The Month that has shocked me the most in my life | Looking back at January 2018 !!! | Daniel Marshall Adventures

I made the Decision only a few weeks into January that i wanted to change the way i write what is on my mind.
Instead of just writing a long post about a topic when i felt like it, i came up with the idea of setting myself a goal each month to talk about how a month has gone.

This month has had a few ups and downs but its the best month across the years, and when i say its not really been that eventful to compared to other months in my life you will know why its been the best !!!! (:

Now although this post is about January i wanted to inc a magical experience at the end of December 2017

I had decided That although i loved Photography, it had been acting as a shield to defend my anxiety, a way i could go to events and be around a lot of people and cope a bit better.
However that only made me not feel safe or happy whenever i decided to go without the use of my camera, it made dealing with people even harder. So i decided to put photography to one side for the time being.
On the 30th December was an experience like living a dream, and when i look back i wish it never ended !!!

I went to see CJ Hatt a musician I have seen so many times now and can never get enough of listening to him live, he brings humor, a talkative and killer list of songs to perform to every gig he goes to.

The place was Castlegate In Grantham, and with it being a few days before the new year i expected the place to be really busy, instead it still had a lot of people but the right kind that made my night special.

I went without my bag, without my camera and just experienced his pure talent, being relaxed and having a blast.
Now when i say i kind of danced even though i can not at all !!! it pushed my safe zone so much but was glad that so many people understood and tried to just make me come out of my comfort zone.

CJ started to play a frozen song that he nailed which was requested by one of the viewers,
every song he played and sung was him playing at his best.
The mood of the place was amazing, everyone dancing and enjoying the end of 2017.
I was offered to dance so many times that in the end i was given no choice haha,
Although i was so anixous, shy and just well over thinking everything, it was a experience that i have always wanted, just to be able to be me, and join in with everyone.
I admit seeing everyone else always have fun no matter how much you try to look on the bright side always makes you feel a little sad.
Sad that you are not Joining in, and to not only feel more free dancing but to just let my hair down and sing along to the songs to.

I had never been surround by so many people that believed in the person i can be and just really opened my eyes on what i had been missing because i either took my camera or did not turn up because i knew i would not feel right (:

 
Fitness never stops even on the first day of 2018 !!! It had been so cold Throughout December but i never gave up going to the gym and playing tennis.
I do not know what came over me but i just felt like starting the year with my first outside run in many months.
So I put on My Myzone belt, Started from Grantham college, and worked out a route i wanted to take, and just kept it steady, making sure not to over do it since i was not used to running in the cold.
My idea was that i wanted to slowly get back into outdoor running to train myself to be able to run again at park runs.

I have used the belt while working out at the gym, and playing tennis but never when on a run, so i was shocked and happy to see my stats when i got back, to see that my peak heart rate was high when i was not even pushing at my best (:

Sadly i had a feel down days after that due to coming down with a bad illness and it being 2 years since i split up with my ex, I mentioned her a fair bit in my blogs so i wont say anymore (:

Despite that small set back, i powered through my illness still being me, still enjoying life and being happy with tennis and gym.

In Fact The start of 2018 has been very cold, but i have also surprised myself as normally i can not take the cold, i also bury myself in bed and get bad headaches from the cold.

So as well as being able to power the cold, i was breaking my own fitness records at the gym classes.
I was able to put even more effort in, still be me, still have fun and be very competitive.
I was proud of myself because i maintained a high average effort, a high average heart rate and even though i was coughing and felt like collapsing i pushed myself to get a high heart rate as well (:

I think the key to my fitness and success is that i do try for someone, i do not try to impress people, I just bring me to everything i do, my personality, and of course i would not have the same push and be happy without the people i have surrounded myself with.
When i am in the classes, yes i am battling to win the class but i am surrounded by awesome music, awesome motivation by the staff, and the awesome people in the classes !!!!

Its the same at tennis and that is why this whole month has been some of my best tennis matches, some of best playing, and why tennis this month has been the most fun.
As soon as i stopped worrying so much with what i could not do and what things i really kept trying to do over and over, getting really stressed and failing, I became more happy.

In a way i take Physical Strength very serious, its helped me no end to not only get stronger, which has helped me played amazing shots and run for balls i never thought i would get, to helping my mind with my mental health.

In a way its not me being Negative i guess but the gym and Tennis is all i have in my life.
Yes i have photography but that is something i have had to have a long think over.

I can not Believe i am writing this but expect for taking pics of my muscles and myself, I have not taken any Photography in over a month.
I have not even gone for any walks like i normally used to do 1-2 times a week.
I simply just focused on the love of tennis, and getting stronger at the gym, filling my life, with the people in my life and just living in the moment rather then having to capture it.

I love photography, and i love seeing what people capture, but it no longer takes over my life as must as it used to.
Its good sometimes to have a break from something as you get to gather information and then almost start from the beginning looking what works and what does not.

For example, I knew from day one from experience Prior Before buying the same Camera i have used in the past that its not good in low light and not got a great zoom, in the best mode to capture photography which is the Raw Format.
I know from looking back at my work that night photography is not capable with my camera, and that indoor photography with low lighting again will not take great pictures.

So I use this Information to form a plan on what i should work on, Which is mostly Outdoor events as my skill is taking pictures of people.
I know my Camera can be great in black and white for photography of live music with poor lighting, or lighting that has a lot of different colours going off.
If i shoot in anything other then Raw yes i may get the very slim chance of a unique shot, and yes i can zoom further but when it comes to Editing where my other skill comes into play, i dont have near enough tools at my disposal.

So my camera may have a lot of flaws but it also has a very Uniqueness when it comes to Using Photoshop to edit them !!!

Then there is my Video Production side, I gave up the idea ages a go of even trying to spend so many hours, of learning trying to turn my videos into Professional content.

I do not have the top of the range computers, so if i am doing a big project, it will often crash, go slow and then there is having to use public WiFi of the cost of a drink in order to upload the Video.
I have a portable wifi Device due to Living in Temp Housing and arent allowed to have The likes of Virgin etc Installed even though it would save trips and money  to places with decent wifi.

If i was being paid for my work it would not be so bad but i do this with my own time and money.
Why???? Well its simple my video quality will never be that high enough for money to be made.
I wouldnt want it any other way, Its to stressful i have been there and done that.
For me I may only make say 5 videos a year but i do them to help the local community that in it self its my reward, I admit sometimes it gets stressful as i want to do a good job but overall i enjoy seeing the finished product and seeing the comments and shares.

Again its Balancing your life, Trying to compete with other local video Production companies but to much stress to the point i lose interest in the whole Production side.
To some my life may not be much but i have had to get up everyday and force myself just to be where i am now.
If my physical health was took away from me and my photography, i would be where i was 2 years a go, in pieces, getting stressed, upset for hours everyday, and simply not wanting to live.

I may post a lot on my Facebook how happy a session has gone and how my physical health has improved so much, again its all i have and i strive to always push my limits, to better, achieve at what i know i can do.

Only the other day I sat and laughed and thought in a way i have always been really good at things that have a competitive and adrenaline edge to them.

I haven't done Gaming in over 2 years but when i was gaming i used to do it 4+ hours a day,
The games i was really good at was racing, i spent so much of my life clued to it.
Going online on my fav game Driveclub, and Competing in Timed events, doing lap after lap trying to get into the top 100 haha.

When i finished school, i picked up golf very quickly and was good at it, I used to do Badminton and was extremely good at it, see the pattern yet haha.

If i am given a target, i excel and i think that is why i win classes at the gym and why I am able to be so happy, because i am getting that Pure craved Adrenaline rush.
When i am in that nothing else matters, no bills no having to worry about my future etc just me having the time of my life.

I came away from having a lot of things in my life, to barley having anything it took time but because the one thing which was gaming that used to take so much of time up had gone i was forced to find something else i could pour my heart into.

Yes i do miss gaming, but i would rather be outside using that same drive into tennis, i would rather get stronger then be a couch patio (:

Just because i seem to be happy a lot does not always mean i am, i have started to try and post less negative things on social media mainly because my life as a whole is much better then it used to be.

By doing that though just make you think that i am happy all the time, and this month i have had a few small wobbles Depression and aniexty are still there and will always be there.

I think one of the most common used words that is used to motivate someone but sometimes no many how many times its said and by how many people does not mean it works for everyone.
That word being come out of your comfort zone !!!!

For me, i have this battle most days and most of the time its autally in my happy places.
So for example the classes, i have mentioned this before in a blog which is the watt bike classes.
Yes i am in a room with people, but the bikes are facing at a screen and so are you, watching every second as your percent goes up and down making sure your in the right zone.
You have not got time to worry about others in the room because of that rush you are getting.

Many times i have been asked to join in classes like boxing, circuits and others but i do fear i will never have the courage to do them.

This is because of 2 big reasons, one is the fact is often takes someone showing me over and over in order to do something because of my Dysprixa, this will then take a lot of time from others in the class as well as feeling stupid in front of others because i can not the simple workouts.

I still have to have my friend at the gym, helped with getting my arms and body in the right postitions for some workouts, and even after being shown, i get so frustrated, i do not show it but at times i just feel like punching the wall or going home as i know how to do the silly workout but my body wont listen.
This is some kind of good that comes from that as i use that anger to channel my strength in order to lift and do higher weights then i would think possible, again its that aderlaine  rush.

Combine looking like a idiot with not being comfty around people does not make a good mix.
Then it becomes annoying because it looks like i am always avoiding people or there seems something quite not right with me.

That is why I celebrate a lot when i do achieve something that others may do quicker or a lot better as it took me a while to get there and of course i am then happy i have done said thing.

From learning about myself is again that pure drive, Ok by the end of playing tennis or the gym class i am shattered beyond belief, its not because i have no stamina, its because i put everything into it.
at tennis even if the shortest shot has been played, i will run like there is no tomorrow and pull of some out of this world shots.
I could be losing in a match, my opponent making me run for every ball, sweating, aching but i will not give up and again am able to pull off shots out of no where, feet hurting about to give in and still have that drive to keep pushing.

At the gym is the same for the classes last few mins of the class, feet hurting, I know if i back off i end up losing to someone else after doing so well, so i push through that pain barrier in order to find an extra charged battery and go even faster then i had throughout the session.
I may end up most of the time hurting myself but that is me i am a fighter and the only way to break records is to always push your limits.

That is why a wonderful person last year posted this at the park run !!!
it was i think only my 3rd parkrun it got to last bend and in all honestly i was in massive pain.
I had already stopped for a few seconds 3-4 times across the event, but i saw someone i knew that i wanted to finish in front of them, and is was like Turbo just kicked in, from out of no where i rushed past so many people to the finish line, like that was i was done out of it, one turn back and yet I managed to kick it into overdrive !!!

It really is amazing how far you can push your body, Most of the fight is always in your brain its your brain that tells you, you are in pain, and ok sometimes is best not to push but if you always listened to your brain you would never get anywhere !!!!

Doing anything physical does not fix your issues but it does make you more happier it does make you have a better outlook in life.

Is has been hard to try and do new things in my life but i have so many barriers stopping me,
I have never been a social person, even though that is what i crave so much,

Even though i have friends and even though i know a lot of people at the gym and tennis, i am so caught up having fun doing what i am doing that being social kind of goes out of the window.

I do not seem to have that capable switch in order for myself to force my social side out, no matter how much i try, the most i seem to be able to do is say hello, how are you, or if a talking point is made after that i go quiet, and then act awkward.

I still keep trying, for me even if i am not talking much just being around people and listening to what they have to say makes me happy at least it keeps my brain from thinking bad things.

That it why i was so happy months a go to find the Magic Cottage In Grantham, to be able to go there laid back social meets once a month, and just be around amazing people.
I was so happy for the owner to say at the last social only last week that they were expanding after only a year of opening as a business (:

For me its good to not only be able to help a business with my photography but be a part of the growing of the businesses.
Networking is a power tool, and it has helped me a little with being social.
My happiness comes from seeing others happy, from seeing businesses grow and that then turns into inspiration to try/ improve my own skills.

Its odd because when i look back at the start of 2017 It may have had a lot more things going off then the start of this year, due to starting new things, and coming out of my shell more.
However the start of this year has been my most happiest and less busy month.
I think what has surprised me the most has been my will power through the cold, to be able to play tennis at 2 degrees and play my best game after game, to compared to last year where the cold just was making me ill.

I did have a small scare a week back when i started to get what i thought and others thought other then the doctors a migraine.
I suffer when its cold anyway and always get headaches, but last week the pain was in one place at the top of my head, i could feel my heart beating through it and every time it pounded it hurt so much that i was in total pain.
It got that bad that i do not normally give up on things it takes a lot but coming back from playing tennis it felt like i was about to pass out, i got home, crawled into bed and went to sleep.
Only after a hour of trying to sleep did it stop and with help from taking tablets i had over from recovering from my illness i had weeks before.

The next day it hurt really bad again so i went to the doctors and said it was not a migraine but just could be sinuses from my illness just gone.
for about 5 days now its not bothered me so i am hoping he was right and it does not come back as i never had headaches that bad in my life.

So overall this month may not have been anything special but at least my depression has not been bad.

Its taken time to get the right sort of people in my life, who listen, who understand and can see potential in me.

No matter where you live even in a great place like Grantham you will always get those who judge you on your past, how you look etc.

I will not mention names but i have had to deal with a few people this month who did look down on me because of my looks, who did look down on me because of my past, and people who tell people to stay away from me.

Its sad really that these people have the time to waste their own lives, they get off on hurting people and trying to make that person not have friends, when in reality they are just wasting their time.
Maybe at the start of 2016 it would have hurt me but now i have great friends, and yes i might want to expand on the people i have in my life and meet new people.
For now though i am happy with who i have in my life, i would rather have a small group of people then have idiots who just want to bring you down (:

So to bring this blog to a end, on the 3th February I get to go to London again as i did last march to march with lots of people to save our NHS !!!!

Its going to be a very long day and a long week, as we will be leaving just after 7 which means i need to be up just before 6am, we wont be back in Grantham, till around 7pm.
I then need to quickly sort through my photography and get at least a few good pictures up from the day to get them out there.
I then throughout the week need to spend time editing the rest which i expect over 100.
If that was not enough, i need to sit through tons of video footage and put Together a video of the day and then once that is all done, do social media marketing, and put a blog post up about the event !!!!
phew ....

Its hard work but its what i love and even if it helps one person i am happy (:
So there you go that has been my month, i do not know what February will bring, but i hope the weather gets warmer and i hope for good things (:
Thanks for Reading





 

Looking back at 2017 !!! Mental and Physical Health | DanielMarshallAdventures

2016 was a very hard year, but 2017 has really changed my life, it has shocked me so i wanted to go through the bad and good points over the last 2 years.

Now I think i have gone into a lot of what happened in 2016 so i will try to briefly explain.

After suffering with depression and anxiety while being with someone for 5 years, things started to fall apart, and in the end due some major faults of my own we broke up a few days into 2016.

At that point i was homeless, i had no friends and i did not want to be around my family.
I tried to kill myself, for 6 months i barley ate, hardly leaving my room, and everyday crying, tearing myself apart.

I could not stop contacting my ex because she was everything, as i did not have a good childhood or a great life overall until i met her.
I was also bullied at school for being the quite one, and no matter how much i tried to fit in i was always picked on and looked down upon.

so for me because i had never made friends, and spent my time making sure she was happy, i just felt like i had nothing to live for.

I had never got help for my issues, and no one suggested about it either until the break up.
I ended up getting a 12 month harassment thing where i could not contact her, etc and i decided then that clearly i was never going to see or speak to her again even as friend so to now focus on turning my life around.

Throughout 2016 i tried to make friends from Grantham online, as my social skills have never been great, and to some it may seem like freckish messaging people on facebook around the local area i dont know.
To me i am confident online, and to me because i struggle so much with people skills in the real world, i would much rather get to know people online for a while first before meeting to be friends.

We somehow still live in a world that people look down upon you for that, and social media has grown so much that i do not see what the issue is now days.

It was not until i started trying to cover events with my photography and videos that i started to find where i belong within the local community.
by the end of 2016 I had managed to find myself a training partner at the gym, as i was really struggling to use the equipment and push myself to go.
what i often get return is people who do not know me being so nasty
Tbh i blame technology, we live more and more in a very anti social and nasty world where everyone inc females will look down at someone they dont even know because of how they look, when trying to get to know someone people will make the stupid viral word of your not my type which is just a lazy way to hold back a nasty comment they want to make on your looks.
like how is someone not your type when all you wanna do is be friends with that person?
It just mades me really angry that these people have nothing better to do in their lives then to look down on others.These people are normally so up their ass that they think they have the perfect friends and the perfect life.
For me i do not judge, on looks, age etc, because a lot of people have forgotten that personality is key.
You could be at society puts it hot as fuck, but you could be a total bitch inside, one that talks behind peoples back, laugh and put others down, just to make their own lives less boring (:

With having my own experiences of hanging out with people at school just to have friends, when in reality all they ever did was take the piss out of me.
at the time i thought having nasty friends was better then having no one but i soon realized that i would rather suffer alone then hang out with those who would only make my depression worse.

So when i started making my first friend i did not know what to expect, he soon became my best friend, as i made more friends online and through tennis and covering events my confidence started to Bulid.

Over the course of 2017 my physical health has only kept growing, and i have been able to achieve so much because of it.
When i was at the gym though i often did struggle with my grip still as well as knowing how to do said workout but after being shown needing help straight away, as i understood what to do but my body would not do the same.
so one of the workouts is using cables, so you arch your back out and pull the cable from your lower chest back up and i could never keep my arms in the right place.
with the deadlifts i kept moving my whole body instead of just standing up.
The annoying thing was i did not know i was doing it when lifting.
I would be told again and again from my friend but most of the time my body never listened.
so overall to people it looks like i am dumb when i am not its just my body is not on the same wave length as my body.
so for me i have to try twice as hard over doing it just to try and keep calm to do the workouts but also push to compete with what they were lifting in terms of weight.
I manage somehow to turn my upset and anger into raw strength, and its amazing how much push i have that only keeps surprising me more and more.

After a few months of using gym gloves for my grip, i eventually stopped using them, which things like the lat pull down and the max rack was still digging into my hands but now i could tolerate the pain a lot more.

Although throughout this year i have been able to get stronger, and more confident around the gym in terms of using the equipment by myself and even trying equipment i was scared to by myself, my confidence around others is still something i need to work on.
I have managed to take part in one class that has changed my stamina and speed, and had be fun and a lot of competition but i have avoided classes like circuits, boxing, dancing and other due to the fact i also need help as i get confused a lot.

On top of that i have this annoying thing about me that i am not confident around females, which in a way out of my own fault its stopped me from being able to explore and train with others in the fun classes.

so instead i just learned to focus on the one class i was good at, and kept aiming to get better and better.
In October it was a double challenge for me as the gym had prizes going for that month so i pushed extra hard but also mixing the watt bike class up with target based sessions.

In the last 3 months i have bonded with people in that class, because of how much everyone pushes themselves to achieve.

Just as i start to win classes and break my own records i have to push even harder as others have pushed just as hard to match me, we all have fun and laughs and its an awesome feeling to be in for that 30 minutes of the class.

In Fact only a week a go to me was the best class ever !!!
I not only got a much higher percentage overall in the class, but beaten records of overall heart rate and peak heart rate for a morning class (:
What amazed me more was a guy that came out of nowhere to match me all the way through that class and ended up beating me toward the end, its a crazy feeling, having the music pumping, seeing how well your doing in front of you, your legs hurting, but out of no where you keep pushing more and more because you want that win !!!!

Its that pure adrenaline rush i have craved more then ever this year, 90 percent of the time, if i running to play shots at tennis, or pedaling fast on the watt bikes, i am happy, i have more engry then i could dream off, my depression gone, i am not worrying or thinking about anything other then pushing my limits more and more.

around 4 months a go i managed to push my heart rate to 195 and it did scare me as for a short while after i did feel dizzy and took me a while to calm down but after something to eat and rest despite reaching my limit, i felt alive and could go again (:

So for me 195 is not good enough in 2018 i wanted to reach at least 200 i know i can do it given the right music and the right situation and as long as i have something with sugar or a bite to eat straight after i will be fine.

Overall i feel the last 4 months something has snapped inside of me, and put me on a even better track in life, it has had it challenges though.

I went through very bad points during those months but without that would not lead me to my new thinking in life and i still do think everything happends for a reason.
The first thing to change was admitting to myself i longer have passion for making videos and to stop trying to keep doing it and then getting stressed over the whole process.
I decided at that point my life needed a new direction, which was to try and go back into Education and study within the health sector.
After a back and forth week of going to the job centre and back to the college, i was told i could not get funding for any level 2, but could for level 3 but cant study level 3 without going on level 2 !!!

I went for the Interview for the course anyway while waiting to hear from the jobcentre over funding.
the course required you to do a screening test aimed at dyslexia.
I got really stressed while taking it and the results showed that i do suffer with it but with it being a screening test it was not a official assessment.
After getting advice from the college i was told it was best to take my GCSES again,
this way it would help re train my brain but also help with getting used to being around others.
i was told however that i would not be able to get any help over my learning diffulty until i was studying a course at the college.
so i started stepping up my already pestering and researching over getting help for my learning diffuclites.

I asked on local facebook groups for any advice, and then i went off contacting lots of different compaines.
most of them either said they was no help, no funding, or to have words with the doctor
The doctors so far in Grantham, either tell you to get over it or do not understand no matter how much you explain things.

I got in touch with a company in Grantham who deal with dyprxia but the problem was they charge 14 pounds per hour, and when i spoke to them, they said i would be looking at a couple of hours a week for at least 1-2 months to chat about the process of getting help etc.
which would be at least 100 pounds a month, and with being on jobseekers i couldnt afford that.
Lots of people have said to me you need to go on ESA again tried that with the useless doctors who take one look at me and go your 26 you look in good shape, if i give you a sick note you would only keep coming back to get one ??? like yeah thats what ESA is you need a sick note to start the application in the first place, and then you need to keep going back in order to keep sending it off so you can get your payments.
i think ive had at least 10 people plus my support worker who say that i need to be on ESA but because the idiot doctors dont understand, then i have just had to stay on job seekers.

A few weeks a go i got in touch with a wonderful company in Lincoln, who understood me very well, and gave me help on the best way to ask for help at the doctors.
This person mentioned that at boston Hospital they look into Learning Difficulties but i would need to be referred by a doctor for it.
So weeks later i was seen by a doctor with my support worker.
I explained everything, inc about the referral, he just shook his head, ingored what i said and moved on in the talk like how rude !!!!

How rude that after 5 times explaining what my issues were and how it affects my day to day life, did it take my support worker to step in as well in order to get a NHS form Printed off, which basically asks you what your issues are and why you need help, which then gets sent back to the doctor and sent away for someone else to look out.

On top of that, on my medical records it was shown that dyslexic was already on there from 2008, 10 years a go !!!
and yet over the last 2 years of seeing over 10 different doctors, not once when mentioning about getting help with it did anyone ever mention my medical records which they would need to look at everytime i asked for help !!!
The Fact as well that it took that many doctors and that many tries to get a NHS form as well is a joke.

 See everything is connected, i cant get a proper place to live as i am not high enough on the Counil,
i cant get higher because i do have issues with my mental health and learning, but have not been on paper to help the application move along.

I cant get help for my issues, so my issues gets worse, which impacts my mental and physical health.
and so on.

So in my mind everything i Achieve is always a test for me and has been Extremely hard to push through everything in order to be happy.
Someone once told me, if your capable of playing sport, in good physical health, and do photography, then why are you not working???

For me everyday is a challenge, with my mental health and with how i am able to get things done.
so i already mentioned about my body doing different to my hands because of that, i have last every job i have had in the past.
My depression also having a big impact on working as, its very hard to control, most of the time it just switches on and off, without a cause, when that happens and i am in a crowed place my aniexty then kicks in to make things even worse.

There are days where i feel good and somedays were my bed is the only place i can be all day.
It was not until the end of 2016 that i was told that Physical health helps a lot with these issues.
So I took Charge and quickly learned that being at the gym and at tennis made me super happy.
That right there is the only answer, when i am in that space, most of the time i dont worry, my issues are gone and i feel good about myself, i do often still struggle with social interaction and being around people but when i am there its more under control to compared to working, as its something i am happy about and enjoying, hence the reason why i wanted to start my own business up.

Its taken a year of hard battles, of even having days and weeks where even sport has made me upset and feel worse, to make my physical health much better which had not fixed my mental health but made it so much better.

Its one of the things why going back into education is key for me as its taking one step out of my comfort zone, getting used to be around others again and hoping that after my GCSES i can either finally get somewhere with studying within the health sector or have the confidence to work again.
as i may be able to capture photography for events but i am not a confident person around people overall.
Now is partly one of the reasons i decided to take a break from photography, even my Private Counselor argeed, she said i would regret it if i stopped it all together, as its where my creative mind comes from, its my passion and its done wonders with connecting with the local community.
However i often used the camera as an excuse to hide the real me, i used the camera as my confidence, and it got so bad that i really did not enjoy going to things without it.
It did me good but it also was a major issue is enforcing the issue rather then learning to deal with being in a crowed place without it.
i was told that maybe for a short while just go out and take photography of what you like taking, rather then saying right today there is an event ill go and take photos of that.

all my friends and the local community have said the same thing which is just keep being me, keep enjoying what i do as it clearly has been helping.

Technology For me is a blessing and a curse, its a blessing as i am able to help the community, i am able to relax when not working on photos etc, and just watch my fav tv shows, movies and Youtube Videos.
Its a curse as because i have for to long made myself get cosy in the bed, it stops me from leaving as when i feel down, being in bed does not cure but helps make me feel better rather then trying to push through it and be social.

Its been a curse because i have not gone to things that i would enjoy because i havent been in the mood to bring my camera with me and in the last month of not really using it, i have been much happier (:
in the last month i have been more social, i listen more to people, i have slightly changed the way i have been eating, and i have more drive to succeed in life then i have done.
In a way i feel that i am very knowledgeable and easy to talk to because of my life experiences.

I loved being with my partner and yes i do miss her and yes i wish we could be friends,
but at the end of the day, through that experience ending, i am slowly finding the real me.
I have made friends, i have a great community of people that have started to understand me
and slowly i am getting used to being independent.
Its hard, sometimes it does feel lonely, and i know when i was with my partner i did relay on her a lot to do things i could not do, its taken 2 years to adjust myself to my new situation and i love it.

I am close to my flat mates which its the first time being in a shared house i have managed to let my guard down and be myself around others.
In a way they are more people in terms of friends, because we get on so well.
I enjoyed the 5 years i was with my partner and i would not want to change it expect just being able to have friends and learn to be an independent person back then.
and to me my life is only just starting i may be 26 but i feel like a kid again because i am now getting life experiences that i should have had around 19-20.

Overall this year has shown me that although i was not an amazing person with my partner and i had a lot of faults i have battled, to get help over it, i have took the time to learn about my faults and to either fix them or find a way around them.
and for 2018 i hope that i can finally get the help i have been looking for and that my new direction in life will be one with a good meaning, good laughs and great times.

Thank you For Reading and i hope your 2018 brings you some magical (:

Trent Vineyard 17-12-17- Feeling like my True self,Family service | Daniel Marshall Adventures

This Blog post is to Highlight The wonderful place that is Trent Vineyard and to explain that you do not need to be Religious in order to join or experience the wonderful things that go off (:
A few months back I went with James Pitcher and the family To Trent Vineyard for the very first time.
I had got to know James Through Grantham Tennis Club, months later i had written on social media about wanting to try different things in life when James Told me about The Church they go to.
I was meant to write a post about the experience, as we also went into the amazing War Hammer HQ.
I never got around to writing it. A few weeks later i started to but then felt it was to late to post about the day out.

Today I made the trip with them again as James was performing with the band for the Family Service. so I decided that this time i will blog about the experience as i want to explain why i felt so happy being there and why i was able to be myself, something which is very hard for me to do.


When James Invited me to go months a go i did not know what to expect, Trent Vineyard is not your Normal type of church, is it based in a massive Warehouse, It has Live music that is really out of this world and the talents there are mind blowing, it has Free Refreshments when the services are on and The Vineyard has Several big sections to the place and Looking to expand with a Children's Centre next year !!!

 
As you can see from the pictures its huge, picture do not do it justice as the pic above is only the main part of the Building.

The First time i went I felt so Equipment Envy, with being into media and seeing all the cameras and tech i just felt like Geeking out haha.
It was a first time in a long time being around a lot of people as i suffer bad from anxiety on top of being really shy anyway.
I came away feeling so pumped after the live music, and the amazing atmosphere that its no wonder i went back again Today.

Me, James and his Family left Grantham at 8.20am as James had to get there early to do sound tests with the band before the service started.

He was telling me that he did not leave Nottingham The day before until 12 at night due to Having the first practice with the band. It was also amazing to know that he had written and Produced one of the songs.

Trent has its own record Label so any music made is under that label (:
here is a small write up about is on the Trent Vineyard website which ill put the link to it at the end of this post (:

Worship is more than music. To us, it’s the act of freely giving our love to God in all that we do and we believe that giving in worship is the key to finding Him at work in our lives. Music is just one of the many ways we worship at Trent Vineyard. During our Sunday services we love to sing songs to God, lifting Him up, giving thanks for all He is and has done in our lives and telling Him how much we love Him.

What we sing is very important to us and that’s why we write and sing our own songs. Over the years, we've recorded a number of albums which you can listen to and buy at Vineyard Records. You can also search over 700 songs written in Vineyard churches from all around the world at vineyardsongs.com including many of ours.

So we all arrived and i can to see James in action as he was playing Guitar. you had someone on Keyboard, bass Guitar, Drummer and Vocalists.

From even the Practice runs the band sounded amazing, as always even though i wanted to watch James my eyes and ears focused more on the drums, its just how i am i am so drawn to the skills of drumming (:
James was telling me that the sound does an amazing job as you have to make sure everyone can hear whats going off in their ear so thats what sound tests are so key before the real deal, as you dont want someone out of tune, not singing the rest part or not being heard because the volume is to low or to high !!!

As time went by People started to turn up for the service, inc Kids that were also going to perform with dances.

What is cool before the session starts is they play upbeat music just in the background so its lively but also they have a countdown to when its about to start up on the big screens that you can see in the picture above.
These screens will always show the person/people talking/ performing so people who are at the back of the venue can see, they will often show the lyrics to the songs as well on screen (:

It was now getting really packed, and even though i was at the front, my heart was racing i kept looking around me, and feeling very anxious being around people.
That being said The vineyard is truly an magical experience when both times of visiting and the powerful music comes on did i find myself not only standing up, but singing something i only ever do in bedroom so that no one can hear other then my housemates.

What is magical about the whole place is the fact it can still keep the faith, and traditions but bring it into the modern world, to get kids of their Technology to sing, dance and enjoy music like really should be known Nationally its that good.

After a few songs, there was a small break Followed by some Dancing and a small video that kids from the Youth Group took part in.

Which is another amazing factor about the place that kids can enjoy arts and crafts sports and much more, there are student nights that go off, lots of projects for people to help out in the local Environment, like Gardening, and there is even small groups that people can get together and meet new people (:


Next up on the family service  was a really fun Game for Kids to enjoy and put a smile on my face, 3 people got in Inflatable raft type things,  the room would be split into 3 groups and on screen would be something you had to act out for the people on the stage to guess.

The person on stage that lost the round got a pie in the face, at the end of every round, sweets would be thrown in the air to the kids at the front to have (:

This then followed and i am really sorry i can not remember there names but 2 people got into a raft and got dunked as a send off as it would be there last Christmas service due to helping expand in the church into another location.
I think this is awesome that the place has grown so much since it first started and that other places around the world should experience what the one in Nottingham has to offer (:

The band came back on to finish up and now i was singing much louder, i felt at home, at peace, i felt so happy to not only be watching my friend Perform but just be myself not having to worry about anything.

In fact Towards the end i suddenly felt like crying, for many reasons.
I was Born In Nottingham, but never really fitted into society, my parents did take me to anything like this, i was never apart of a group, and it really got me thinking about life.

I have made a home In Grantham, its the place where i have managed to connect with so many people, and be happy, and yet for the first time in a long time i kind of wished i did live back In Nottingham and that i was a kid again.

My mental health plays a big part in my life, and because of that i find it extremely difficult to not only manage each day but to be social around others.
They may be events and things to be a part of in Grantham that i have not fount yet however after only going to 2 services at Trent, it feels like its where my life needs to be.

I wish i was a kid so that i could Dance on stage, i could feel free and be happy not being an adult and having to worry about adult things, just having youth on my side and taking part in projects and being a free spirit.

The past few months have been very hard as I have lost a lot of passion and drive for a lot of things, and i feel i do not know where my path lies.
However after today i have some kind of idea what i would like to do.
That is even if its in Grantham i would like to be apart of projects i would like to help people in need.
I would like to find my passion again for photography and help cover more events and places so that people can experience the best of things in life.

I would like to become more social and show the world the real me that i control my health and that i wont feel the need to leave something due to my aniety that i can stay and enjoy the day.

The Service today at Trent really opened my eyes to what i have been missing out on in life.
That although I have made a home in Grantham its time to start exploring, to open different paths, still taking what i have learned and still have the awesome people in my life but making way for a happy and brighter Future.

I have the wonderful James and Izzy to thank for inviting me along to Trent, and to the concept of church which i even admit when they first mentioned it my first thought was boring, sitting hearing people talk about Jesus etc.
Trent is more then just a place to learn about God, its a place to bring people Together, my only regret is not knowing about the place sooner, but i will always life by the rule that everything happens for a reason, you need the good and the bad times in your life in order to learn, to change, to re discover who you are, and connecting to people that will always be by your side (:

I can Honestly say that Trent has changed so many peoples lives and i hope they keep growing they keep making people happy and having all the wonderful memories to look back on !!!

So why not pop along to one of the services, and see what you think, tell your friends, family
and help spread the word (:

Thank you for reading and if you would like to know more information about Trent  then please see below

https://www.facebook.com/trentvineyardchurch/
http://trentvineyard.org
https://soundcloud.com/trentvineyard
https://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/trent-vineyard-talks/id1081362043?mt=2

Seeing Live music Again-The House Of Ghosts Grantham 2-12-17

In this Blog post I will explain why I decided to see Live music again, and why seeing The House of Ghosts was even more special then the first time seeing them ages ago in Grantham (:

The past couple of weeks i have had a very deep thought about my life and where i would like it to go. I had decided that i no longer wanted to do Video Production, and that i was also having thoughts of dropping photography as well and here is why !!!

For me in 2016 Photography was the main reason why i managed to get out of the house, it was a distraction away from my mental health, and over the course of learning it lead to something i never thought would happen.
This was using my skills to connect with the community, to take photography, capturing things at local events, and meeting really amazing people.
My camera was a way to hide myself in a way and allowed me to be a more confident person.
At the start of this year, I started going to see Live music In Grantham, The first time i went i did not take my camera and i could not take it.
Since then every-time I could to see artists and bands i do my part by Taking photography of these events and helping spread the word of the amazing talent that either is in Grantham, or has come to Grantham to play.
However My life became some what of a loop that over the past few months i have felt my confidence shrink and that taking photography was something i was not enjoying doing.
I believe everything happens for a reason, so with that in Mind I knew The house of Ghosts were playing again and i wanted to see them, from enjoying the experience last time.
I had decided to not take my camera, not even bring a bag, both of which have been constant distractions, as i have had to stand for hours watching people perform so i could keep moving around taking photos.

For anyone who does not know who The House of Ghosts are here is a
small summary (:

The House of Ghosts are a female fronted original four piece ethereal rock band from the Midlands. They formed back in the summer of 2015 and have gigged around the local scene gathering ghosts along the way. They have an intoxicating rich rock sound with ethereal meandering melody. The wide ranging, enticing vocals from Gina Stone and big riffs from guitarist Leigh Edwards prove to be a fabulously powerful combination. Plus from November 2017 there will be fresh new blood in the rhythm section Danny Krash on drums and Dan Foster on bass giving the ghosts a new dimension.

Their first EP 'Curious Attraction', released last year, has had a fantastic response. Reviews appearing in rock magazines and websites including Power Play Rock and Metal Magazine, Sea of Tranquility (Progressive Rock) Website and Woody's Rock Reviews. They were invited by BBC Lincolnshire Introducing to play a live session in June 2017 which included a cover of Black Velvet and various tracks from Curious Attraction. Also plenty of airplay from local radio stations including BBC Introducing Nottingham, TBFM Insonic Rocks and Gravity FM, Songs of Preys, Nightbreed Radio - Dark Frequency.

From the groove-led hard rock of Pulse to the gentle ballad of Drowning, catchy choruses of Magnetic and Moonchild, plus a sprinkling of carefully chosen covers, The House of Ghosts will make any gig a good night to be haunted!

I got there early which meant that i got myself a seat upfront and watched the band do test runs and setting up, I always try to be at the front as that way i do not have to fear of looking forward being surrounded by lots of people, i just focus on the band and the music (:

From the moment they sung their first song, they already took their sound quality to a new level, and sounded even better then the last time i heard them.
The Unique thing about this band, is how well the songs are put Together, with most of them being longer then your normal radio song, your hit with the very elegant and powerful voice of Gina Stone Aka Janet Mcdermott-Brown that passes through your body and soul, almost feel like your drifting away but then brought back by the most insane crazy skills of the new drummer Danny Krash, who was having the time of his life, if thats not enough you have the pulses of the bass guitar by  Daniel Foster and the really epic and mesmerizing Guitar skills and solos by Leigh Edwards with Exciting Rifts that brings a passion and edge to the band !!!
The whole experience of watching them live is like your living an atmosphere of being In a 80,90's Festival, In front of a massive crowd just having the time of your life (:                                                         

They have Recently been on BBC Introducing Which i think is awesome and i am glad to see this band getting know !!!

Half way through, the set  even though I loved every member of the band, scanning back and forth really watching the fingers move wild on the Guitars and hearing the wonderful smooth vocals, I have to admit Danny Krash caught my eye the most.

I have always had a passion for listening closely and watching drummers, If there is a concert on TV i focus more to the beat of the drums then the whole song, Its crazy how much a drummer can play to perfection and just pour their heart out, i also love when it comes to the end of the song and you get to see the mad drum solo hehe.

I was happy because not only was i relaxed but was having the time of life just not being me while being me?This is where a lot of photographers will know this pain, that is of spending to much time in front of a screen rather then just living the moment.
Its annoying because Technology is everywhere, and often is our downfall, and it took me to have a set back of doing photography, to see how much i hid behind the camera in order to make friends but also force myself to see bands play.
Seeing that band play was the first time i had went without my camera, i may not have spoken to anyone but to me just being able to chill and listen to live music which is way better then anything in the world, just made me happy (:
Its nice to have photos to lookback on but i do feel that gigs are meant to be enjoyed, by not spending time looking down to change settings on a camera and watch them through a lens !!!!
It was nice just being a a human being for a change and not having to relay on a camera in order to enjoy life (:

As the band was performing their last songs, I must admit their last songs were the best and the ones i enjoyed the most, I fount myself, moving and tapping along more and more wishing i could live in that moment just a little bit more (:

I was super impressed with the 2 new members as it was their first time performing in a venue as a whole band.
Overall I aim to see them again but in a different venue maybe Lincoln or Newark and even if my blog inspires just one person to see live music and even see The House Of ghosts then i will be thrilled hehe.

I hope The band keeps staying strong, making new tracks, expanding their audience and who knows touring across Countries one day !!!!
Note- photography in this blog is not mine (:

If you would like to know more of the band and The Grantham live Music scene please check the links below (:
- http://www.thehouseofghosts.co.uk
-https://www.facebook.com/thehouseofghostsuk/
-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8K19uH1GHa0

Grantham live music Scene
https://www.facebook.com/Granthamlivemusicscene/
http://www.granthamlivemusicscene.co.uk/


My social links -
https://www.facebook.com/dmpphotographyuk/
https://twitter.com/HLincolnshire
https://twitter.com/DanMediaP

MY Zone Challenge Month, Feel Good Fitness, New Classes | Daniel Marshall Adventures

Welcome, In this post i will be talking about how i did During the Myzone Challenge month and about the new classes at The gym !!!

I have been posting a lot about Feel Good Fitness Because of how much it has changed my life, and how the more i keep going, the more i get stronger and the more memories and friends i make (:
The last week In September I noticed posters advertising October Myzone  Challenge month.
The idea was simple just put on your Myzone belt used to track your stats and myzone points, work hard and have fun (:

You got 1 ticket for every 100 Points, with it being capped at 50 tickets which is 5,000 points.

I had worked out for me to earn the most per day would be to do a lot of Cardio, which because i loved taking the Wattbike classes, it fitted nicely.
I knew October would be very demanding on my body, as i was in the middle of a 9 week Training workout with friends which was very intensive, on top of doing tennis 3 times a week, and doing classes, It meant that everyday i was at least doing something physically.
I had decided about a week into the challenge to try using the belt while i played tennis.
As I normally run a lot anyway and for at least 3 hours, so even without the challenge it would be cool to see my stats, see how much effort i put in and how high my heart rate
is.
I had never worn the belt beforehand as i was worried it might put me off my game, I have always had this annoying thing where i can not stand things being on my body, like watches etc.
Lucky enough it did not put me off my game, and i think somehow in the back of my mind, it made me push harder to improve my game and fitness because i knew i was aiming for a goal (:


As you can see I earned 403 My Zone Points, from playing 3 hours of tennis, with 25min walk there and back, and some breaks, 0 points are usually earned from a standing heart rate, its only when your heart rate goes higher that you start to go into the different color zones, 50-60 =1point, 60-70=2points, 70-80 =3 points, and 80-100 is 4 points, all points are worked out per min your in that zone.

 
So to compare that with a gym result above youll see that i push myself harder but for a shorter time, 

I am normally in the higher zones longer then tennis, because even though i push myself at tennis and its a lot of moving, your managing your stamina throughout the time your playing, rather then giving it your all in a class for the gym. if i did 3 straight hours of gym Cardio i would earn more points in a quicker time but run the risk of burning out with trying to keep in a high zone for that time period.

We all need Breaks !!!! even working out you can not expect to keep at a high rate for that long.

The reason i do not wear the belt while doing weights, is to me it does bother me, and if i am doing anything where i have something pressed to my chest the belt then digs in.
I am sure a lot of people do wear it while doing workouts but for me it just does not work out.
The cool thing about the belt is when your doing activity outside of the gym it stores the information on the device, then once your done, pair the device on your phone,tablet etc, open the app and upload the data (: 
After 2 weeks into the challenge i was noticing people way ahead of me, so i decided to push even harder at least 2-3 times a week for that month i was going to play tennis, and then in the evening either do some Cardio on my own or do a class.
As you can imagine i was very competitive and determined to win some prizes, my goal was to reach the capped level, and then still work hard but not push even harder as there would of been not point as any points over the capped level would not count towards the prizes anyway.

One of the days i went to play tennis i played the best i ever did and earned the most points which was great for Racking them up.

That month only seemed to get more competitive with me swapping places between 3rd and 4th with the most points earned.
The pressure to do well got even higher when more rewards were thrown into the mix..
Nothing to do with the Myzone challenge month, but in the case of the myzone match which is using during the Watt Bike class.
The concept of the zone match, is to keep in the zones for the time it says so for example stay in the yellow zone 80-90 percent, for 1 minute, On the live board in front of you, you can see your match percent, as you can see from the picture above.
so if you have someone matches you, and then you drop out of the zone or even go into a higher one before your supposed to your percent will drop while the other person who is still in the right zone will go up.
A prize would be given to the person who wins 6 zone matches, so of course this now meant swapping one of my weight workout days to enter another watt bike class for more chances to win prizes haha... Hmm Competitive much ? (:
I had got to know new people, and had a arch rival, her name was Jo !!!! hehe
I had a blast as me and her were so close in the class, the first class i Lost to her by 1 percent, as when it gets to the last few sections where you had to drop your heart rate, i really struggled, which meant i was not the right zone, as i watched my percentage drop and Jo"s rise, it was fun as we both pushed each other with the more times we went onto the watt bike class.
The next time we faced i had won by 0.1 percent !!!! and then recently we faced again and like with the first time my heart rate would not drop, but we all have a laugh and come away feeling happy (:


To get me even more excited about going to the gym more, was the announcement of new classes at the gym !!! which inc Adult Dance,bootylicious,Hit and Box fit, as well as having the other classes they had on before.
The last week of the challenge i got angry and upset with myself as i had come down with a nasty cold, which meant i had to miss a few things, and take it much easier, which meant i was earning less points.
However as much as possible i still kept pushing hard and overall by the end of the month i had reached just over 6,000 Points !!!
You will see though that i earned over 7,000 as i was told that one of the zones did not count in the challenge, and with that in mind i have no idea how the person who came in first ranked up so many !!!! to be honest its good to push yourself but as i mentioned its silly to go at full pelt still if you have earned over 5,000 as the tickets would be capped.
It was now time for the prize draw with tickets being pulled at Random, prizes inc, next vouchers, scales, lanyards, myzone T-shirt, extra membership, and personal training sessions.
I had won a session with the manager Helen, i was gutted i did not win anything else, but hey that is life, just means that i will keep trying next time its on (:
Speaking of driving forward, is having the chance to get to know a wonderful new addition to the gym Team which is Kelsey Pakes

she is a level 3 Personal Trainer with a love for exercise and fitness. she has a strong dance background and has worked as a professional dancer as well as leading her own dance classes. she wants to help others find confidence in the gym and work with them to reach their goals, whether it be training for an event or whether it’s making exercise a part of your weekly routine. shes very much a people person, she  hopes to find ways of making fitness engaging and creating programmes that work for each individual. she specialises  in a range of classes from dance and aerobics to circuits/bootcamp and strength and conditioning. If your goal is to lose weight, gain muscle and improve your overall health and fitness levels – she  can help you!

whenever i am at the gym she is also up for a chat, and much like the picture she always seems full of drive and being happy (:
So if you want to find out more about her please check in the links at the end of this post.

Weather i am working out with my friends, or doing classes with a group and the member of staff taking it, i am always able to not only push myself a lot harder but come away from the session, tired but happy knowing that its been a fun class or a good laugh with my mates and the amazing hard working staff.
The whole team at feel good are truly amazing people, not only do they work on their own fitness goals, but they manage the place, they make sure your ok, always up for a laugh, and work hard putting on the awesome classes that if your a member they are all free !!! and i tell you what, being on some of the classes as really helped my confidence, its given me a higher drive, of focus, and i have created such wonderful fun memories (:

The last exciting thing i wanted to talk about was going on my first Box fit class which was only Yesterday 08-11-17
I had never done boxing before, and never worn boxing gloves, as well as my confidence still not being that great around others,
The class got into pairs with me pairing with Helen.
She explained what the class was about, demonstrated the moves and off we went for a intense 45 minute session.
the first technique was the good old 1-2, the boxing gloves felt so strange on me and i was not sure how hard to hit, as with doing a 9 week training program with my friends, and with never punching before, i was unsure of my strength.
it was time for a swap as now i was defending Helens punches, and man is she super strong haha, i was a little worried but it was good fun (:
we learned many more steps like, 1-1-2, uppercuts etc.

Halfway through the session to make it easier for helen to get around everyone and to help them out to, i went on the punching bag, doing the same moves as the rest of the class still.
I did enjoy using the bag more as i did not have to worry in case i accidentally hurt someone and my focus was a lot better, learning boxing was hard and at times it did hurt my hands.
Like with anything new you have to wear it in ,get a feel for it, and although i had been doing a lot of weights and getting stronger, i had never used those muscles in that way so of course it was going to hurt a bit.
Overall i really loved the session, i left feeling very pumped, and i certainly will have a crack at it again !!!!
This is a lovely quote from the net that is true to who i am.
I might lack confidence when talking to people but i just focus in life what makes me happy (: That is working hard on my mental health, working hard on my physical health,
trying out new things, learning about life, and most of all just trying to fill each day with a lot of laughs, and memories !!!

What i want to keep working on is expanding my circle of friends, keep being who i am,
Keep coming out of my comfort zone and to just keep pushing myself more and more,
Physical activities make me happy, so if something is not broken do not try to fix it just find that something your good at, or you enjoy and work at it to keep improving (: 

Thanks for reading please check out the links below - Kelsey Pakes
https://www.facebook.com/kptraininguk/
https://www.instagram.com/k.p.training/

Feel good fitness-
https://www.facebook.com/FeelgoodGrantham
http://www.feelgoodfitness.net/grantham/grantham.html
https://www.instagram.com/granthamfeelgood/