they are doing is moving you on as quick as possible to get paid and often feel they are just reading stuff from a piece of paper.

If you suffer from these , please let me know your experiences, how it affects, you what advice you have been told or misstold, have you managed to find support groups and friends?

I hope this blog post helps you understand where i am coming from over these 2 matters (:

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