Rutland Water Park Running Photography Adventure !!! & More | Daniel Marshall Adventures

On Saturday 15th July 2017 was one of my best days both physically and mentally.

Earlier in the week i Had noticed a post by one of my friends on Facebook, asking support Sharon said i want to help in some small way to support the great work that Charities like Breast Cancer care do in supporting women and their families through Breast Cancer.
If you want to find out how you can help then i will leave the link at the end of this post (:

I could not afford to pitch in but instead wanted to run and support Sharon, for a good cause.
Sharon has mentioned the run was a park run at Rutland Water, a place i always wanted to go and capture photography.
I had done 6 Park run at Belton house but i had never been to Rutland water so i was really looking forward to it.

The place is about 25-30 minutes drive from Grantham, and I only knew a few days after that it was not Lincolnshire but in the boundary of Leicester.
Its amazing how 25-30 a different way can lead to a location still in Lincolnshire, but another be somewhere else.

Even to Nottingham it takes 45 plus to get there so this really shocked me.
I had to wake up at 6.45am as i always need a hour to try and wake myself up before doing anything.

Of course I was going to bring my camera with me as it might have only been a once in a lifetime thing.




As we got there i was stunned to see how big the place was someone said to run all around the place would be around 27 miles !!!!!

Stunning views of water that seem to go as far as the eye could see, beautiful Scenery and Buildings were in sight.

as we hanged around for a few friends from The running club, and a few of Sharon's friends, i became a explorer, and started quickly getting snaps of things that was around.

as we started to head down i noticed this amazing Restaurant with a stunning view in the background and i love how its turned out, I had no time to really take any of my shots, camera was just set on the best setting and quickly took as many shots as i could.




The start of the park run was a over 5 minutes walk, thinking it was near i kept taking my camera out as you could see for miles and even if i only managed to get a few shots of the day, its better then getting none.

It was time to focus on The park run, with hardly any warm up because of using the camera i tried my best to get my muscles relaxed.
My friend said to one of her friends would it be ok to pace me.
Meaning someone to run with who is around your level, to control how fast your going, as in a pack of 200 people you can get really lost how fast your running, thinking your at the right pace when you arent.



I didnt set myself up to get a Personal best, knowing that i was tired, i had not done any runs in a week, even though i had been playing tennis load and doing cardio i did lack run form.
As long as i finished the run with it being my first time at this location then i would be happy.

After around 10mins, i was feeling great at a good pace, as we approached i believe was some kind of bridge across the water.
the course was 2.5k there you turn around at a pole and do the same distance back, so while on the bridge you could see the really fast runners who get a time off just over 16mins running back.
This did not bother me because i felt so relaxed, calm and honestly it was like a out of body experience.
I had the soft gentle wind from the sea coming across my face, even though it was 17 degrees, it was not hot or cold, it was perfection.
One thing i hate is running in anything over 20 degrees.
My run performance  fluctuates overall anyway but in the heat i barley manage to do 3k, i get massive pains and feel like passing out, and although i struggle in the same heat while playing tennis somehow i can manage 4 hours in that heat its madness lol.

All i could think about while going across the bridge was just wow i so wish i had my camera on me right now !!!

as the second half of the course came into play i started to up my pace, still matching my pacer.
A marker came up which was 4k, only 1k left, the chap said to me you can stick with me or go ahead if you want, well this is me your talking about, of course i went for it.
Pain started to hit my chest, and my legs, i could hardly breathe and yet i felt like the flash, i was only getting faster and faster.
after only 500 meters i was like where is the bloody finish, i was about to give up, but something inside of me just wanted to keep pushing it.

Every part of me now hurt so much, and yet the will to do good kept me going, and to me my shock, i not only finished the run, not only beat my pacer, but was only 6 seconds !!!! off my personal best at Belton park run a location i had already done 6 runs at.
Not bad to say i had no idea what the course was like how to pace myself, and my first time being at that location,

So why did i manage to do i would say even better then my normal place of running ???

At belton its a 2 lap race, so when your seeing the course in front of you from the start, your brain plays tricks, seeing the course in front of you, and thinking i need to be this pace on lap 1 for me i struggle with.
Belton has nearly double the amount of people running nearly 400, so again when your all starting and you think your at a ok pace you get lost wanting to play catch up when in fact your burning yourself up on lap 1 and having nothing left on lap 2.
At belton, it has a lot of very uneven bumps, slopes, gravel  grass mud etc, which can make your feet very heavy.

where at Rutland Water because its mostly ran on a path, not hurting your feet, you have the wonderful views to take your mind off things, and to me its the best location i have seen so far for a run.

Talks are being made at the moment about doing a Peterborough park run in a few weeks time, which i hope can go ahead, another chance to test another course out and bring my camera with me (:

Everyone who ran at Rutland who came to support Sharon all got PB's inc Sharon, we was all very happy and took some group photos (:

I got Sharon to take one of me, which i love so much, and i managed to take a bit more time capturing some more photography before heading home.



I was in a super happy mood, but also very tired I said on the way back home, i wont be going to play tennis today, no way, i got back, and got a bite to eat, excited to edit the photos.

I am not sure if it was my positive mood or the fact that i had eaten or both, but around 12 o,clock i said to myself right i will go play tennis.

Social started at 2pm, and i wanted to get a bit of warm up practice in before hand, so i made sure to get there with about 45mins to spare.

I honestly felt like i was on a sugar rush even though i wasnt as i had boundless energy.
A little to much as i was making silly mistakes rushing into some of the shots due to being so happy lol.

I managed to control it a little as i went into the matches.
I have explained this before but for anyone who has not read my other blogs ill explain it a little.
At Grantham Tennis club you have social events, most times in the week.
The idea is the events are 2 hours long, you all right your name down on a sheet of paper, and tick the slots you want to play, so if you only want to play for a hour you tick 2 boxes out of 4 etc.
You play 4 half a hour matches, with different people, mostly doubles and some single matches.

A great chance to banter with people, play with people at different skill levels and learn from them while playing tennis.

I was playing so good, trying shots i have never done before again all because i was just so happy, which made me more happy when some epic moments happened in those games.

the last 10mins of the last match, my body just gave up, and had to end the match early i was still happy but i had clearly pushed my body to the edge and it had enough (:

So i had one of the most happiest days in my life full of adventure and fun !!!!
I could honestly say that i could spend all day at Rutland Water just walking around the massive 27 mile place, exploring and taking photos, i just wish you could access it better by public transport but i will one day go there again, even if its for another park run (:

I was going to add extra things to this blog about the amazing fun days i have had over the last few days but i think this is enough for one post !!!

If you are a park runner, please let me know your location you like the most (:
if you want to help raise funds for Breast cancer then please check this link below
https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/shazbo5k

if you want to follow me on social media to see more photography, what i get up to in life, and follow my adventures then please do with the links below (: and thank you for reading

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The moments that defined the person i am today | DanielMarshallAdventures

So as many of you know by know after writing over 50 Blog posts i am a very open person, i talk about a lot of things, i share onto my personal life where businesses i have networked with, and others can see the real me.
Not caring what impact it might have on that side of life because if i can not be who i am then i do not see the point in even trying to do the things i love.

To me this a special post and will be the most open post so far and its also a very important month in my life, that started the change last year to the person i am.
So in this post i am going to let you know the moments that defined my life, the problems i had to overcome, and bits of my life you never know before today.

I suppose to start where it all began, is when i was around 3, from the earliest i can remember.
From that age till i was 18 i had to put up with a abusive dad who would not only be emotional abuse but very physical as well.
Police got involved so many times but choose not to do anything.

My Dad was obsessed with the fact he had something wrong with him, and would often spend days shouting, at my mum, saying i am going to die, the doctors wont listen, they wont help, they think, i am a physco, which would then often lead to my mum being beaten up, my dad smashing the place, and lots of shouting and me having to sit on the top of the landing listening to make sure my mum was ok, to rush down, to save her.

I remember one day, when i was young, it was one of the worst weather days i had ever seen, and just bolted it down with thick hail most of the day.
My dad had made himself so ill, with his own stupidness  that we had to go down and see him.

We walked a hour in the bad weather, for my dad to cry and moan, and when he did not get his own way he shouted for us to go.

Later that evening they had let him go, and well when he came back decided to smash the place.

Christmas was a day that was never enjoyed, and around 3 times i think it was, he would go crazy and tear everything up, he hated Christmas that much.
Just when you think he had calmed down the next day, where we would have a boxing day, platter of meats etc, he would start with the smashing again.

Some years we went to aunties to stay the night it got that bad, for him to then call round the next day and start on them for us being there.

Over the years things only got worse, i was shouted at and called stupid because i could not tie laces, even when i was 16 saying at his age he should f.... be able to.
Yeah hardly going to have the confidence to be able to when i am always put down.
which only the last year i have found out that its not my fault i can not tie which ill explain later.

Around the start of primary school, i had massive toilet problems which i was made fun of, calls names etc, and was heavily  bullied for, which the bullying only got worse, because word got out about my dads shouting etc.

I was put on so many different tablets and horrible tasting stuff i had to take.
I had took this for over 10 years, and was in so much pain, to only find out that it was stress that was causing it, and I managed to partly move away from it, when i was 18 and since then i no longer have those problems (:

With everything that was going off in my life, i became very depressed, often crying, and running away from home about 5 times ):

My schools never bothered to get any help for me, and my mum even though she was suffering never did anything about it either.

This then led to getting inanity as well with all the bullying that i had in my life, i find it hard to talk to people, i would be scared all the time, and would get panic attacks.

I tried to get myself a girlfriend, but had many conflicting feelings of wanting to be with someone to get rid of the pain but at the same time pushing them away because of not wanting that person to hear and see what went on in my life.

I was born in Nottingham, and i took my Girlfriend one day to wollation hall, my mum had rang up in the day, and all you could hear was my dad shouting.
I fell to pieces crying, and even my Girlfriend could hear the convo.

I did not want to go home, my girlfriend did not know what to do, and after hours the police was called, as i had no where else to go, but i did not want to go home.
They let me know they could not force me to go home due to being 18 and having my own life choices now.
I had no choice and had to go back.
Problem was that everytime the police had to visit my dad, it only made him worse as soon as they went he would shout saying how dare you bring the pigs into it again.

Months later i snapped and had enough, one day when things were going off again i dragged my mum outside and said im sorry ive had enough this has to end, called the police and got my dad out of the house for a few days.
We got some things that we could carry, and went to a homeless shelter.
after a year of moving to 3 different temporary accommodation, we finally got a permanent place.

The first few months was great and i finally could focus in life,
I had been talking to a girl for a few months online and from there we became Together.

Weather something in my mum changed, or she did not like my choice of a girlfriend, but she started to be very demanding, shouting, and it was like having my dad back.

My depression came back, and again i found it hard to talk to people other then my girlfriend.
at the time i had just finished college and was on job seekers looking for a job, i was paying 20 pound board and was told if i wanted to buy treats that i had to with my own money,
I had a phone contract on the go, plus i had paid for broadband, which we both used.
I left her note one weekend as she was at work, and i was heading off to spend the weekend with my ex.
and that i could not afford some of the board this week, due to wanting to spend money doing things with my girlfriend, who i was trying to build a life with.
Its not like i said i was not paying it, so instead of understanding, she sent me a nasty text saying how dare you do, i want you out.

After hours of arguing, i had to travel back to nottingham, to collect my things, to then travel back to Grantham, to spend the week at my exs parents house.
Which then after going to the council to explain my situation i was told i could not be put on any form of list that i had to of at least lived in Grantham for 3 months.

So back to Nottingham again to beg to put in a homeless shelter.
After a few weeks i managed to find a shared house.

As you can imagine they not only took a tole on me but being with my girlfriend as well, i want not myself, i could not think right yet only, think about spending time with her.
she would come over at the weekend, but most of the time, to only hear shouting and fighting that a couple was doing in the shared house.
I had moved away from that experience to be back where i started.

We almost split up but we powered through it, and a year later, i found myself a shared house in Grantham.

Things started to get much better, i was eating a lot better, as i was thin as a rake due to not having much money having to spend it, seeing my ex, and although i could see my ex at the weekends, it was the first time i had to depend on myself, which i was struggling with.

Back then because i was 25 job seekers was only 55 pounds a week.
after 6 months of being in Grantham, the person who owned the house was selling to move to another location.
we was put in the situation of me finding another shared house, or moving into with each other.
we managed to get a place, and it was like trouble just had to follow us.
This time, loud music out 2am, banging and much more from the places below us as we was renting a place with 2 other rooms in the house.

On top of all that, i was struggling getting used to having so much time with each other.
Since all my life was stuck in a room, gaming to distract me from my parents i got used to that alone feeling.
the first few months were hard on each both, but at time went by we got used to being with each other and i learned to open up to her.

I got myself a job, but was still no good, at talking to people, i also was struggling at every job i had.
we moved into somewhere better, and again things were looking up.

the last 2 years of us being together was not great, her parents decided it was a good idea that everytime i did something wrong or lost a job, to have a right go at me.
Which i understood there reasons for it due to wanting their daughter to have financial backing, to afford things in life and to keep the place we was living in.

But it was like they was trying to be my parents and i hated that, and even to start with i had to have a go at my girlfriend, for having a go at me as well about it, instead of talking to me why i lost the job.

Eventually she started listening and backing me up as well.

Even though i was happy with her, most days something just did not feel right.
most days i needed to feel secure, and would often get bored and lonely, and not feel right when she was off to work, and i had the place to myself for 6 hours.

It was like even if we was not doing anything together, eg watching tv etc. just her being in the house make me feel more at ease.

I never saw help for this and my girlfriend never really noticed it enough to tell me to get help.
I think, the reason i craved to feel at ease was from everything that had happen to me in the past.
then the day came i did the most stupid thing ever.

I was sick of us arguing over such stupid things but also not wanting the neighbours to hear and for us to get kicked out.
the last 2 years we was together we just aruged a lot, of many different things, and i could feel inside not wanting to become my dad but i could not control, aruging back some things were might fault and some hers thats what arugements are like.

there were weekends where she would see her family who only lived 25mins walk, and already saw them a lot, and i wanted to spend time with her or we had planned something for her, which instead became us going over to theres.
do not get me wrong most of the times i liked going over to her paretns but it was the point that we had planned stuff and it was like that did not matter.

I cant remember what it was about, all i can remember is one day while she was at work, she was talking to someone about something, on facebook, on the computer, which we often shared the computer and left our facebooks open, as we trusted each other.  and not remembering what is was about, so much has gone off in my life its hard to remember everything.
I had enough of the lies,  she texted me saying she left her keys at home so could i let her in when she texted coming back.

I took my keys and went out. i was upset and not thinking, said some mean things by text and asked to meet in a public place to talk. which clearly saying mean things before meeting up is not a good idea.

She decided weather she had enough of me, but instead of ringing me or meeting me to ring her parents.
I managed to get through to her a hour later, and she said i am with my paretns and i want you to come back to give me my keys.
I also said i would only if her paretns was not going to be around knowing how much they like to show their authoirty.

After a hour of aruging of her saying they would be involved, she got the police involved, and they wanted me out after pulling that stupid move.

Which to some understanding i knew that was the right choice.
things was not exactly going right with us anyway, so maybe this was the right thing to do.

Although i had no where to go, no money, no friends, and my family wanted nothing to do with me, and i did not really want nothing to do with them.

My ex still had feelings for me and so did i, i hardly ate, my depression came back even worser then when i had to deal with crap from my dad.
my brain was a mess and i was not thinking at all, all it could think about was being back with her.
we tired to make things work, but not ended up aruging again, and me saying email after email, being a wreck saying sorry, and a hell of a lot more.

Her paretns was not happy and again got the police involved, i was given my first caution.
I had manged to get into supported housing, and well as i explained before in a time where i needed the help, to snap out of my stupid brain i could not get the help till it was to late.
In those following months, even though i could end up in jail, and was told off by so many people to stop, i could not stop wanting to contact her and so sorry.

I just wanted to take back what i had done, and to explain myself to her face.
I let my life slide away, not wanting to do anything because nothing mattered.

I learned however that all the times i lost my job, and all the times i was shouted at for no reason, because i could not do something was because, i lacked hand coordination.
I also suffered from not being dumb, knowing how to do something like tie laces, but my hands getting all confused and not being able to do it.

This time it was the first time of being alone, where i had this similar issue in nottingham, at least i had my ex to talk to and be around.
This time i had no one and was going getting worse by getting a second caution.

My support worker, got to know me and what i liked doing, which was making videos, and said why dont you see if you could make a business out of it.

I went to lincoln on a course to learn about starting up your own business.
I poured everything i could into it, just to distract my brain from thinking of her.
it seemed to start working, i was going on networking events and working on my business plan.

Now i do not care if my ex decides in rest of the write up to report me, tell her friends about me etc, and try to get her parents involved more, because, i have turned my life around which you will get to find out later on in this post.
I have also learned in life to be strong, be smart, my ex could aruge the fact that i have written this and its targeting her, expect i have not mentioned her name in any of my posts i do.
its a free world and i am allowed to explain how i feel about events that went off in my life.
and as you read more you will understand (:

The next moments really defined my life, to what it is now and was the turning point to get my life back on track.

I use social media a lot because as a growing business that is what you need to use to get your content out there.

all what i am about to say i have screen shot everything and the police know about it, and well as many people (:

I put a picture of me at a networking event on twitter, i got a email through saying my ex had liked the tweet,
now for someone who got the police invovled twice to make me stay away, seemed a bit odd.
Maybe it was a miss hit, the question in the first place was why was she even checking my twitter, because she had already moved on with another guy?

few days later another email, my ex liked something else i posted, miss click one let off miss click twice now something is up.

I fell into her stupid sick game, weather it was her plan, her bfs, or her parents who knows but i decided to send over 10 emails, asking what the hell is going off, and me being silly me wanting to be with her again.

she never replied to them, when a few days later, her mum who has twitter, liked something i put on twitter.

few days later i gets a knock on the door, and arrested for contacting her, her plan worked.
I got a court date a month later, and i just kept getting my head down trying to start my business up.
I got prank calls cause i had a landline number up on my website for people to contact me, Police tracked and noted it down, i did not want to take action, i did not want things starting again in my life, after trying to tear away from it.
The court date came and went, and although i explained about the contact on twitter, because my actions in the first place was way more then what she had done and because she did not reply to emails, it looked like she did nothing wrong.
I accpeted what i did, because even to this day i should not have kept doing what i was and got hit with a fine, and 12 months where i could not contact her, show up at her work etc.
Some people may and even my ex may think that i should of gone to jail, maybe i was willing to accept any charge.

I knew i was given a second chance at life, and that if i was stupid enough to go down the path of contacting her again this time it would be jail.
something had to change in my life, so i looked at my fitness, looked at my life and started down the path of leading my own life, for the first time.
I took part in a tennis scheme, tennis being something i loved playing, but my fitness level were very poor and also i never played tennis to learn how to, just something i use to hit the ball any how with my ex.
Now i do not know what my ex was thinking, weather she hated me that much, because she did not get the result she wanted from the court, but i think if someone is took to court for harrsement then, if that other person does something which is not right they should get in trouble to.
My ex thought it was a grand funny thing, to put up a tweet with a attchement to the local journal about which mentioned people that had been to the court in lincoln.
Saying that she was finally happy to get the closure she needed.
I did not see this but rather heard it from someone else, in my terms of court order it was not to also stork her on social media, which again i did not but when you can not live your life because of fear of just that being targeted then what else are you supposed to do.
Should i have reported it yes, but again i just could not put up with the hassle, and it being took to court.

Numerous times before court she had put on twitter that she just wish people would move on,
and yet for someone who has clearly moved on and with someone else, i honestly think deep down even if its hate for me, she still feels the need to somehow be a part of my life.

Moving on, I started to go out for walks something i really struggled with since being with her, due to my own body, even though we did some sport, after looking back at my life, i realised that i stopped doing sport and let my fitness go because i wanted to spend so much time with her and never really focus on what i wanted to do in life, that and gaming took over my life as well (:

I loved the adventures we went on but also struggled with long day outs and countryside walks.

Something i was kind to improve on now i was on my own.
around this time i got funding, to start up my own business, brought equipment, and started networking and working on tester videos.
I also tried to get out of the house, to not let my depression win and learn how to do photography.

as you can see i had no idea how to do it back then and my shots were awful.


I got my head down on my computer most days, learning how to do motion graphics, just learning.
The trouble was the more i started to learn the more i lost the enjoyment of making videos and even photography,
it made me feel worse and would send my depression out of control.
I would get frusated at myself because i had it planned in my head how i wanted a video to go, for x business but lack the confidence, and the time sitting all day trying to edit the video.
spending days watching Youtube Videos how to create something that was only a few seconds long but would make a huge difference in the quality of videos.

After having many meetings with advisers i decided to put the business on hold, to not only try and still get the help i need with my mental health but to learn even more.

I got myself to a gym, and started really pushing, as i was sick of how weak i was, connected with a fellow person who also went to the same gym and just all my emotions into it.

My photography was improving, and i loved networking with people, when someone i did not expect to happen to not only Grantham but Lincolnshire was closures of A & E Turning 24 hours, to a lot less hours and on the threat to this day of being closed.

This day was one of many turning points in my life.
I wanted to help out the only way i could think of which was to film it and take photos.

I got a overwhelming support from the community, and even though my photography was improving i still say for the time my photos was not that good.

I slowly started to open myself up more talking about my issues, which tied in really to what was going off, as it was more then just Hospital closures but cuts being made to the NHS services like the mental health etc.

I opened up to the people that i was helping with my work, and they understood and talk to me when i do feel down, and understand me way better then the mental health team and doctors.

Although around this time of trying to make friends, i had some people i started to get to know that i had to block because, they know of my ex, and i also knew from the way our convos went that, my ex has been saying stuff about what happended and also warning them off me.
my ex really did not want me to turn my life around at all.
so i toughen up and thought i would rather have no friends, then talk to people who do not understand me and i know dont care, or there just to mess me about.
2017 hit and its been a amazing year so far.

I went to cover more events, with photography and videos, i started networking with more people, and more and more i was surrounding myself with people who were there for me,

The more i opened up the more happyier i felt and the more, please understood about some of my issues.

I continuously got my head down and poured everything i had, my depression kept fighting back even harder, and days where i would fall about over nothing, and days where i knew why i was feeling the way i did and that trying to move on, but struggling to cope and thinking of the past.

as i have mentioned before i am a dabbler and i think because i never really opened myself up for trying new things in the past, this year was going to be different, i learned about social media marketing, i started writing blogs to go with photography and videos i was doing.
Posts like the NHS Marches, Businesses that i had networked with, and explaning why that business was good, taking photography and really wanting to help lincolnshire grow.

Life was finally making sense to me, I joined a running club because as well as wanting to get stronger, i wanted to work on my stamina, meeting new people and being a part of the community.

My photography is something that only keeps improving and is where it is helping the community the most and where i find myself the most confident and can network with people.
Ok i am not running a business like i wanted but i used my experience to do it as a hobby, while still having business elements to it, so one day when i am ready to take that adventure i have already bulit myself something amazing to go and continue with.

I was never the brightest of sparks, but because i was forced into being on my own, by my own actions, i learned to grow up, i learned to pay more attention to what goes off in the world.
and in my eyes which i will never change my mind on this, in some messed up way, i needed to go to court, and i need that puinshment so it finally drilled some god dam sense into me, and to force me out of my sprialling circle i was in.

I have done things i never would of dreamed off because i keep on fighting and pushing, to be better and better.
my confidence comes from wanting to be heard, and wanting to prove to my past, all my past that i am here to stay and that i can do great things !!!!

sometimes in order to discover who you are and what you are supposed to do in life you must first, go from having nearly everything in life to having nothing and having to build it back up.
That is what has happen, in my new life, i have true friends, not friends i hanged out with for the sake of it because i had no one else.
I have more drive, more fitness then i ever have done in life,
Ive been on the radio twice and planning right now with someone on a third one.
I have been in the journal not for something bad this time but for mutiple good things i have done.
I fight because i want to, because i need to if i want to prove to myself and my past that i have learned to adapt to my problems and embrace them,

I learned to be smarted, and record everything that may seem like a attack, like blog posts that have been tracked to Grantham, one of my posts about if i had a million pounds what would i do.
comments like i would pay 1 million people a pound to smash your teeth in, to comments from the same person replying to themselfs about buying a fish tank on ebay and someone commenting saying they have one in Grantham and they live on x street, which just made me laugh so much, so thanks for making my day there (:

I used to watch videos with my ex on Youtube about when people get famous how much hate they get.
well i am not famous and do not see myself ever be, but in a way i have turned my life around and well some people.... in Grantham, tracked location, do not want to see me do that or be happy.

I think its sad that there is always 2 sides to story, and yet, when someones from your past, judges you based on what they have heard from others rather then getting to know you, i think its so sad really.

My ex might write a blog post back about what i have said, let her, my ex may try and get people to scare me... guess what let her, and my ex, may try and take me to court, but this time, i have a strong backing because i am learning to turn my life around, i am not perfect and will never be, and i would be lying if i said i have completety turned my life around, because i do still struggle in life and i am no where near getting fixed down to the stupid help i can not get.

I am no longer afarid of what people think of me, and what may happen in my life now that i have posted this blog.
If i can not be open about my problems then i honestly do not see why i would even bother doing anything i do.

Being open is the best feeling in the world, not many people can do it, not because they do not want to but because of fear,... yes fear of us, us humans.
we are our own problems, we judge people we put titles on them and we look down on others, like people with mental health problems are monsters.

Like we have no feelings, i was talking to a few tennis players i get on well with the other week about mental health after having a big melt down.
one person was furious about the support i have not been able to have, having to wait 5 months just to get 3 months of help before having to wait the same amount of time again to get more help.

the person said that, its also how people look at each other, if someone was in a cast, due to a accident then people would make sure they are ok, but if someone is looking down, its we dont want to talk to them, dont want to make ourself feel down or go down to common social standing, be seen with less.

on a positive note mental health is being talked about more and more people are understanding but its still going to be someone, people choose to look down on, all the people can do who suffer is keep proving those who treat us wrong, that we are hear for a reason, that we all have different talents and just because someone may be feeling down does not mean they are useless.
I started to bulid my confidence i know what i am good at and what i am not so good at and just fount ways to cope and work around things.

I was going to write this blog at the end of this month because my 12 months of not contacting her, would be up,
it was going to be a look back blog, but i felt the need to write about it now.
should i have written it after knowing that i could somehow get in trouble still, maybe but again i fear nothing.
to me its also a test, and a way of being the most open i have ever been.
this month is going to be hard for me, because its going to test me so much, and have already had rough sleeping nights of thinking about things.
but lets see, if i get any nasty comments, prank phone calls or anything, that my ex or her friends want to do to see if they can break me (:

one of the things that just proves people wanted to test me was the fact that since i mentioned 4 blog posts back that all comments was being monitored and traced, that i have not had any bad comments since, or 100 comments within a hour of clearly the same person being stupid,

I did some very stupid things in my life, and i was not a good person, am i good person know, yes maybe i dont know, i just keep trying to be me and do what i love.
So what if i may scare some people, and people know about my past and choice to not speak to me, if those people are so low minded then i do not need them in my life (:
maybe i have not been able to find someone else to be with because of my past who knows ??
i just focus on what i wanted to do in life, and things like a girlfriend come second (:

whose to say that i wont ever do anything stupid in my life again ?
all i can do is keep pushing to improve, to hit targets and enjoy the live i have got now !!!
this blog post i have written for 4 hours straight, and it has tired me, more mentally having to bring stuff up, but i will feel more happier with doing so (:

all i want to do in life now, it forget about the past, and keep driving forward, i know i can never be with my ex and that everything happends for a reason i have believed that even since the court case, its why i have the great life i have now, i will have my ups and down, but what breaks us only makes us stronger.
she has bulit a life with her new partner doing the things she wants to do in life, and i have done the same with my life, i am happy for her and will always be just as i am happy with the progress i am making (:

Thank you for reading i let you decide, on what you think of me, just know that given a amount of time, people can start to change, and people have new paths to take, which may or may not lead them into a better life, you just got to embrace it, and see where life takes you.

PS, if sorry for my spelling and grammer i feel it only get worse lol also, sometimes even if you read it all through 2-3 times to make sure it makes sense you end up missing bits of sentences, so if i have started explaining things and not carried on please let me know (:

My Adventures, The Coach To 5k Course with Grantham Running Club !!! | DanielMarshallAdventures

Over the past Few months I have put up a few posts about Grantham Running club, and i mentioned at the start of the Coach to 5k that i would write about the course as a whole as the finish line, so here we go !!!!

12 weeks a go i started the biggest challenge in my life, 12 weeks a go, I was unfit, and very nervous about the challenge ahead.

I had attempted to Join the running club in 2016, only a few weeks after the coach to 5k has ended and at the time Running was something not on my mind, until I looked on google about things to do In Grantham.

Should i have looked the club up sooner, I can honestly say that everything happens for a reason, and that no i should of not, at the time which I will explain later on.

I had only attended 3 run sessions in 2016 when i decided that i was struggling to much and it was not for me.

As 2017 started it was a year that i needed things to change in my life, diet, fitness, strength and a whole bunch of things.

I noticed the club was putting the course back on, and so i attended my first session,
The idea of it being the group met on a Monday and Wednesday for 12 weeks.

Shock and fear took over my emotions when i arrived at the tennis club as around 80 people turned up. The running sessions was held at the Tennis club, this was great to see 2 businesses networking with each other (:


me being well me, I kept myself to myself as i do not cope well in big groups.
The group got split into people wanting to aim to do 10k and 5k,
The 5k group set out, going through  running furrows which is a pubic foot path, on the right a sports field which i think is owned by a school, to the left, a railway bridge, and as you go down the path, you are surrounded by the lovely nature.
This then opens ups to many streets and heading towards manthorpe.
We was told it would be 2 mins of walking and 1 min of running, just to get everyone used to it.

I think we did around 20-25 mins, we make sure before and after every session to always stretch our muscles, as with any form of exercise you do you always need to warm up and cool down.

And as the weeks got going, we extended the time of running, and the 5k group was split into 3 groups, Group A being the group that wanted to do the 5k as a faster pace.

By week 4 we was doing 20mins of running without a break, and i was starting to really struggle with maintaining my pace.
I would have stages of feeling great followed by sharp pains, that for me going at the pace i was i just could not keep it going, it became go full pelt for a minute and cause more pain or just stop.

Stop not being who i am hehe, for the next few weeks as we reached our first 5k distance, the run leaders were helping me by reminding me to slow down and i started to get used to it.

Penny who helped me in 2016 with the running was someone i kept looking up to for inspiration as she was a amazing run leader, pushing us but also having great laughs and helping us reach our goals.

By week 7 we was already going off road, through narrow paths, uphills and seeing the wonderful views of Grantham, as we set off, around Great Gonerby.

I noticed in our Facebook Group that people was talking about going on their first park,run which is global event, helping encouraging people to enjoy running.
In Grantham there is one held at Belton house most weekends.

It is a 2 lap course which is 5k, so i thought with already reaching 5k i would give it a try.

It was not what i expected, with over 300 runners, and you have no idea how to control your pace with so many people around you, you think your going at the right pace until you reach the second lap and then it hits you.



I told myself i never wanted to do a park run again, well i have now done 4 so yeah that happened lol, ill explain more about why i decided to keep going back later on.

I came back after a horrible park run to do the best running since starting at the club, and i was well happy.

Then i suffered my first, minor leg pain, because i do so much physically activities, it took its tole, and only for a week i had to miss running, tennis and gym, to me this felt like longer as i love everything i do, and missing out and being around people just made it worse.

again i came back even stronger as i went on my second park run and managed to get a time of just under 30 minutes.




But that could not of happen if it was not for some of the amazing runners from the group who i got talked to, who kept pushing me, to keep going.
I feel that the i enjoy sport more when i am being competitive i want to always achieving more and more, and although the park run is tough, i still want to keep going to more because i know if i can control my pacing i can do awesome (:

with only 3 weeks left to the end of the course , we all had some surprises and different challenges.
One of which was the club got invited to go to Ropsley

The idea was to run at a different location but then able to all get together to have a BBQ !!!



The Pub may not be much from the outside but it has a wonderful sitting area inside and a big outside space for when its nice in the summer.



We was told there would be 3 routes we could choose to be in, 5k, 6 miles and 10k i think not sure 100 percent on the route mileage.
Anyway i was over hearing the fun, of what the run leaders were discussing about the routes.
Our run leader, had this big map and was being told go down here, turn left do this and that lol
All i can say is i am not surprise we ended up doing over 5 miles instead of 5k, even i would of been confused where we was going from a map and remembering it off by heart hehe (:

This was the toughest run i had ever faced, in blazing heat about 25 degrees, with no shade, and no wind.

Straights that seemed like a mirage that went on forever, massive uphill parts, all of us was really struggling,
Most of our groups set off at their normal pace thinking it would be ok as we was going to do 5k well at one point if we had not turned out some signs we would of done 10 miles lol.





Trust me when i say that from that picture it may look nice but its such a demanding course.
The countryside itself yes is amazing.
I was glad i went for the experience, and the atmosphere of talking to people.
I was to tired to even think about food with not feeling great either because of the sun, some of the runners can do great in the sun and love in but nope not me anything over 20 and i really struggle.

I managed to get a drink and sit down, while everyone was getting food and it was really tempting as there was burgers, sausages chips and much more.





I would like to go again maybe once i know i can run in the heat and that i have got at least 10k under my belt !!!

Which leads me onto my next challenge the coach to 5k and 10k was invited to do one of the running club sessions starting from the normal location of the meres leisure centre in Grantham.
The task was to run Through the canal and see how far you could reach within 20 minutes and then beat it next month.

This was even more important to me then Ropsley as this was my revenge course.
I had run down the canal 2 times before last year when i had joined the club and struggled.
So I needed to know how much progress i had made since then.

Half way through as with some of the run sessions i got a bit of pain but shock it off and was like even if it hurts i am doing this, and in 20mins i managed to reach 3k.

I was drained when our runner leader which was led by penny for the session said come on your running it back !!!!

I was like your kidding right, nope you can do this Daniel and you know what because she kept me talking most of the way and pushing me to keep going, i some how ran faster on the way back.

which meant not only did i get much further then i did last year, but i ran 7k in total !!!!

the first time ever minus the over 5 mile run which i did a lot of stops and walking on.

entering the last week, penny was not letting it off so easy as we ended up doing another 7k run.
This time Through even more narrows paths, more steep hills, and in very tricky hot weather.

Overall with struggling a little i just managed to keep pushing and complete the run, with some great laughs and adventures along the way !!!



Half way through the run our run leader took some amazing pictures that are now wonderful memories of the adventures of the running.




 I think even though i have 2 more pictures to show that i am in, and you would think that the one upcoming would be the one to remember, be more important. i think i love this picture the most because, it was a picture i look ok in lol, but also it was such a wonderful adventure day, Proving that we can all run more then just 5k !!! (:

So the last run of the course was up, and it had already been a hot week, with the last run being around 25 degrees, Taking more off road routes, I really struggled with this run the most, to say a few days before that i ran 7k and i could not even manage 3k, it really surprise you how much the heat can affect your performance.
Although it was another great run, with of course another epic photo of  some of the runners (:



 Onward to the weekend which saw the running club come Together, at the Tennis club once again for the Graduation of the runners taking part in the coach to 5k, and 10k, a epic BBQ and our very own Grantham Running club Shirts !!!!

I turned up wanting to look smart as i feel important events like that you just need to be hehe,
The tennis club staff were at hand, Inc The Manger Sarah Patton who also completed the coach to 5k, so well done for someone who on multiple times said she Didnt want to go hehe, but she did and achieved, showing shes not only a great tennis player, manager but a runner (:

The tennis club also arranged ratchet and balls for the kids that came along with their parents.
on a day where i am dressed not for tennis, and a day to rest and enjoy myself, i could not tear myselt away from Joining in (:
Playing against some of the run leaders and kids, making sure everyone got a go, but also being a little bit competitive wanting to show how good my tennis was haha (:

After a bit of tennis we all went over to the best Hog Roast in the world, stacks of meat, served to everyone, and it tasted epic, is all i can say.


I did not want to be cheeky and ask for more so i only had one lot.
It was not to long before i left everyone chatting and enjoying the food while yes i went to play more tennis ahh me hey what you going to do (:




here is just a selection of runners enjoying their food (:





After a hour we all got called as it was time for our shirts (:
A speech was said which the only thing missing was a mic so we could all hear it properly.
Names were read out, and everyone getting claps for achieving the course.

A bunch of people could not attend due to different reasons, which other people collected on their behalf to give to them at a later date (:

It was time for the group photo, and the thing about things like that is I wouldn't say hate being in photos but i get really shy, i also do not know how to act.
A few people went to hid in the back of the group so i followed but nope the run leader i look up to was not having none of that (:
I got made to be at the front and to be a part of the photo which in the end i am glad i was as i now have something to look back on, instead of being a group photo with me not in it lol.



Overall In my Opinion you just could not meet a more wonderful and caring community in Grantham.
Its amazing to see how much dedication and hard work, the club has put into, Building a community.
How its evolved over the years, and how little it costs to join a club,
Some may say why would i pay just to run with a group of people !!!???

I can tell you now, it will change your life forever being with the running club, sure you could run by yourself, and with headphones in, but being involved in something much bigger, its just such achievement for 24 pounds a year, you get to run on a weekly basis around Grantham, exploring, being a adventurous and outgoing person.

You get to have discounts on Races to compete in, the club also hosts many events across the year, like BBQ, Bowling and much more.
The experience of meeting new people and making friends is its own reward.

I could honestly say that i could not manage what i have done without the club, without the runners in the groups, the run leaders and the fun times.

For 24 pounds a year, you can not find anything in Grantham, for less with such benefits to your health its truly outstanding !!!


I enjoy ever moment that i am now continuing  with the club on my next adventure which is making my way to 10k (:

What breaks us only makes us stronger and at times i really struggled with the running, and i will probably struggle even more, but that is the whole part of the journey no matter what sport or physical activities you do, if you are not willing to push yourself to always achieve better in life then you are not trying hard enough.
Its the same with my tennis and gym, at points i wanted to give up, and heck i almost did, but because i had been open with my issues, and started to build a community around me.
They had my back and helped me snap out of worrying so much.

My next Targets for the running is to not only reach 10k but work on my speed with the park runs and aiming by next year to get myself under the 25 min mark !!!!

So i leave you with a collection of bonus pictures and the advice of  Weather your worried about your health or even running do not be, ok do not jump into trying to do 5k if you have not run much like i did last year, but if a running club near you does the same and has a course to work on getting in shape, and working your way to running more then what are you waiting for get out that door and have the most epic adventure of your life !!!!!!! hehe
This has been my adventure of the last 12 weeks thank you Grantham running Club, and the local community, and thank you readers for reading this very long post (:

Bonus pics !!!!!!!!!!!













Grantham running club Links
https://www.facebook.com/GranthamRunningClub/
https://twitter.com/GranthamRC
http://www.granthamrunningclub.co.uk/

My links

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https://twitter.com/DanielMVlogs

https://www.instagram.com/dmpadventures/

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How my Mental Health has stopped me from doing what i want in life | DanielMarshallAdventures

A week a go i wrote a blog post about the toughest physically week ahead, My plans were to write a blog post about how my photography has improved over the last year, but also another post about how i coped with the week.

Instead of writing how good the week has been instead there are things in my life i need to reflect on and it was not until this challenging week that is has really opened my eyes.

As i blog a lot i will try not to repeat much of what i have talked about considering my mental well being.
At the same time trying to get across what goes on in my life for those people who have not read any other of my posts before.

I have suffered from depression and anxiety most of my life but it was not until the start of 2016 i decided to get help.
When i needed the help at my worst stage i could not even talk about it or even start to feel about for at least 5 months.
I had 12 weeks of counseling, in those sessions i would be digging up my deep past about my parents.
Who i choose to no longer to speak to and its been nearly a year since i have spoken to them.
They are part of the reason why i am the way i am, and why i suffer badly with depression.
A lot of people when you say i never want to see or hear from my parents again, look down on you, like you might not want to be a part of there lives now but you might want to be later in life.
Which well may be true but the way i feel at the moment not caring what they think about me, i am much better off without them, not feeling like a failure not having to look up to them, they never really tried to understand me, and this last year has been a great discovery about myself.
Learning that i do have some problems but also i am great at certain things to.
In the 12 weeks sessions i talked about how i struggle to cook, how i am not dumb i know what to do but my body sometimes does things differently, I talked about the break up with my ex.
I was told different coping methods, and to take each day as it comes.

over the 12 weeks, I started to feel better in myself, but i was still having days of not doing anything, not being able to hardly move, crying thinking of the past, then crying over nothing.
most days i felt so tired so weak, that all i wanted to do was sleep.
After having the sessions i was told that i could not get anymore help for 3 months, which i had to re apply to get the help.

In that time, I tired to snap myself out of my looping life, by going for walks trying to improve my stamina, and learn about photography.
Around this time i had moved into a wonderful shared house, which to me felt perfect and luxury.
The landlords were amazing, and often talked to them about things.
However about a month of feeling settled, my silly brain reverted back to getting into states, I was struggling to sleep, the bed which was like a cloud, felt horrible, and my room everyday felt smaller and smaller.
The reality was i was started to not feel right were i was even though at the same time it was everything that i needed? odd how you can have conflicting emotions like that.

One day i just said to myself right enough of this i need to change something in my life,
so i started playing tennis, started going to the gym, I slowly was also helping my local community.
Around the year of 2016 things were looking a bit better, but i know i still needed help, I put in a self referral form In November and was told in December that at the start of 2017 i could have some more sessions.

I had 5 sessions yes only 5 of Cognitive behavioral therapy.
Which worked on coping methods a bit more, seeing if certain things was the cause of the problems.
For me most of the time there is no trigger why i feel the way i do.
Although the physically activities have made me feel somewhat better, and others it has not, and i still have a lot of days where i fall apart over nothing.

The second to last session, I had enough of not getting the support i needed i poured my heart out telling the chap from the mental health team how i feel.
He told me i can look into weather we can put you into higher care, to see what else we can do for you.
The week after which was my last session i get told i had a word with team and we dont think your at that level where you need the care.

I didnt say this to him but really felt like saying it, which is so god for bid if i have some good days that i sometimes score low on your sheets, and that just because i do not score over 20 on your out of date, scoring that i do not need the help.
The Fact is The mental health services in lincolnshire, have been getting worse and worse every year.
Because i have been helping out with the local community but also learning what is going off the world, i know what is also happening to our NHS.
Which mental health is a part of the funding the NHS get to help people who suffer with issues.
I went to a lincoln last year to watch a county council meeting, and one of the points was talking about the closures and downgrades to mental health services.

The Fact is i do no want to live this way in my life, and when you cant get the help what can you do other then keep trying to fight through it which at times seems impossible.

Most doctors In Lincolnshire do not even understand mental health and there solution to it is to tell you to get over it, that we all have bad days..... oh and here are some anti depressants.

After a year being told back and forth from the doctors and the mental health team that i do not need them, i then get given them, which i stopped taking after 2 weeks.
Main reason was i was finally getting the physical strength i needed to be stronger, and as soon as i started taking them i felt so weak.
I could not lift weights at the gym from when i first started, i was getting massive headaches, i could barely walk, and all the time i felt tired even after getting a good amount of sleep.
So i stopped taking them, Now yes i still feel very low on days but i felt stronger, and better able to cope with not being on them.

Oh i also forgot to mention that the doctor who gave me tablets was a different doctors, as this year after being with the same doctors since moving to Grantham and them not helping me, i decided to change.
Which did not help as i saw 2 different doctors who told me like i mention to get over it (: yeah such really educated staff... not!!!

Anyway fast forwarding , I knew i was not going to get any help any time soon, i just kept fighting the depression back, trying new things out, to get myself out of the house, and joined up with a running club, so i was now doing running 2 times a week, tennis 3, and gym, 3-4 times a week.

At the start of this week, I was having very vivid and long dream, that when waking up i was remembering most of what i was thinking about.

which happens hardly ever, but on top of that i do not know why my brain just kept thinking of the things that i had dreamt about throughout the day, it felt like my life was on auto pilot and that was not really doing anything during the day.
It was also extremely hot and had been all week, which anything over 20c and i really struggle, i get headaches i can not focus on what i am doing, and i find most of my days in bed letting time fly by.

Monday night was a lot cooler, as i completed a 7k run, which i really struggled with and fighted to keep going i got back home my feet killing, legs felt like rubber and i felt good that i went for the run but i also felt low, and felt miserable again for no reason.

I woke up Tuesday not feeling great but knew i had to snap out of it as I had a important rest of the week to go, so i booked a tennis court to practice ready for the match, and then find myself leaving after a hour as i could not cope with the heat.

Still not feeling well on Wednesday i had 2 hours of tennis, but also the final run to end the coach to 5k course i had been doing with the running club.
It was over 20c as we set off running, and 4 times i had failed to do 5k only managing 3k due to the heat and that day was no exception.
In fact it was one of the worse runs i had done, I loved the route we went on but i was struggling so much, that i really did not feel well when i got home, and i think i pulled something in my leg.
Hoping it would heal because going onto the day where is why i am writing this blog post, the biggest test of my life so far.
I had been asked to play in a team for tennis club, a month a go, and with 2 matches having to be cancelled i was really looking forward to it.
The weather also a little cooler as well so i did not have to worry about not feeling well.

I got there early to work on my serves, and just before we started we was told the match format.
So in tennis the score are, 15-30-40 game etc and depending on how well the other team play , the scores can be 15-15, 30,30-40-40 and then going to deuce and advantage etc.
After which 1 game would be won, so when your told your going to be playing 13 games, in 3 doubles matches making it 39 games, that really knocked my confidence before it has began.

I wanted to enjoy the matches but also play the best i have ever done, and well the people me and my team mate were playing was just out of this world.

People who had been playing for 20+ years with such powerful serves making it hard to get a return back.

After a hour, i was starting to feel ill, my feet heavy, my vision going strange and playing like i forgot how to play,

I started to get frustrated at myself and missing most of the serves, and the more i tried the worser my game got.

I also kept forgetting where to postition myself, as in doubles you have to much to think about.
If your team mate has a strong serve meaning its hard for the other team to return then you have to be close to the net, and then stand back to the line for the second serve if he misses.
then if your team mate is serving and your at the net, its deciding where to postion yourself on every shot, do you stay at the net in case they hit a soft shot you can counter, if they hit it close to the net but on the other side of the court you then have to chase for it.
Or even having to run backwards if they try to lob it over you.

I am not going to into all the details of tennis but trust me when i say that is only 1 set of things you have to think about when playing tennis.

I enjoy tennis the most, but i have never played at a competitive level, and that is only 1/5 of the skill level i would say, i think a lot of times people who watch tennis who have never played it.
Go oh its just hitting a ball, how boring, or that looks easy, when trust me you will not be saying its easy when you have a go playing in a tough competitive game.
Most sports are the same, they look easy but you do not realize how much physically strength is needed, the things you need to learn about, your brain makes so many decisions within just a second its amazing.

For me i am no where near the physically standard i need to be, and although i enjoy everything i do, its really took its tole.
Because i suffer most days with my stupid depression i have to push myself to try even harder and most days after coming back from running or tennis, i end up doing mostly nothing else all day.
Having to soak my feet in a bowl for a hour trying to get them to heal, while trying to stop my shoulder and legs from hurting.
which then makes me feel low because i hurt so much and the cycle never stops
Now people who do not know me, may go really all this because you do rubbish on your first big match, grow up, etc.
Its not just the fact of the match, i felt like this for weeks, in pain i know sport is never a easy things but if its really hurting so much that it also makes you feel rubbish about yourself then you start to think is it worth it.
I just starting to burst out crying, my head banging, i got hardly any sleep, and woke up feeling dizzy.
I got out Friday to have a game of pool with some friends for a hour but even that i was struggling and just wanted to go home to go to sleep.

Expect for the physically i also feel as a person that i am looping back to how i was when my depression first hit.
my aniexty being a bit factor that i cant go to a event without the stupid thoughts in my brain thinking people are laughing at me or looking at me funny even though i know they are not my brain at the time thinks otherwise.
I struggle to talk to people as in a normal conversation, and in the last few months that has only gotten worse.

If a photo is being taken, i tend to hide away, even though i am confident of taking selfies and taking photography. ... confused ???

I have missed so much in my life because of my own actions, i missed Park run today which was Our runnings club Graduation because i feel so rubbish but also just feeling so confused weather i should stop playing tennis and doing the running.

I miss out on going to events with friends because of either money or again knowing that i would want to leave or not feel right.

Even today there is a carnival going with lots of things going off that i want to capture photography.
But instead i am sat not feeling well, sat in my own stupid miserable thoughts.

I went out to get shopping this morning, and my legs just hurt so much, weather that is from pulling something from tennis or that could even be my depression making me feel worser then i am.

I do not want much in life, but the one thing i wish i could have would be getting help that i need.
what breaks us makes us stronger, i have said that a lot, but even at times i question that saying.
So i might bounce back stronger then i am feeling but again at what cost if everytime it bounces me back to how i feel right now, confused on what i wanna do in life.
I thought i had my depression at least a bit under control and that i was happy because i was changing my life, i was stronger happy, i made friends, i help my community, and i had at least something to do everyday, now i just feel like a wreck.
My friends say to maybe take one thing off your list your doing, but there lies the circle again, when i dont have a lot of things to do, my demons fight back, and on the other hand when i am doing so much, that i have no strength to fight they can win anyway .. AHH!!!!

I just wish that i could be a normal person, in society terms that i could just hang out with friends have a night out listing to music, and enjoying life, i want to explore and there is so much i wanna do, but just end up living the same circle off staying in a room on my computer, ahh life.

The only good thing i can say is that the last few months mental health has been talked about more and more, and i have started to surrounded myself with people who understand.
To me if i am friends with someone who tell me to get over it then, they are not my friend and they do not understand what i go through.
so my advice to everyone is, people who suffer are not classed as mental just because it has mental in the title, we all suffer from mental health, at some point in our lives, its not nice and at times we need to have that support that care from friends, etc to bounce back, so please if you have a friend who is struggling, reach out to them, talk to them and help, them, even if you cant help try and find someone who can (:

Thank you for reading

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