The Month that has shocked me the most in my life | Looking back at January 2018 !!! | Daniel Marshall Adventures

I made the Decision only a few weeks into January that i wanted to change the way i write what is on my mind.
Instead of just writing a long post about a topic when i felt like it, i came up with the idea of setting myself a goal each month to talk about how a month has gone.

This month has had a few ups and downs but its the best month across the years, and when i say its not really been that eventful to compared to other months in my life you will know why its been the best !!!! (:

Now although this post is about January i wanted to inc a magical experience at the end of December 2017

I had decided That although i loved Photography, it had been acting as a shield to defend my anxiety, a way i could go to events and be around a lot of people and cope a bit better.
However that only made me not feel safe or happy whenever i decided to go without the use of my camera, it made dealing with people even harder. So i decided to put photography to one side for the time being.
On the 30th December was an experience like living a dream, and when i look back i wish it never ended !!!

I went to see CJ Hatt a musician I have seen so many times now and can never get enough of listening to him live, he brings humor, a talkative and killer list of songs to perform to every gig he goes to.

The place was Castlegate In Grantham, and with it being a few days before the new year i expected the place to be really busy, instead it still had a lot of people but the right kind that made my night special.

I went without my bag, without my camera and just experienced his pure talent, being relaxed and having a blast.
Now when i say i kind of danced even though i can not at all !!! it pushed my safe zone so much but was glad that so many people understood and tried to just make me come out of my comfort zone.

CJ started to play a frozen song that he nailed which was requested by one of the viewers,
every song he played and sung was him playing at his best.
The mood of the place was amazing, everyone dancing and enjoying the end of 2017.
I was offered to dance so many times that in the end i was given no choice haha,
Although i was so anixous, shy and just well over thinking everything, it was a experience that i have always wanted, just to be able to be me, and join in with everyone.
I admit seeing everyone else always have fun no matter how much you try to look on the bright side always makes you feel a little sad.
Sad that you are not Joining in, and to not only feel more free dancing but to just let my hair down and sing along to the songs to.

I had never been surround by so many people that believed in the person i can be and just really opened my eyes on what i had been missing because i either took my camera or did not turn up because i knew i would not feel right (:

 
Fitness never stops even on the first day of 2018 !!! It had been so cold Throughout December but i never gave up going to the gym and playing tennis.
I do not know what came over me but i just felt like starting the year with my first outside run in many months.
So I put on My Myzone belt, Started from Grantham college, and worked out a route i wanted to take, and just kept it steady, making sure not to over do it since i was not used to running in the cold.
My idea was that i wanted to slowly get back into outdoor running to train myself to be able to run again at park runs.

I have used the belt while working out at the gym, and playing tennis but never when on a run, so i was shocked and happy to see my stats when i got back, to see that my peak heart rate was high when i was not even pushing at my best (:

Sadly i had a feel down days after that due to coming down with a bad illness and it being 2 years since i split up with my ex, I mentioned her a fair bit in my blogs so i wont say anymore (:

Despite that small set back, i powered through my illness still being me, still enjoying life and being happy with tennis and gym.

In Fact The start of 2018 has been very cold, but i have also surprised myself as normally i can not take the cold, i also bury myself in bed and get bad headaches from the cold.

So as well as being able to power the cold, i was breaking my own fitness records at the gym classes.
I was able to put even more effort in, still be me, still have fun and be very competitive.
I was proud of myself because i maintained a high average effort, a high average heart rate and even though i was coughing and felt like collapsing i pushed myself to get a high heart rate as well (:

I think the key to my fitness and success is that i do try for someone, i do not try to impress people, I just bring me to everything i do, my personality, and of course i would not have the same push and be happy without the people i have surrounded myself with.
When i am in the classes, yes i am battling to win the class but i am surrounded by awesome music, awesome motivation by the staff, and the awesome people in the classes !!!!

Its the same at tennis and that is why this whole month has been some of my best tennis matches, some of best playing, and why tennis this month has been the most fun.
As soon as i stopped worrying so much with what i could not do and what things i really kept trying to do over and over, getting really stressed and failing, I became more happy.

In a way i take Physical Strength very serious, its helped me no end to not only get stronger, which has helped me played amazing shots and run for balls i never thought i would get, to helping my mind with my mental health.

In a way its not me being Negative i guess but the gym and Tennis is all i have in my life.
Yes i have photography but that is something i have had to have a long think over.

I can not Believe i am writing this but expect for taking pics of my muscles and myself, I have not taken any Photography in over a month.
I have not even gone for any walks like i normally used to do 1-2 times a week.
I simply just focused on the love of tennis, and getting stronger at the gym, filling my life, with the people in my life and just living in the moment rather then having to capture it.

I love photography, and i love seeing what people capture, but it no longer takes over my life as must as it used to.
Its good sometimes to have a break from something as you get to gather information and then almost start from the beginning looking what works and what does not.

For example, I knew from day one from experience Prior Before buying the same Camera i have used in the past that its not good in low light and not got a great zoom, in the best mode to capture photography which is the Raw Format.
I know from looking back at my work that night photography is not capable with my camera, and that indoor photography with low lighting again will not take great pictures.

So I use this Information to form a plan on what i should work on, Which is mostly Outdoor events as my skill is taking pictures of people.
I know my Camera can be great in black and white for photography of live music with poor lighting, or lighting that has a lot of different colours going off.
If i shoot in anything other then Raw yes i may get the very slim chance of a unique shot, and yes i can zoom further but when it comes to Editing where my other skill comes into play, i dont have near enough tools at my disposal.

So my camera may have a lot of flaws but it also has a very Uniqueness when it comes to Using Photoshop to edit them !!!

Then there is my Video Production side, I gave up the idea ages a go of even trying to spend so many hours, of learning trying to turn my videos into Professional content.

I do not have the top of the range computers, so if i am doing a big project, it will often crash, go slow and then there is having to use public WiFi of the cost of a drink in order to upload the Video.
I have a portable wifi Device due to Living in Temp Housing and arent allowed to have The likes of Virgin etc Installed even though it would save trips and money  to places with decent wifi.

If i was being paid for my work it would not be so bad but i do this with my own time and money.
Why???? Well its simple my video quality will never be that high enough for money to be made.
I wouldnt want it any other way, Its to stressful i have been there and done that.
For me I may only make say 5 videos a year but i do them to help the local community that in it self its my reward, I admit sometimes it gets stressful as i want to do a good job but overall i enjoy seeing the finished product and seeing the comments and shares.

Again its Balancing your life, Trying to compete with other local video Production companies but to much stress to the point i lose interest in the whole Production side.
To some my life may not be much but i have had to get up everyday and force myself just to be where i am now.
If my physical health was took away from me and my photography, i would be where i was 2 years a go, in pieces, getting stressed, upset for hours everyday, and simply not wanting to live.

I may post a lot on my Facebook how happy a session has gone and how my physical health has improved so much, again its all i have and i strive to always push my limits, to better, achieve at what i know i can do.

Only the other day I sat and laughed and thought in a way i have always been really good at things that have a competitive and adrenaline edge to them.

I haven't done Gaming in over 2 years but when i was gaming i used to do it 4+ hours a day,
The games i was really good at was racing, i spent so much of my life clued to it.
Going online on my fav game Driveclub, and Competing in Timed events, doing lap after lap trying to get into the top 100 haha.

When i finished school, i picked up golf very quickly and was good at it, I used to do Badminton and was extremely good at it, see the pattern yet haha.

If i am given a target, i excel and i think that is why i win classes at the gym and why I am able to be so happy, because i am getting that Pure craved Adrenaline rush.
When i am in that nothing else matters, no bills no having to worry about my future etc just me having the time of my life.

I came away from having a lot of things in my life, to barley having anything it took time but because the one thing which was gaming that used to take so much of time up had gone i was forced to find something else i could pour my heart into.

Yes i do miss gaming, but i would rather be outside using that same drive into tennis, i would rather get stronger then be a couch patio (:

Just because i seem to be happy a lot does not always mean i am, i have started to try and post less negative things on social media mainly because my life as a whole is much better then it used to be.

By doing that though just make you think that i am happy all the time, and this month i have had a few small wobbles Depression and aniexty are still there and will always be there.

I think one of the most common used words that is used to motivate someone but sometimes no many how many times its said and by how many people does not mean it works for everyone.
That word being come out of your comfort zone !!!!

For me, i have this battle most days and most of the time its autally in my happy places.
So for example the classes, i have mentioned this before in a blog which is the watt bike classes.
Yes i am in a room with people, but the bikes are facing at a screen and so are you, watching every second as your percent goes up and down making sure your in the right zone.
You have not got time to worry about others in the room because of that rush you are getting.

Many times i have been asked to join in classes like boxing, circuits and others but i do fear i will never have the courage to do them.

This is because of 2 big reasons, one is the fact is often takes someone showing me over and over in order to do something because of my Dysprixa, this will then take a lot of time from others in the class as well as feeling stupid in front of others because i can not the simple workouts.

I still have to have my friend at the gym, helped with getting my arms and body in the right postitions for some workouts, and even after being shown, i get so frustrated, i do not show it but at times i just feel like punching the wall or going home as i know how to do the silly workout but my body wont listen.
This is some kind of good that comes from that as i use that anger to channel my strength in order to lift and do higher weights then i would think possible, again its that aderlaine  rush.

Combine looking like a idiot with not being comfty around people does not make a good mix.
Then it becomes annoying because it looks like i am always avoiding people or there seems something quite not right with me.

That is why I celebrate a lot when i do achieve something that others may do quicker or a lot better as it took me a while to get there and of course i am then happy i have done said thing.

From learning about myself is again that pure drive, Ok by the end of playing tennis or the gym class i am shattered beyond belief, its not because i have no stamina, its because i put everything into it.
at tennis even if the shortest shot has been played, i will run like there is no tomorrow and pull of some out of this world shots.
I could be losing in a match, my opponent making me run for every ball, sweating, aching but i will not give up and again am able to pull off shots out of no where, feet hurting about to give in and still have that drive to keep pushing.

At the gym is the same for the classes last few mins of the class, feet hurting, I know if i back off i end up losing to someone else after doing so well, so i push through that pain barrier in order to find an extra charged battery and go even faster then i had throughout the session.
I may end up most of the time hurting myself but that is me i am a fighter and the only way to break records is to always push your limits.

That is why a wonderful person last year posted this at the park run !!!
it was i think only my 3rd parkrun it got to last bend and in all honestly i was in massive pain.
I had already stopped for a few seconds 3-4 times across the event, but i saw someone i knew that i wanted to finish in front of them, and is was like Turbo just kicked in, from out of no where i rushed past so many people to the finish line, like that was i was done out of it, one turn back and yet I managed to kick it into overdrive !!!

It really is amazing how far you can push your body, Most of the fight is always in your brain its your brain that tells you, you are in pain, and ok sometimes is best not to push but if you always listened to your brain you would never get anywhere !!!!

Doing anything physical does not fix your issues but it does make you more happier it does make you have a better outlook in life.

Is has been hard to try and do new things in my life but i have so many barriers stopping me,
I have never been a social person, even though that is what i crave so much,

Even though i have friends and even though i know a lot of people at the gym and tennis, i am so caught up having fun doing what i am doing that being social kind of goes out of the window.

I do not seem to have that capable switch in order for myself to force my social side out, no matter how much i try, the most i seem to be able to do is say hello, how are you, or if a talking point is made after that i go quiet, and then act awkward.

I still keep trying, for me even if i am not talking much just being around people and listening to what they have to say makes me happy at least it keeps my brain from thinking bad things.

That it why i was so happy months a go to find the Magic Cottage In Grantham, to be able to go there laid back social meets once a month, and just be around amazing people.
I was so happy for the owner to say at the last social only last week that they were expanding after only a year of opening as a business (:

For me its good to not only be able to help a business with my photography but be a part of the growing of the businesses.
Networking is a power tool, and it has helped me a little with being social.
My happiness comes from seeing others happy, from seeing businesses grow and that then turns into inspiration to try/ improve my own skills.

Its odd because when i look back at the start of 2017 It may have had a lot more things going off then the start of this year, due to starting new things, and coming out of my shell more.
However the start of this year has been my most happiest and less busy month.
I think what has surprised me the most has been my will power through the cold, to be able to play tennis at 2 degrees and play my best game after game, to compared to last year where the cold just was making me ill.

I did have a small scare a week back when i started to get what i thought and others thought other then the doctors a migraine.
I suffer when its cold anyway and always get headaches, but last week the pain was in one place at the top of my head, i could feel my heart beating through it and every time it pounded it hurt so much that i was in total pain.
It got that bad that i do not normally give up on things it takes a lot but coming back from playing tennis it felt like i was about to pass out, i got home, crawled into bed and went to sleep.
Only after a hour of trying to sleep did it stop and with help from taking tablets i had over from recovering from my illness i had weeks before.

The next day it hurt really bad again so i went to the doctors and said it was not a migraine but just could be sinuses from my illness just gone.
for about 5 days now its not bothered me so i am hoping he was right and it does not come back as i never had headaches that bad in my life.

So overall this month may not have been anything special but at least my depression has not been bad.

Its taken time to get the right sort of people in my life, who listen, who understand and can see potential in me.

No matter where you live even in a great place like Grantham you will always get those who judge you on your past, how you look etc.

I will not mention names but i have had to deal with a few people this month who did look down on me because of my looks, who did look down on me because of my past, and people who tell people to stay away from me.

Its sad really that these people have the time to waste their own lives, they get off on hurting people and trying to make that person not have friends, when in reality they are just wasting their time.
Maybe at the start of 2016 it would have hurt me but now i have great friends, and yes i might want to expand on the people i have in my life and meet new people.
For now though i am happy with who i have in my life, i would rather have a small group of people then have idiots who just want to bring you down (:

So to bring this blog to a end, on the 3th February I get to go to London again as i did last march to march with lots of people to save our NHS !!!!

Its going to be a very long day and a long week, as we will be leaving just after 7 which means i need to be up just before 6am, we wont be back in Grantham, till around 7pm.
I then need to quickly sort through my photography and get at least a few good pictures up from the day to get them out there.
I then throughout the week need to spend time editing the rest which i expect over 100.
If that was not enough, i need to sit through tons of video footage and put Together a video of the day and then once that is all done, do social media marketing, and put a blog post up about the event !!!!
phew ....

Its hard work but its what i love and even if it helps one person i am happy (:
So there you go that has been my month, i do not know what February will bring, but i hope the weather gets warmer and i hope for good things (:
Thanks for Reading





 

Looking back at 2017 !!! Mental and Physical Health | DanielMarshallAdventures

2016 was a very hard year, but 2017 has really changed my life, it has shocked me so i wanted to go through the bad and good points over the last 2 years.

Now I think i have gone into a lot of what happened in 2016 so i will try to briefly explain.

After suffering with depression and anxiety while being with someone for 5 years, things started to fall apart, and in the end due some major faults of my own we broke up a few days into 2016.

At that point i was homeless, i had no friends and i did not want to be around my family.
I tried to kill myself, for 6 months i barley ate, hardly leaving my room, and everyday crying, tearing myself apart.

I could not stop contacting my ex because she was everything, as i did not have a good childhood or a great life overall until i met her.
I was also bullied at school for being the quite one, and no matter how much i tried to fit in i was always picked on and looked down upon.

so for me because i had never made friends, and spent my time making sure she was happy, i just felt like i had nothing to live for.

I had never got help for my issues, and no one suggested about it either until the break up.
I ended up getting a 12 month harassment thing where i could not contact her, etc and i decided then that clearly i was never going to see or speak to her again even as friend so to now focus on turning my life around.

Throughout 2016 i tried to make friends from Grantham online, as my social skills have never been great, and to some it may seem like freckish messaging people on facebook around the local area i dont know.
To me i am confident online, and to me because i struggle so much with people skills in the real world, i would much rather get to know people online for a while first before meeting to be friends.

We somehow still live in a world that people look down upon you for that, and social media has grown so much that i do not see what the issue is now days.

It was not until i started trying to cover events with my photography and videos that i started to find where i belong within the local community.
by the end of 2016 I had managed to find myself a training partner at the gym, as i was really struggling to use the equipment and push myself to go.
what i often get return is people who do not know me being so nasty
Tbh i blame technology, we live more and more in a very anti social and nasty world where everyone inc females will look down at someone they dont even know because of how they look, when trying to get to know someone people will make the stupid viral word of your not my type which is just a lazy way to hold back a nasty comment they want to make on your looks.
like how is someone not your type when all you wanna do is be friends with that person?
It just mades me really angry that these people have nothing better to do in their lives then to look down on others.These people are normally so up their ass that they think they have the perfect friends and the perfect life.
For me i do not judge, on looks, age etc, because a lot of people have forgotten that personality is key.
You could be at society puts it hot as fuck, but you could be a total bitch inside, one that talks behind peoples back, laugh and put others down, just to make their own lives less boring (:

With having my own experiences of hanging out with people at school just to have friends, when in reality all they ever did was take the piss out of me.
at the time i thought having nasty friends was better then having no one but i soon realized that i would rather suffer alone then hang out with those who would only make my depression worse.

So when i started making my first friend i did not know what to expect, he soon became my best friend, as i made more friends online and through tennis and covering events my confidence started to Bulid.

Over the course of 2017 my physical health has only kept growing, and i have been able to achieve so much because of it.
When i was at the gym though i often did struggle with my grip still as well as knowing how to do said workout but after being shown needing help straight away, as i understood what to do but my body would not do the same.
so one of the workouts is using cables, so you arch your back out and pull the cable from your lower chest back up and i could never keep my arms in the right place.
with the deadlifts i kept moving my whole body instead of just standing up.
The annoying thing was i did not know i was doing it when lifting.
I would be told again and again from my friend but most of the time my body never listened.
so overall to people it looks like i am dumb when i am not its just my body is not on the same wave length as my body.
so for me i have to try twice as hard over doing it just to try and keep calm to do the workouts but also push to compete with what they were lifting in terms of weight.
I manage somehow to turn my upset and anger into raw strength, and its amazing how much push i have that only keeps surprising me more and more.

After a few months of using gym gloves for my grip, i eventually stopped using them, which things like the lat pull down and the max rack was still digging into my hands but now i could tolerate the pain a lot more.

Although throughout this year i have been able to get stronger, and more confident around the gym in terms of using the equipment by myself and even trying equipment i was scared to by myself, my confidence around others is still something i need to work on.
I have managed to take part in one class that has changed my stamina and speed, and had be fun and a lot of competition but i have avoided classes like circuits, boxing, dancing and other due to the fact i also need help as i get confused a lot.

On top of that i have this annoying thing about me that i am not confident around females, which in a way out of my own fault its stopped me from being able to explore and train with others in the fun classes.

so instead i just learned to focus on the one class i was good at, and kept aiming to get better and better.
In October it was a double challenge for me as the gym had prizes going for that month so i pushed extra hard but also mixing the watt bike class up with target based sessions.

In the last 3 months i have bonded with people in that class, because of how much everyone pushes themselves to achieve.

Just as i start to win classes and break my own records i have to push even harder as others have pushed just as hard to match me, we all have fun and laughs and its an awesome feeling to be in for that 30 minutes of the class.

In Fact only a week a go to me was the best class ever !!!
I not only got a much higher percentage overall in the class, but beaten records of overall heart rate and peak heart rate for a morning class (:
What amazed me more was a guy that came out of nowhere to match me all the way through that class and ended up beating me toward the end, its a crazy feeling, having the music pumping, seeing how well your doing in front of you, your legs hurting, but out of no where you keep pushing more and more because you want that win !!!!

Its that pure adrenaline rush i have craved more then ever this year, 90 percent of the time, if i running to play shots at tennis, or pedaling fast on the watt bikes, i am happy, i have more engry then i could dream off, my depression gone, i am not worrying or thinking about anything other then pushing my limits more and more.

around 4 months a go i managed to push my heart rate to 195 and it did scare me as for a short while after i did feel dizzy and took me a while to calm down but after something to eat and rest despite reaching my limit, i felt alive and could go again (:

So for me 195 is not good enough in 2018 i wanted to reach at least 200 i know i can do it given the right music and the right situation and as long as i have something with sugar or a bite to eat straight after i will be fine.

Overall i feel the last 4 months something has snapped inside of me, and put me on a even better track in life, it has had it challenges though.

I went through very bad points during those months but without that would not lead me to my new thinking in life and i still do think everything happends for a reason.
The first thing to change was admitting to myself i longer have passion for making videos and to stop trying to keep doing it and then getting stressed over the whole process.
I decided at that point my life needed a new direction, which was to try and go back into Education and study within the health sector.
After a back and forth week of going to the job centre and back to the college, i was told i could not get funding for any level 2, but could for level 3 but cant study level 3 without going on level 2 !!!

I went for the Interview for the course anyway while waiting to hear from the jobcentre over funding.
the course required you to do a screening test aimed at dyslexia.
I got really stressed while taking it and the results showed that i do suffer with it but with it being a screening test it was not a official assessment.
After getting advice from the college i was told it was best to take my GCSES again,
this way it would help re train my brain but also help with getting used to being around others.
i was told however that i would not be able to get any help over my learning diffulty until i was studying a course at the college.
so i started stepping up my already pestering and researching over getting help for my learning diffuclites.

I asked on local facebook groups for any advice, and then i went off contacting lots of different compaines.
most of them either said they was no help, no funding, or to have words with the doctor
The doctors so far in Grantham, either tell you to get over it or do not understand no matter how much you explain things.

I got in touch with a company in Grantham who deal with dyprxia but the problem was they charge 14 pounds per hour, and when i spoke to them, they said i would be looking at a couple of hours a week for at least 1-2 months to chat about the process of getting help etc.
which would be at least 100 pounds a month, and with being on jobseekers i couldnt afford that.
Lots of people have said to me you need to go on ESA again tried that with the useless doctors who take one look at me and go your 26 you look in good shape, if i give you a sick note you would only keep coming back to get one ??? like yeah thats what ESA is you need a sick note to start the application in the first place, and then you need to keep going back in order to keep sending it off so you can get your payments.
i think ive had at least 10 people plus my support worker who say that i need to be on ESA but because the idiot doctors dont understand, then i have just had to stay on job seekers.

A few weeks a go i got in touch with a wonderful company in Lincoln, who understood me very well, and gave me help on the best way to ask for help at the doctors.
This person mentioned that at boston Hospital they look into Learning Difficulties but i would need to be referred by a doctor for it.
So weeks later i was seen by a doctor with my support worker.
I explained everything, inc about the referral, he just shook his head, ingored what i said and moved on in the talk like how rude !!!!

How rude that after 5 times explaining what my issues were and how it affects my day to day life, did it take my support worker to step in as well in order to get a NHS form Printed off, which basically asks you what your issues are and why you need help, which then gets sent back to the doctor and sent away for someone else to look out.

On top of that, on my medical records it was shown that dyslexic was already on there from 2008, 10 years a go !!!
and yet over the last 2 years of seeing over 10 different doctors, not once when mentioning about getting help with it did anyone ever mention my medical records which they would need to look at everytime i asked for help !!!
The Fact as well that it took that many doctors and that many tries to get a NHS form as well is a joke.

 See everything is connected, i cant get a proper place to live as i am not high enough on the Counil,
i cant get higher because i do have issues with my mental health and learning, but have not been on paper to help the application move along.

I cant get help for my issues, so my issues gets worse, which impacts my mental and physical health.
and so on.

So in my mind everything i Achieve is always a test for me and has been Extremely hard to push through everything in order to be happy.
Someone once told me, if your capable of playing sport, in good physical health, and do photography, then why are you not working???

For me everyday is a challenge, with my mental health and with how i am able to get things done.
so i already mentioned about my body doing different to my hands because of that, i have last every job i have had in the past.
My depression also having a big impact on working as, its very hard to control, most of the time it just switches on and off, without a cause, when that happens and i am in a crowed place my aniexty then kicks in to make things even worse.

There are days where i feel good and somedays were my bed is the only place i can be all day.
It was not until the end of 2016 that i was told that Physical health helps a lot with these issues.
So I took Charge and quickly learned that being at the gym and at tennis made me super happy.
That right there is the only answer, when i am in that space, most of the time i dont worry, my issues are gone and i feel good about myself, i do often still struggle with social interaction and being around people but when i am there its more under control to compared to working, as its something i am happy about and enjoying, hence the reason why i wanted to start my own business up.

Its taken a year of hard battles, of even having days and weeks where even sport has made me upset and feel worse, to make my physical health much better which had not fixed my mental health but made it so much better.

Its one of the things why going back into education is key for me as its taking one step out of my comfort zone, getting used to be around others again and hoping that after my GCSES i can either finally get somewhere with studying within the health sector or have the confidence to work again.
as i may be able to capture photography for events but i am not a confident person around people overall.
Now is partly one of the reasons i decided to take a break from photography, even my Private Counselor argeed, she said i would regret it if i stopped it all together, as its where my creative mind comes from, its my passion and its done wonders with connecting with the local community.
However i often used the camera as an excuse to hide the real me, i used the camera as my confidence, and it got so bad that i really did not enjoy going to things without it.
It did me good but it also was a major issue is enforcing the issue rather then learning to deal with being in a crowed place without it.
i was told that maybe for a short while just go out and take photography of what you like taking, rather then saying right today there is an event ill go and take photos of that.

all my friends and the local community have said the same thing which is just keep being me, keep enjoying what i do as it clearly has been helping.

Technology For me is a blessing and a curse, its a blessing as i am able to help the community, i am able to relax when not working on photos etc, and just watch my fav tv shows, movies and Youtube Videos.
Its a curse as because i have for to long made myself get cosy in the bed, it stops me from leaving as when i feel down, being in bed does not cure but helps make me feel better rather then trying to push through it and be social.

Its been a curse because i have not gone to things that i would enjoy because i havent been in the mood to bring my camera with me and in the last month of not really using it, i have been much happier (:
in the last month i have been more social, i listen more to people, i have slightly changed the way i have been eating, and i have more drive to succeed in life then i have done.
In a way i feel that i am very knowledgeable and easy to talk to because of my life experiences.

I loved being with my partner and yes i do miss her and yes i wish we could be friends,
but at the end of the day, through that experience ending, i am slowly finding the real me.
I have made friends, i have a great community of people that have started to understand me
and slowly i am getting used to being independent.
Its hard, sometimes it does feel lonely, and i know when i was with my partner i did relay on her a lot to do things i could not do, its taken 2 years to adjust myself to my new situation and i love it.

I am close to my flat mates which its the first time being in a shared house i have managed to let my guard down and be myself around others.
In a way they are more people in terms of friends, because we get on so well.
I enjoyed the 5 years i was with my partner and i would not want to change it expect just being able to have friends and learn to be an independent person back then.
and to me my life is only just starting i may be 26 but i feel like a kid again because i am now getting life experiences that i should have had around 19-20.

Overall this year has shown me that although i was not an amazing person with my partner and i had a lot of faults i have battled, to get help over it, i have took the time to learn about my faults and to either fix them or find a way around them.
and for 2018 i hope that i can finally get the help i have been looking for and that my new direction in life will be one with a good meaning, good laughs and great times.

Thank you For Reading and i hope your 2018 brings you some magical (:

Feel Good Fitness Grantham A year In the Making | Daniel Marshall Adventures

In this blog post you will get to understand why Feel Good Fitness has changed my life, why the business is so good and how i went from being really weak, to making a life for myself (:

Also the pictures in this post is a collection from images the gym staff took, England's Finest photography and some of my own took by my friends and edited by me, links will be at the end of this post (:

Its truly amazing how fast a year can fly by but more importantly how much your life can change in that time !!!!!!!

When i left school, which was In Nottingham i was 18, I went to a local leisure center  and i became super active, doing football, badminton and basketball every week, after a few months i started to fit gym in once a week as well.

Although i went to the gym, to be honest i never really put a lot of effort into it and half the time did not know what i was doing, so i stopped going.

this is me when i was 19, trying to act cool and a time when i first started wearing jeans lol

When i was 20 I moved to Grantham, over time i cut down a lot of sports, going for walks and i think i only ever went to a gym 3 times over the course of 5 years !!!!!

I became very weak, which even i laugh at this because i struggled to carry very light weight shopping, my stamina was poor, walking over a hour somewhere made me feel drained, hard to breathe, overall my physical condition needed to change so that is what i did when i joined Feel Good fitness In September 2016, The place being located in the George center In Grantham



A few weeks before I joined I had just started on a Tennis Project at Grantham Tennis club,  It was when i was walking through town to get there i noticed a flyer for the gym advertising a discount membership for 12.99 a month !!!!

I went for a introduction to sort paper work out but to also get a feel for the gym and how the equipment worked.

At this point in my life i had no friends, i was very anxious to workout with others being there and for about a month i only used a few machines as i kept forgetting how to use them, and did not want to be a burden on the staff.
In that month i remember mostly doing cardio, and oddly enough the treadmill which i hated in the past due to my feet not moving in the right way,  i somehow managed to get on with it and loved using it.

After a few months of Joining i was noticing a very small difference with the strength in my arms and the cardio as well as tennis was really helping with my speed and stamina.

I decided that in order to make the most out of my membership but also make the most of going to gym to improve was to find someone who also went there and could help me.
After searching for nearly a month I managed to find someone who to this today is not only my friend but my best friend (:  the incredible Lee Symons

In December my new partner in crime, mentioned he was just starting a new workout pattern that he wanted to get used to for a few weeks and then i would be ok to join him (:

So That is what i did at the very start of 2017, mince pies ate, indulging myself over, this  meant putting on weight, so as well as burning it off it was time to focus what mattered which was turning my life around (:

Of course with never sticking to a workout plan because i did not use much equipment, i was not expecting such a long and painful session.
me and lee got on well from the get go, talking about Video games a lot haha and just having fun while he was helping me get to grips with holding things. For the first few times of training using the bench press, max rack and the Cable Machine i started off with no weight as, i have a issue where quite a lot my body does not want to do what my brain is telling it, i can be shown how to do something and understand really well but come to do the thing i need to do and suddenly my body forgets how to.

After a few weeks of slowly starting to add weights on and using other equipment, the muscles started to show and i felt stronger as you can see via the picture below which was towards the end of January 2017
just from one month of working out with lee i could already feel the difference in being able to carry more shopping, i would go home in pain after the session but often still feeling pumped wanting to do more physical activities.

Then i had to have a week off due to a massive pain down my shoulder this is called a tear in your muscles. This is a normal thing as your body is trying to cope with the added weight and also using parts of your body that are weaker or you do not use as much, it will tear and hurt and then re build for it to become stronger (:

In February saw Helen take over as manager for the place and with me now focusing on trying to become stronger but also build my self confidence up, i decided to try and talk to more people around the gym inc the staff who now i have really bonded with and always keep pushing me to achieve more but to also create some amazing experiences that i can look back on.

which i will go into detail more later on !!!

At this point i was going to gym around 3-4 times a week, with having the off day some weeks due to starting a mini course learning about photography at Grantham College.

I had also Joined The tennis club which meant that some days going to the gym in the evening i was pushing less then what i normally do.
If you think it hurts when pushing up weights then try as much as possible to never have a week off as you find it will take a few sessions to be able to lift the same amount of weight again !!!

You know you have a awesome friend who can see you really struggling and can see your trying and wants to help out.
My grip has never been great, so when i start using the Lat pull down on very low weight i think around 20-30 it was literary ripping into my hands, i would get these massive lumps at the bottom of my fingers which would take nearly a week to heal.



As you can see from the picture above my friend brought me gloves and i tell you what it shows when you take away the pain how much more you can lift, I returned to the Lap pull downs a few weeks later and was now pushing 40-45kg


This then helped with using the max Rack to do shrugs and swats and oh boy was it a laugh trying to train my body to do them.

next to the max rack you have weight bags as you can  see from the image above that are  different amounts in weights.
My friend suggested since i could not do swats on the max rack to try with these.
Lets just say i spent more time laughing with my friend because i could not do it.
Another idea was to train my body to swat by having a bench behind me so when i get to the bottom of the swat i can get my body to be straight again to push the weight back up.
Over time this worked and now i can do swats no problem (:



Often if the staff are doing there best to help and have a laugh with you, they are working hard on their own training, which makes working out just a lot less painful because you can relax and just talk about your day but also you have targets to aim for because in your head your like well if the staff can push hard and get results then so can i !!!

In march I was completely overwhelmed, One day while i was working out with Lee, Kinga who you can see in the picture above, came over and said we all think you have done an amazing job to be where you are now, you train hard and that is what we like to see, so here is your very own  My Zone belt !!!!
I can tell you that this belt has changed my life, made me break records and really give me strength that i did not know, all this from a belt, how!!! ???  well i explain a bit about it right now and later on (:



 When you put it on it will bleep to say its on, you cant really see it but behind me in the picture is a live board, while you workout you can see how well your pushing.

Its not just to use while at the gym, if you download the app, you can use it on the go (:
so once you have done a session, you will get a email letting you know your results, or you can sign into the website to check there as well.

As you can see from the picture above this was the results of using the belt for the first time, i did a bit of cardio but mostly the session was using weights.

you will find that your overall effort is not something to really worry about unless your doing a lot of cardio, Its common sense that if your not running that your average will be low.

while you workout you will see your percentage go up and down depending how hard your pushing, they are even  colored sections to show you, for example red being between 90 percent and 100, yellow being between 80-90 and so on.

So as well as working out, there are often challenges on the wall each month with the winner getting a prize (:

The gym had just got a new set of equipment called watt bikes, and the challenge of the month was who could get the fastest speed in just 6 seconds,

I challenged my friend to it who aced it while i was struggling to get my feet to stay in the pedals and did not do great.

I do not have a picture of me doing the challenge so here is a picture of my friend working out from around 5 months a go.


I have a annoying habit that i love taking photos, even of myself but if someone else wants to take my picture i get all shy and try to escape haha, i never know how to pose, yet i am such a poser when taking pictures of myself, odd that isn't it (:



I noticed a post that the gym had posted on social media about a Watt bike class as every week they have different classes on, from doing workouts with weights, circuits and much more.

A lovely happy bunch after one of the classes (:


The session was based using the belt to track what zone you had to be in, so in a 30 Minute session on a selected workout you would be given around 2-3 minutes to warm up on the bike, and then aiming to hit the yellow and red sections, each workout session being different as some can be your in the red for 2 minutes, then yellow, now to black which is slow down and recover and then back up to yellow etc.
The first few times of using the bikes i hated, i was struggling to hit the red zone, i would leave before the session had ended due to the seat hurting my bum haha.
as with most things, you just have to wear it in and get used to it, and soon became addicted to going on even more watt bikes classes.

One day while i was working out by myself i noticed England's finest photography taking photos of the gym, and i have to say came out with incredible results as seen above
so a few weeks later i had a chat with Helen as i wanted to take some of my own, this was good timing as they was about to create leaflets with a limited time offer of a discounted price to join.

Helen took most of the pictures and then i edited them, and i love how this photo turned out, which looked even better when it was on the leaflet (:

This was the result of the first time i did just the watt bike and nothing else my stats were not great but hey what do you expect when your not used to it haha


Another issue i had which was funny at the time was the using the dip assist Machine


as seen in the picture you have a seat where you grab onto the handles above put your knees on the seat, and use your body to push down and back to the top,
I believe with this machine the weights are reversed so the lower the weight the more it adds on (;
It was on 60 and i kept getting stuck at the bottom not being able to have the strength to push back up.
It caused a lot of pain, because i could not use it, i gave up trying.
That was until months of pushing my weights up i decided to give it another go and did it with easy and now i push with the weight sometimes at 45-50 (:

Before i carry on, toward the end of the post i will be showing you a comparison of what my weights were when i first started using machines to what i can push now (:

Now that i was used to pushing my own weight, i decided to take on another of the gyms monthly challenges

https://www.facebook.com/FeelgoodGrantham/videos/10155137804165569/ 

This was called hang tough, and yes as you can see from the video link above,if you copy that into your web browser you can see me and other in action (:  i still was using gloves at that point as the more weight i was lifting the more it would hurt my hands.

I did not do to bad but again first time doing it and its more a brain game then anything, trying to push your pain barrier up to keep hanging on !!!


The winner got some fitness scales as seen in the picture above as no i dont believe it was the staff that won them haha this picture was mainly a post advertising the challenge.

Again i had to have another week off  training as this time i had recently Joined Grantham Running club, and with doing tennis, running and gym, i had pulled something all done one leg.
The harder you train you will always have that risk factor as well, like a few days a go on twitter it was mentioning about Andy Murray having to take time off to rest, we all do it our body can not survive everything we throw at it !!!

My Favorite saying is what breaks us only makes us stronger and time after time i prove that with beating targets.



I think around July time I decided to come up with a silly rap song as i love making music, about its all about that fitness and the protein (:
When you walk into the gym they have a wonderful display of proteins, shakes, protein bars in all kinds of very yummy flavors. I think the whole time i have been at the gym, i have only brought one thing, whoops !!! For me i do eat to much junk food and chocolate, what can i say i have a extreme case of a sweet tooth (:
I can lift a fair bit of weight but i know if i sorted my diet out and had more protein in my system that i would be able to recover faster and build more muscle but hey that is just me haha.
I dont go to get a six pack or get ripped as the saying goes, but just so i can have more strength and become faster, which as i carry on writing you will see that !!!

Thanks to everyone helping me gain more confidence i was now starting to create some kind of routine to my week to fit everything in, this meant  some days i trained by myself.

I am now able to push more weight on my own then when i first started but i am still unable to push as hard as when i am training with my friends, its amazing how much more weight or even more reps you can push when you have a spotter but more importantly someone that knows you can push more with that little encouragement (:

Speaking of friends, in the last few months i have managed to make even more a lovely chap by the name of Adam who can be cruel to be kind, again doing different workouts to what lee was doing.
like with everything in life we all train in different ways and its nice to mix things up every now and then event if your friends are trying to kill you haha.
when going to the gym, its now a whole different experience i have trained with a few different people, but more then training its creating those awesome bonds that when you open the door to enter the gym, people want to chat to you, which is the best feeling in the world !!!

Its the fun memories that you cherish the most, and these next ones will never be forgotten !!!

Thats right its challenge time once again, this time being how fast can you get to 500 meters with the rowing machine, competition only fuels my desire to do well so of course i challenged my friend again (:

Its show you have a good connection with the staff when only the one and only Helen wanted to also join in, and well i think she did not expect me and lee to push so hard, i think the picture speaks how she felt at the end haha !!!
if you would like to see a small clip of us in action then copy this link (:
https://www.instagram.com/p/BWIqq1CBx_b/?taken-by=granthamfeelgood

If you think the good times stop there you will be mistaken !!!!
as it was time for round 2 to aim to beat lee with him again being faster then me even though he says he hates the rowing, seem to do a pretty fast pace lee !!!!!
what happened in round 2 got me and Kinga laughing so much, she was keeping track of time and well keep tracking off lee from taking off into space (:
as soon as we started his machine was moving so much, what did you eat that day buddy (: so poor kinga how to hold the bottom of it to keep it still and even then it was moving.
I could not stop laughing and watching what was going off that i completely fell off mine
I had one leg on the seat my body all lob sided and could not move, i felt so embarrassed, i just laughed my socks off, got back on and we all rest and restarted, yet again it started moving, and i just did not have the patience to focus on my own machine because of still gigging, that is how you create memories !!!!!

Continuing  on what makes a gym more then a gym is the nice surprises staff give to each other.
It was Kinga's  Birthday and while being there to train, Helen and other staff was hiding a cake and getting things ready, music went off, happy birthday song came on and out came the most yummy and cool cake i have ever seen, its just nice to see that the staff look after each other in style (:

Getting back to the weights, and slowly coming to a end of this blog as i could write and write just so many good times and memories (:

Training with Adam one day and man did i feel it the next day, one of the workouts was to lift out a high weight and then without no rest, keeping dropping the weights down and down.

You would think well that sounds easy as your lifting a lot less, if you think its easy your doing something wrong haha.

I can not really explain what it does to your body, but suddenly because you done lets say 10 reps at a high weight you have given everything you got, and although the first 3-4 reps of the low weight may be so easy, you then suddenly get a lot of pain and just can not push its madness !!!

Now we are in the last few weeks of August i knew i wanted to write this post but to also have awesome pictures of me working out to show, but also again to create memories

I do not know if its mainly a male trait but whenever there is a need to showcase what i can do i push even harder so it can show in the pictures haha, i got the lovely Adam and lee to take pictures with my camera and then i went through and edited them, and i am over the moon how they turned out (:

Here is a few pictures of my friends since they was helping out i wanted to catch them hard at work (:



Both of my friends also push each other, and i egg them on as well its just a bit of fun to make it hurt a lot less !!!

 

 As i was pushing so hard with everything i again pulled something on my arm, so i went into the gym after playing tennis to have a word with Sam, who is a personal trainer, but works on physical therapy, often creating videos on tips how to help ease pain on areas, he also helps with dieting as well. he showed me some different stretches with a kind of band thing to work on pulling the top of my chest and my shoulders so what ever the pain was it would help it go away (:



It shows how much more i can keep going when i beat record after record every week in the watt bike class

As i mentioned way above yes this post has been that long i am so sorry lol, i like to aim to always improve, the week before September started i managed to reach a peak heart rate of 188 and reached 100 percent in the zone for the first time ever.
On 6th September it was my birthday i chose to spend it doing what i loved which was playing tennis, i really enjoyed myself, had a nice rest and a meal and then off it was for the watt bike class.

As i was waiting to start the class i knew kinga was up to something by the way she acted and talked haha, no one can ever surprise me when it comes to giving me something, ok they might surprise me with what it is but i also know when something is going off (:

I was given a paper with me using the watt bikes, with happy birthday from the team !!!
to some that may seem small but its the little things that you often appreciate more and of course i loved it, the surprises did not stop there though.

One of things i love while i am at the gym and even more say when doing the classes is the killer selection of music, because i love making music and listen to it way to much, it always puts me in the mood and i always achieve higher results working out to music !!!
so when a killer remix of a dance version of happy birthday comes on and Kinga mentioned it was my birthday i tried to hide the blushing haha and just felt even more pumped.

 

yes you are seeing that right 190 heart rate !!!!!!!  i was on fire i loved the class so much i only went and booked to go again the next day as well, i not only reached 190 again but 2 times and 100 percent 3 times, although after ever class it takes nearly half a hour for the adrenaline in my system to go, which often leaves me feeling dizzy and hardly talking but that is what happens when you have the drive to keep pushing and wanting to aim higher and higher.
Kinga is tough on me just like my friends but its the right kind of tough, with working out, the battle is mostly in your brain, your body is so strong and until you get your mind on the same track you will never be able to get results, so because of them its how i have managed to change my life in just the space of a year !!!!! its madness how fast it goes but how much you grow as a person in confidence without even knowing it.

  

This machine oh boy its called a peck deck you can do many different things on it and it really pulls on your shoulders, another one i hated when first using it but now i challenge myself to put the weight up again and again (:

Oh gosh i suppose i better wrap things up, with the biggest thank you in the world to everyone at the gym, who has helped me, people say Grantham is a rubbish place, i say it may be small but it has the nicest people in the world and its because of that why my life is just that great !!!
Even though i was super active when i left school, i was never strong, now i am even more active then i was then and i have the strength to match !!!!!

It may not be a 24 hour gym like a lot of gyms now days but it does not need to be, i feel the bigger a company tries to be or have tons of outlets in different places to me it loses what matters which is the experience of making friends and having a blast while getting stronger !!!!

I hope this blog understands that results will not come straight away but find the right gym, the right people and a willingness to do great and your at a winner (:
Below will be a list of where i started on different weights to where i am now i will not be putting everything down because there a lot to list, this then will be followed by social links to the gym, and others bit, again thank you for reading !!!!!!

• Bicep curl started on 10kg can push to 60 on my own and 90kg with friends
• plate loaded shoulder  press started recently and can do 15kg
• seated row started on 15kg can now do 60 on my own and when pushed can reach 105kg
• chest press started on 15kg on own can do 45kg and when pushed do 60kg
• cable machine started on no weight due to my arms not keeping straight and now can do 20kg i only do this with someone is there
•  max rack, shrugs started on 5kg now can do 20kg, i do not use the max rack on my own.
• max rack swats started on nothing, now can do 15kg  
• lat pulled down was the thing that ripped my hands, now i do not even use my gloves for anything and can lift 60kg on my own, when pushed 90kg
• seated leg press started on 75 on my own and when pushed can do 155
• leg extensions hurt a lot, started on 30kg and now push 90kg on my own, when pushed 120kg
• dumbbells doing what i call a eagle stretching your arms out and back, started on 2.5kg on my own can do 7.5kg and when pushed 10kg 
• plate loaded lap down can do 40kg with mates as started recently

As you can see my weights have increased a lot and that is not even the full list of the workouts i do.

Feel good Fitness Social Links !!!
https://www.facebook.com/FeelgoodGrantham/
https://www.instagram.com/granthamfeelgood/



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