Looking back at 2017 !!! Mental and Physical Health | DanielMarshallAdventures

2016 was a very hard year, but 2017 has really changed my life, it has shocked me so i wanted to go through the bad and good points over the last 2 years.

Now I think i have gone into a lot of what happened in 2016 so i will try to briefly explain.

After suffering with depression and anxiety while being with someone for 5 years, things started to fall apart, and in the end due some major faults of my own we broke up a few days into 2016.

At that point i was homeless, i had no friends and i did not want to be around my family.
I tried to kill myself, for 6 months i barley ate, hardly leaving my room, and everyday crying, tearing myself apart.

I could not stop contacting my ex because she was everything, as i did not have a good childhood or a great life overall until i met her.
I was also bullied at school for being the quite one, and no matter how much i tried to fit in i was always picked on and looked down upon.

so for me because i had never made friends, and spent my time making sure she was happy, i just felt like i had nothing to live for.

I had never got help for my issues, and no one suggested about it either until the break up.
I ended up getting a 12 month harassment thing where i could not contact her, etc and i decided then that clearly i was never going to see or speak to her again even as friend so to now focus on turning my life around.

Throughout 2016 i tried to make friends from Grantham online, as my social skills have never been great, and to some it may seem like freckish messaging people on facebook around the local area i dont know.
To me i am confident online, and to me because i struggle so much with people skills in the real world, i would much rather get to know people online for a while first before meeting to be friends.

We somehow still live in a world that people look down upon you for that, and social media has grown so much that i do not see what the issue is now days.

It was not until i started trying to cover events with my photography and videos that i started to find where i belong within the local community.
by the end of 2016 I had managed to find myself a training partner at the gym, as i was really struggling to use the equipment and push myself to go.
what i often get return is people who do not know me being so nasty
Tbh i blame technology, we live more and more in a very anti social and nasty world where everyone inc females will look down at someone they dont even know because of how they look, when trying to get to know someone people will make the stupid viral word of your not my type which is just a lazy way to hold back a nasty comment they want to make on your looks.
like how is someone not your type when all you wanna do is be friends with that person?
It just mades me really angry that these people have nothing better to do in their lives then to look down on others.These people are normally so up their ass that they think they have the perfect friends and the perfect life.
For me i do not judge, on looks, age etc, because a lot of people have forgotten that personality is key.
You could be at society puts it hot as fuck, but you could be a total bitch inside, one that talks behind peoples back, laugh and put others down, just to make their own lives less boring (:

With having my own experiences of hanging out with people at school just to have friends, when in reality all they ever did was take the piss out of me.
at the time i thought having nasty friends was better then having no one but i soon realized that i would rather suffer alone then hang out with those who would only make my depression worse.

So when i started making my first friend i did not know what to expect, he soon became my best friend, as i made more friends online and through tennis and covering events my confidence started to Bulid.

Over the course of 2017 my physical health has only kept growing, and i have been able to achieve so much because of it.
When i was at the gym though i often did struggle with my grip still as well as knowing how to do said workout but after being shown needing help straight away, as i understood what to do but my body would not do the same.
so one of the workouts is using cables, so you arch your back out and pull the cable from your lower chest back up and i could never keep my arms in the right place.
with the deadlifts i kept moving my whole body instead of just standing up.
The annoying thing was i did not know i was doing it when lifting.
I would be told again and again from my friend but most of the time my body never listened.
so overall to people it looks like i am dumb when i am not its just my body is not on the same wave length as my body.
so for me i have to try twice as hard over doing it just to try and keep calm to do the workouts but also push to compete with what they were lifting in terms of weight.
I manage somehow to turn my upset and anger into raw strength, and its amazing how much push i have that only keeps surprising me more and more.

After a few months of using gym gloves for my grip, i eventually stopped using them, which things like the lat pull down and the max rack was still digging into my hands but now i could tolerate the pain a lot more.

Although throughout this year i have been able to get stronger, and more confident around the gym in terms of using the equipment by myself and even trying equipment i was scared to by myself, my confidence around others is still something i need to work on.
I have managed to take part in one class that has changed my stamina and speed, and had be fun and a lot of competition but i have avoided classes like circuits, boxing, dancing and other due to the fact i also need help as i get confused a lot.

On top of that i have this annoying thing about me that i am not confident around females, which in a way out of my own fault its stopped me from being able to explore and train with others in the fun classes.

so instead i just learned to focus on the one class i was good at, and kept aiming to get better and better.
In October it was a double challenge for me as the gym had prizes going for that month so i pushed extra hard but also mixing the watt bike class up with target based sessions.

In the last 3 months i have bonded with people in that class, because of how much everyone pushes themselves to achieve.

Just as i start to win classes and break my own records i have to push even harder as others have pushed just as hard to match me, we all have fun and laughs and its an awesome feeling to be in for that 30 minutes of the class.

In Fact only a week a go to me was the best class ever !!!
I not only got a much higher percentage overall in the class, but beaten records of overall heart rate and peak heart rate for a morning class (:
What amazed me more was a guy that came out of nowhere to match me all the way through that class and ended up beating me toward the end, its a crazy feeling, having the music pumping, seeing how well your doing in front of you, your legs hurting, but out of no where you keep pushing more and more because you want that win !!!!

Its that pure adrenaline rush i have craved more then ever this year, 90 percent of the time, if i running to play shots at tennis, or pedaling fast on the watt bikes, i am happy, i have more engry then i could dream off, my depression gone, i am not worrying or thinking about anything other then pushing my limits more and more.

around 4 months a go i managed to push my heart rate to 195 and it did scare me as for a short while after i did feel dizzy and took me a while to calm down but after something to eat and rest despite reaching my limit, i felt alive and could go again (:

So for me 195 is not good enough in 2018 i wanted to reach at least 200 i know i can do it given the right music and the right situation and as long as i have something with sugar or a bite to eat straight after i will be fine.

Overall i feel the last 4 months something has snapped inside of me, and put me on a even better track in life, it has had it challenges though.

I went through very bad points during those months but without that would not lead me to my new thinking in life and i still do think everything happends for a reason.
The first thing to change was admitting to myself i longer have passion for making videos and to stop trying to keep doing it and then getting stressed over the whole process.
I decided at that point my life needed a new direction, which was to try and go back into Education and study within the health sector.
After a back and forth week of going to the job centre and back to the college, i was told i could not get funding for any level 2, but could for level 3 but cant study level 3 without going on level 2 !!!

I went for the Interview for the course anyway while waiting to hear from the jobcentre over funding.
the course required you to do a screening test aimed at dyslexia.
I got really stressed while taking it and the results showed that i do suffer with it but with it being a screening test it was not a official assessment.
After getting advice from the college i was told it was best to take my GCSES again,
this way it would help re train my brain but also help with getting used to being around others.
i was told however that i would not be able to get any help over my learning diffulty until i was studying a course at the college.
so i started stepping up my already pestering and researching over getting help for my learning diffuclites.

I asked on local facebook groups for any advice, and then i went off contacting lots of different compaines.
most of them either said they was no help, no funding, or to have words with the doctor
The doctors so far in Grantham, either tell you to get over it or do not understand no matter how much you explain things.

I got in touch with a company in Grantham who deal with dyprxia but the problem was they charge 14 pounds per hour, and when i spoke to them, they said i would be looking at a couple of hours a week for at least 1-2 months to chat about the process of getting help etc.
which would be at least 100 pounds a month, and with being on jobseekers i couldnt afford that.
Lots of people have said to me you need to go on ESA again tried that with the useless doctors who take one look at me and go your 26 you look in good shape, if i give you a sick note you would only keep coming back to get one ??? like yeah thats what ESA is you need a sick note to start the application in the first place, and then you need to keep going back in order to keep sending it off so you can get your payments.
i think ive had at least 10 people plus my support worker who say that i need to be on ESA but because the idiot doctors dont understand, then i have just had to stay on job seekers.

A few weeks a go i got in touch with a wonderful company in Lincoln, who understood me very well, and gave me help on the best way to ask for help at the doctors.
This person mentioned that at boston Hospital they look into Learning Difficulties but i would need to be referred by a doctor for it.
So weeks later i was seen by a doctor with my support worker.
I explained everything, inc about the referral, he just shook his head, ingored what i said and moved on in the talk like how rude !!!!

How rude that after 5 times explaining what my issues were and how it affects my day to day life, did it take my support worker to step in as well in order to get a NHS form Printed off, which basically asks you what your issues are and why you need help, which then gets sent back to the doctor and sent away for someone else to look out.

On top of that, on my medical records it was shown that dyslexic was already on there from 2008, 10 years a go !!!
and yet over the last 2 years of seeing over 10 different doctors, not once when mentioning about getting help with it did anyone ever mention my medical records which they would need to look at everytime i asked for help !!!
The Fact as well that it took that many doctors and that many tries to get a NHS form as well is a joke.

 See everything is connected, i cant get a proper place to live as i am not high enough on the Counil,
i cant get higher because i do have issues with my mental health and learning, but have not been on paper to help the application move along.

I cant get help for my issues, so my issues gets worse, which impacts my mental and physical health.
and so on.

So in my mind everything i Achieve is always a test for me and has been Extremely hard to push through everything in order to be happy.
Someone once told me, if your capable of playing sport, in good physical health, and do photography, then why are you not working???

For me everyday is a challenge, with my mental health and with how i am able to get things done.
so i already mentioned about my body doing different to my hands because of that, i have last every job i have had in the past.
My depression also having a big impact on working as, its very hard to control, most of the time it just switches on and off, without a cause, when that happens and i am in a crowed place my aniexty then kicks in to make things even worse.

There are days where i feel good and somedays were my bed is the only place i can be all day.
It was not until the end of 2016 that i was told that Physical health helps a lot with these issues.
So I took Charge and quickly learned that being at the gym and at tennis made me super happy.
That right there is the only answer, when i am in that space, most of the time i dont worry, my issues are gone and i feel good about myself, i do often still struggle with social interaction and being around people but when i am there its more under control to compared to working, as its something i am happy about and enjoying, hence the reason why i wanted to start my own business up.

Its taken a year of hard battles, of even having days and weeks where even sport has made me upset and feel worse, to make my physical health much better which had not fixed my mental health but made it so much better.

Its one of the things why going back into education is key for me as its taking one step out of my comfort zone, getting used to be around others again and hoping that after my GCSES i can either finally get somewhere with studying within the health sector or have the confidence to work again.
as i may be able to capture photography for events but i am not a confident person around people overall.
Now is partly one of the reasons i decided to take a break from photography, even my Private Counselor argeed, she said i would regret it if i stopped it all together, as its where my creative mind comes from, its my passion and its done wonders with connecting with the local community.
However i often used the camera as an excuse to hide the real me, i used the camera as my confidence, and it got so bad that i really did not enjoy going to things without it.
It did me good but it also was a major issue is enforcing the issue rather then learning to deal with being in a crowed place without it.
i was told that maybe for a short while just go out and take photography of what you like taking, rather then saying right today there is an event ill go and take photos of that.

all my friends and the local community have said the same thing which is just keep being me, keep enjoying what i do as it clearly has been helping.

Technology For me is a blessing and a curse, its a blessing as i am able to help the community, i am able to relax when not working on photos etc, and just watch my fav tv shows, movies and Youtube Videos.
Its a curse as because i have for to long made myself get cosy in the bed, it stops me from leaving as when i feel down, being in bed does not cure but helps make me feel better rather then trying to push through it and be social.

Its been a curse because i have not gone to things that i would enjoy because i havent been in the mood to bring my camera with me and in the last month of not really using it, i have been much happier (:
in the last month i have been more social, i listen more to people, i have slightly changed the way i have been eating, and i have more drive to succeed in life then i have done.
In a way i feel that i am very knowledgeable and easy to talk to because of my life experiences.

I loved being with my partner and yes i do miss her and yes i wish we could be friends,
but at the end of the day, through that experience ending, i am slowly finding the real me.
I have made friends, i have a great community of people that have started to understand me
and slowly i am getting used to being independent.
Its hard, sometimes it does feel lonely, and i know when i was with my partner i did relay on her a lot to do things i could not do, its taken 2 years to adjust myself to my new situation and i love it.

I am close to my flat mates which its the first time being in a shared house i have managed to let my guard down and be myself around others.
In a way they are more people in terms of friends, because we get on so well.
I enjoyed the 5 years i was with my partner and i would not want to change it expect just being able to have friends and learn to be an independent person back then.
and to me my life is only just starting i may be 26 but i feel like a kid again because i am now getting life experiences that i should have had around 19-20.

Overall this year has shown me that although i was not an amazing person with my partner and i had a lot of faults i have battled, to get help over it, i have took the time to learn about my faults and to either fix them or find a way around them.
and for 2018 i hope that i can finally get the help i have been looking for and that my new direction in life will be one with a good meaning, good laughs and great times.

Thank you For Reading and i hope your 2018 brings you some magical (:

Trent Vineyard 17-12-17- Feeling like my True self,Family service | Daniel Marshall Adventures

This Blog post is to Highlight The wonderful place that is Trent Vineyard and to explain that you do not need to be Religious in order to join or experience the wonderful things that go off (:
A few months back I went with James Pitcher and the family To Trent Vineyard for the very first time.
I had got to know James Through Grantham Tennis Club, months later i had written on social media about wanting to try different things in life when James Told me about The Church they go to.
I was meant to write a post about the experience, as we also went into the amazing War Hammer HQ.
I never got around to writing it. A few weeks later i started to but then felt it was to late to post about the day out.

Today I made the trip with them again as James was performing with the band for the Family Service. so I decided that this time i will blog about the experience as i want to explain why i felt so happy being there and why i was able to be myself, something which is very hard for me to do.


When James Invited me to go months a go i did not know what to expect, Trent Vineyard is not your Normal type of church, is it based in a massive Warehouse, It has Live music that is really out of this world and the talents there are mind blowing, it has Free Refreshments when the services are on and The Vineyard has Several big sections to the place and Looking to expand with a Children's Centre next year !!!

 
As you can see from the pictures its huge, picture do not do it justice as the pic above is only the main part of the Building.

The First time i went I felt so Equipment Envy, with being into media and seeing all the cameras and tech i just felt like Geeking out haha.
It was a first time in a long time being around a lot of people as i suffer bad from anxiety on top of being really shy anyway.
I came away feeling so pumped after the live music, and the amazing atmosphere that its no wonder i went back again Today.

Me, James and his Family left Grantham at 8.20am as James had to get there early to do sound tests with the band before the service started.

He was telling me that he did not leave Nottingham The day before until 12 at night due to Having the first practice with the band. It was also amazing to know that he had written and Produced one of the songs.

Trent has its own record Label so any music made is under that label (:
here is a small write up about is on the Trent Vineyard website which ill put the link to it at the end of this post (:

Worship is more than music. To us, it’s the act of freely giving our love to God in all that we do and we believe that giving in worship is the key to finding Him at work in our lives. Music is just one of the many ways we worship at Trent Vineyard. During our Sunday services we love to sing songs to God, lifting Him up, giving thanks for all He is and has done in our lives and telling Him how much we love Him.

What we sing is very important to us and that’s why we write and sing our own songs. Over the years, we've recorded a number of albums which you can listen to and buy at Vineyard Records. You can also search over 700 songs written in Vineyard churches from all around the world at vineyardsongs.com including many of ours.

So we all arrived and i can to see James in action as he was playing Guitar. you had someone on Keyboard, bass Guitar, Drummer and Vocalists.

From even the Practice runs the band sounded amazing, as always even though i wanted to watch James my eyes and ears focused more on the drums, its just how i am i am so drawn to the skills of drumming (:
James was telling me that the sound does an amazing job as you have to make sure everyone can hear whats going off in their ear so thats what sound tests are so key before the real deal, as you dont want someone out of tune, not singing the rest part or not being heard because the volume is to low or to high !!!

As time went by People started to turn up for the service, inc Kids that were also going to perform with dances.

What is cool before the session starts is they play upbeat music just in the background so its lively but also they have a countdown to when its about to start up on the big screens that you can see in the picture above.
These screens will always show the person/people talking/ performing so people who are at the back of the venue can see, they will often show the lyrics to the songs as well on screen (:

It was now getting really packed, and even though i was at the front, my heart was racing i kept looking around me, and feeling very anxious being around people.
That being said The vineyard is truly an magical experience when both times of visiting and the powerful music comes on did i find myself not only standing up, but singing something i only ever do in bedroom so that no one can hear other then my housemates.

What is magical about the whole place is the fact it can still keep the faith, and traditions but bring it into the modern world, to get kids of their Technology to sing, dance and enjoy music like really should be known Nationally its that good.

After a few songs, there was a small break Followed by some Dancing and a small video that kids from the Youth Group took part in.

Which is another amazing factor about the place that kids can enjoy arts and crafts sports and much more, there are student nights that go off, lots of projects for people to help out in the local Environment, like Gardening, and there is even small groups that people can get together and meet new people (:


Next up on the family service  was a really fun Game for Kids to enjoy and put a smile on my face, 3 people got in Inflatable raft type things,  the room would be split into 3 groups and on screen would be something you had to act out for the people on the stage to guess.

The person on stage that lost the round got a pie in the face, at the end of every round, sweets would be thrown in the air to the kids at the front to have (:

This then followed and i am really sorry i can not remember there names but 2 people got into a raft and got dunked as a send off as it would be there last Christmas service due to helping expand in the church into another location.
I think this is awesome that the place has grown so much since it first started and that other places around the world should experience what the one in Nottingham has to offer (:

The band came back on to finish up and now i was singing much louder, i felt at home, at peace, i felt so happy to not only be watching my friend Perform but just be myself not having to worry about anything.

In fact Towards the end i suddenly felt like crying, for many reasons.
I was Born In Nottingham, but never really fitted into society, my parents did take me to anything like this, i was never apart of a group, and it really got me thinking about life.

I have made a home In Grantham, its the place where i have managed to connect with so many people, and be happy, and yet for the first time in a long time i kind of wished i did live back In Nottingham and that i was a kid again.

My mental health plays a big part in my life, and because of that i find it extremely difficult to not only manage each day but to be social around others.
They may be events and things to be a part of in Grantham that i have not fount yet however after only going to 2 services at Trent, it feels like its where my life needs to be.

I wish i was a kid so that i could Dance on stage, i could feel free and be happy not being an adult and having to worry about adult things, just having youth on my side and taking part in projects and being a free spirit.

The past few months have been very hard as I have lost a lot of passion and drive for a lot of things, and i feel i do not know where my path lies.
However after today i have some kind of idea what i would like to do.
That is even if its in Grantham i would like to be apart of projects i would like to help people in need.
I would like to find my passion again for photography and help cover more events and places so that people can experience the best of things in life.

I would like to become more social and show the world the real me that i control my health and that i wont feel the need to leave something due to my aniety that i can stay and enjoy the day.

The Service today at Trent really opened my eyes to what i have been missing out on in life.
That although I have made a home in Grantham its time to start exploring, to open different paths, still taking what i have learned and still have the awesome people in my life but making way for a happy and brighter Future.

I have the wonderful James and Izzy to thank for inviting me along to Trent, and to the concept of church which i even admit when they first mentioned it my first thought was boring, sitting hearing people talk about Jesus etc.
Trent is more then just a place to learn about God, its a place to bring people Together, my only regret is not knowing about the place sooner, but i will always life by the rule that everything happens for a reason, you need the good and the bad times in your life in order to learn, to change, to re discover who you are, and connecting to people that will always be by your side (:

I can Honestly say that Trent has changed so many peoples lives and i hope they keep growing they keep making people happy and having all the wonderful memories to look back on !!!

So why not pop along to one of the services, and see what you think, tell your friends, family
and help spread the word (:

Thank you for reading and if you would like to know more information about Trent  then please see below

https://www.facebook.com/trentvineyardchurch/
http://trentvineyard.org
https://soundcloud.com/trentvineyard
https://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/trent-vineyard-talks/id1081362043?mt=2

Seeing Live music Again-The House Of Ghosts Grantham 2-12-17

In this Blog post I will explain why I decided to see Live music again, and why seeing The House of Ghosts was even more special then the first time seeing them ages ago in Grantham (:

The past couple of weeks i have had a very deep thought about my life and where i would like it to go. I had decided that i no longer wanted to do Video Production, and that i was also having thoughts of dropping photography as well and here is why !!!

For me in 2016 Photography was the main reason why i managed to get out of the house, it was a distraction away from my mental health, and over the course of learning it lead to something i never thought would happen.
This was using my skills to connect with the community, to take photography, capturing things at local events, and meeting really amazing people.
My camera was a way to hide myself in a way and allowed me to be a more confident person.
At the start of this year, I started going to see Live music In Grantham, The first time i went i did not take my camera and i could not take it.
Since then every-time I could to see artists and bands i do my part by Taking photography of these events and helping spread the word of the amazing talent that either is in Grantham, or has come to Grantham to play.
However My life became some what of a loop that over the past few months i have felt my confidence shrink and that taking photography was something i was not enjoying doing.
I believe everything happens for a reason, so with that in Mind I knew The house of Ghosts were playing again and i wanted to see them, from enjoying the experience last time.
I had decided to not take my camera, not even bring a bag, both of which have been constant distractions, as i have had to stand for hours watching people perform so i could keep moving around taking photos.

For anyone who does not know who The House of Ghosts are here is a
small summary (:

The House of Ghosts are a female fronted original four piece ethereal rock band from the Midlands. They formed back in the summer of 2015 and have gigged around the local scene gathering ghosts along the way. They have an intoxicating rich rock sound with ethereal meandering melody. The wide ranging, enticing vocals from Gina Stone and big riffs from guitarist Leigh Edwards prove to be a fabulously powerful combination. Plus from November 2017 there will be fresh new blood in the rhythm section Danny Krash on drums and Dan Foster on bass giving the ghosts a new dimension.

Their first EP 'Curious Attraction', released last year, has had a fantastic response. Reviews appearing in rock magazines and websites including Power Play Rock and Metal Magazine, Sea of Tranquility (Progressive Rock) Website and Woody's Rock Reviews. They were invited by BBC Lincolnshire Introducing to play a live session in June 2017 which included a cover of Black Velvet and various tracks from Curious Attraction. Also plenty of airplay from local radio stations including BBC Introducing Nottingham, TBFM Insonic Rocks and Gravity FM, Songs of Preys, Nightbreed Radio - Dark Frequency.

From the groove-led hard rock of Pulse to the gentle ballad of Drowning, catchy choruses of Magnetic and Moonchild, plus a sprinkling of carefully chosen covers, The House of Ghosts will make any gig a good night to be haunted!

I got there early which meant that i got myself a seat upfront and watched the band do test runs and setting up, I always try to be at the front as that way i do not have to fear of looking forward being surrounded by lots of people, i just focus on the band and the music (:

From the moment they sung their first song, they already took their sound quality to a new level, and sounded even better then the last time i heard them.
The Unique thing about this band, is how well the songs are put Together, with most of them being longer then your normal radio song, your hit with the very elegant and powerful voice of Gina Stone Aka Janet Mcdermott-Brown that passes through your body and soul, almost feel like your drifting away but then brought back by the most insane crazy skills of the new drummer Danny Krash, who was having the time of his life, if thats not enough you have the pulses of the bass guitar by  Daniel Foster and the really epic and mesmerizing Guitar skills and solos by Leigh Edwards with Exciting Rifts that brings a passion and edge to the band !!!
The whole experience of watching them live is like your living an atmosphere of being In a 80,90's Festival, In front of a massive crowd just having the time of your life (:                                                         

They have Recently been on BBC Introducing Which i think is awesome and i am glad to see this band getting know !!!

Half way through, the set  even though I loved every member of the band, scanning back and forth really watching the fingers move wild on the Guitars and hearing the wonderful smooth vocals, I have to admit Danny Krash caught my eye the most.

I have always had a passion for listening closely and watching drummers, If there is a concert on TV i focus more to the beat of the drums then the whole song, Its crazy how much a drummer can play to perfection and just pour their heart out, i also love when it comes to the end of the song and you get to see the mad drum solo hehe.

I was happy because not only was i relaxed but was having the time of life just not being me while being me?This is where a lot of photographers will know this pain, that is of spending to much time in front of a screen rather then just living the moment.
Its annoying because Technology is everywhere, and often is our downfall, and it took me to have a set back of doing photography, to see how much i hid behind the camera in order to make friends but also force myself to see bands play.
Seeing that band play was the first time i had went without my camera, i may not have spoken to anyone but to me just being able to chill and listen to live music which is way better then anything in the world, just made me happy (:
Its nice to have photos to lookback on but i do feel that gigs are meant to be enjoyed, by not spending time looking down to change settings on a camera and watch them through a lens !!!!
It was nice just being a a human being for a change and not having to relay on a camera in order to enjoy life (:

As the band was performing their last songs, I must admit their last songs were the best and the ones i enjoyed the most, I fount myself, moving and tapping along more and more wishing i could live in that moment just a little bit more (:

I was super impressed with the 2 new members as it was their first time performing in a venue as a whole band.
Overall I aim to see them again but in a different venue maybe Lincoln or Newark and even if my blog inspires just one person to see live music and even see The House Of ghosts then i will be thrilled hehe.

I hope The band keeps staying strong, making new tracks, expanding their audience and who knows touring across Countries one day !!!!
Note- photography in this blog is not mine (:

If you would like to know more of the band and The Grantham live Music scene please check the links below (:
- http://www.thehouseofghosts.co.uk
-https://www.facebook.com/thehouseofghostsuk/
-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8K19uH1GHa0

Grantham live music Scene
https://www.facebook.com/Granthamlivemusicscene/
http://www.granthamlivemusicscene.co.uk/


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Grantham Tennis Club, Master Club Coach LTA Level 5, Training For Coaches | Daniel Marshall Adventures

On 1st November 2017 I got a experience of a lifetime and so did the coaches.
Grantham Tennis club was Offering a Free 3 hour coaching session for players, as coaches who are level 4 are working onto Getting their Highest Qualification which is the Master Club coach level 5.

The coaches Taking their level 5 was Jonathan Haynes who is a coach for St Mary’s Calne Tennis Academy (SMCTA) which  provides a structured coaching programme to pupils of St Mary’s Calne and St Margaret’s Preparatory School.
Alan Smith Coaches at David Lloyd Teeside which is at Tees Barrage Way, Stockton-on-Tees TS17 6QB
I could not find any images for the 2 coaches above but here is a picture of the last one which is the guy on the left

Lastly we have Richard Surtees who is Head of Performance at Grantham Tennis club.
Here is a summary of what the aim of the level 5 course is about

What is the aim of the course?

The aim of the course is to provide coaches with a transformational coach education experience that will equip them to be successful developers of players ranging from 11 years of age to under 18 National / International level juniors.

The course will develop coaches with a high level of versatility in working with performance players. Coaches will be able to comfortably transition between, for example, making a technical impact with an 11 year old National level girl, to later creating an inspirational training environment on court with a group of 14 year old boys and then to providing clarity of thought and excitement to a 16 year old in delivering their pre-match practice session prior to them playing a grade 2 ITF.

The course is designed to develop a coach from “knowing more” to deeply influencing their performance on a day to day basis with their players.

The picture above is of a level 1 coaching taking place.
There are coaches who are at different levels, who work hard at not only achieving their grades, but learning about the sport, doing coaches sessions one to one and in groups to help people improve their game, For me for the last year going through the feeling good project through the tennis club, ive had the chance as part of a group to have fun learning tennis, improving my game, play mini games that not only work on a set style and skill but are also fun to play.
Without the Dedication of these coaches, people would not be able to find the love of the amazing sport of tennis.
In Fact the other day i was looking on google and saw this image and its so true that its a key sport on your physical health (:



so for us it was a chance to get free advanced Coaching, while the coaches were training for their exam, with observes being there, to take notes, and for the coaches to ask any questions about the tasks they needed to do.
There was around 12-15 people who got the chance to have this free session.
After a small Warm up with others in the group while the coaches were getting briefed,
we got told that The 3 hours was going to be split into 3 sessions lasting just over 45 minutes with a small break in between each one.
the 3 coaches split us into groups, with each being taught something different and then a swap around when the next session started, so that everyone got a chance to do the drills.

The first session Was focused around serving, working on getting a high percentage in.


For me I have always had a issue which this as i have tried many different types of serves, many different type of stances etc, i always have the same problem which is balance.
Being able to serve a first serve while not moving all over the place, which then get lead to not being on your feet quick enough to return the shot coming back at you.


So the first part was working on getting serves a lot slower but at body level so its a lot harder to return as you body tends to tighten and also not a lot of time to think if the ball is right at your body rather to the side.

We Then had Targets to aim for which because of the insight on slowing my serve down and balancing i was able to hit a target, get more serves in and get close to the targets i was aiming for.
The next stage was then putting it into a little game, working on getting the serve to the players body, and seeing how they coped under pressure.
I cant remember who taught us, but he made sure to watch everyone,s Technique and give advice to each person, to improve there serves but also explain the differences and showcase them so the coach was covering all bases.
I felt that session had taught me a lot and really helped me understand what was going wrong with my serves, its good that he was not only able to provide a fun session but understand each persons different serve and give  different advice based on further advancing the percentage of serves in.


Next up was forehand drills with Richard Surtees, and net play.
Using the serving skills we got taught from the other session it was now time for one person to serve and to try and aim for the person right at the base line, making it harder for them to return it also means your body become very tight, and have not much time to think how to hit your shot.

A lot of body movement is used in order to get a stronger forehand hit, you need core strength in your arms and body, also the strength in your legs to have a strong standing force, and the agility to run from a standing point, to reach the ball, and then the arm strength to get that power, drawing the swing back and then forward to carry the momentum.

Its a lot harder then you think to not only aim for where you want the ball to go but to not over cook your shots or  even hit them to soft.
We then worked on a rotation of a player being at the net to intercept while the other 2 aimed to get they forehands across court and towards the base line.

For the forehand players it was working on keeping a rally going, and working on the skills of positioning and power, while the net player, watched for a opening to attack the ball.

which then it was time for  some points games again learning everything we did into practice.

over half over the 3 hours now gone, and i had already learned so much, and again, had a great coach to take the time to address each players skills, workout the best way to help them and encourage them to do well, so far the 2 sessions, were not what i expected, we were really tested and a lot of cardio was in play, it was Advanced training we was getting, and i loved it, it was pushing my limits and improving my game !!!!
as you can see by the picture above most forehands are normally hit by the side as its better to keep putting the other player under pressure, get in building up  rather then aiming to win the point straight away, let them make the mistake, and then put a shot down the middle, a drop shot, slice shots etc (:

By this point i was starting to struggle as i have been battling with a cold for over a week now, and only starting to recover.
This meant that i was not moving as fast as i normally do, or even have the same focus on top of which that although social tennis is competitive, its not as fast paced as the coaching we was getting.
The last time i did heavy Cardio tennis was over 4 months a go when i had a session indoors to see what it was like and i did really enjoy it, but i still need to keep improving my fitness and stamina !!

Indeed by the quote above, you can never perfect your game, and never aim to play tennis to win everytime, we learn of others, we watch, we study, we practice, we have fun and then we do it all again, thats my little quote haha, the image quote is better (:

For the final session we had our final coach, still working on forehand but this time working on placement and watching your opponents move and hitting it to a place where its a lot harder for the other player to return.

A marker was placed, and this is where the real fast Cardio session started, by taking it in turns we had to try for a standing point in the middle,having the ball fed to our right and trying to aim to the right of the marker.
Trying to get precision on your forehand is really hard as its easy just as a ball is coming to you to just give it a big whack and hope for the best, the skill comes in the control and placement (:

The next task, was hitting the same ball, but then getting another ball fed to us, and having to use our feet to get into a position where we could hit our forehands shot to the left side of the court.
To make it harder the first bounce had to be in court, with the second bounce making sure it went out.
This was to work on getting close to hitting a deep forehand shot to the corner without the first bounce being out, as in tennis your only allowed for the ball to bounce once.

I was making a lot of mistakes but with the help of the coach and the atmosphere i soon pulled it together which helped for the last task.
now we had Balance of our forehands, it was now time to do the same for the first shot but then the second feed the coach/player would be either moving, or stood still,
Often we move to quick to try and predict where the shot is going and if the other person can see that, and your running lets say to the left, you have now let the whole right side of the court open for the player to make it easier to win the point by hitting it to the right.
Its amazing that in a space of a seconds sometimes just one, our eyes, body, mind can analyse where the ball is coming, where the player is, is the person moving, where we want to place the shot, how much power, what type of shot, a forehand, slice, smash etc, like with any sports you watch on TV it seems a lot longer but in real life, a split second wrong choice can cost you a point or even the match.
    

What really amazes me is when we as adults try so hard to improve and a lot of the time kids who are 10 years and younger, are hitting shots better then us, like !!! how haha.

When you think that these sessions did not even go into really Technical types of shots, that gives you some idea how much training, coaching there is involved and how fun but how hard tennis can be as a sport.
Its took over a year from getting coaching, to watching others play and put that into practice, to develop my own game, which now i not only can do the essential skills, but my own little tricks and flicks of shots !!!

Overall i felt all 3 coaches, knew a lot, were already well trained to say  they had achieved their level 4 and looking to get that one step further in life.
All 3 coaches, delivered a fun but intensive session, which all of them, helped assess each person weak points to turn them into stronger points, and parts of their game that needed to that little tweak.

 
In my opinion i think all 3 coaches should pass their level 5 as they are top notch !!!
Weather, your young, old, in a wheelchair, you can always learn, and enjoy playing tennis thanks to all the hard work, coaches, staff, managers put into providing a place for people to learn 
So i thank Grantham tennis club, for this wonderful experience, and of course the coaches, i hate to think how they felt under pressure but i can say they swiped the sweat away and performed to the best of their ability (:
Thank you for reading if you would like to know more about LTA you can do by the links below
https://www.lta.org.uk/
https://twitter.com/ltalincs

Grantham tennis club links -
https://www.facebook.com/granthamtennisclub/
https://twitter.com/GTCManager
https://clubspark.lta.org.uk/granthamtennisclubMy social links

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Ramblings of a confused man ????/ Recovery college ??? 29-09-17 | Daniel Marshall Adventures

That time again where i was meant to be creative and have ongoing blog posts that need to be done but just do not have that creative spark or drive, been debating weather to write this for nearly 2 hours now !!!!
Its not been a great week at all, and is why i feel i need to write to get my thoughts away.
Before i get into the bad week i wanted to explain about the kinda of good news I got today.

So as some of you may know who reads my blog posts, since 2016 i have battling with the lack of support by the mental health services.
In life, it so ironic that you not told about services that are offered by the same company at the same place you have been going to for other kinds of help !!!!
This week while playing tennis, i got talking to someone about anxiety and about the useless course i was given to me last week a course that i had waited 6 months for !!!!

The course i was given by the mental health services, aka steps to change, was a group  anxiety course.
Now on the letter it did not explain what it entailed, so in my mind i thought it would be like getting to know each other, group activities to help get of the fear of talking to people and being in the room with others ???

As i arrived for my first session, i had to fill out the thing that should be banned which is the stupid so how have you felt over the past 2 weeks with about 12 questions, of a score based between 0-10 !!
To me when you have had a bad week, or even a good week, we as humans do not mark ourselves on score, we often do not put the correct score depending if that week has been good or not.
This then often leads to not getting further help because they base their decision on the stupid score system and oh no if you did not score high you dont get the help you need !!!!

I filled it in but i swear if i get given it again, even if i kick up a fuzz i am not filling one in ever again.
Instead much like my private counseling i have been having that i will explain a little more later on, even they argeed with many people that, it should be banned and the way the trust deals with patience's is very poor.
The private counseler even said that she had enough of following their workings and that talking to someone about their issues and accessing what help is needed is better then asking someone to rate how they feel !!! 

So going back to the talk with someone at the tennis place, they mentioned that at the same place i go to they do recovery courses also known as recovery college.
These are aimed at group interactions, which is what is should be about.
if you want to find out more about it you can here (:
http://www.lpft.nhs.uk/our-services/adult-services/recovery-college

So why on earth after having 12 weeks of counseling, 5 weeks of CBT, did the same trust never ever mention about this !!!!!!! its nuts.
I then was talking about my anxiety to a friend that i went to for a social meet, and they knew about it and gave me the number to ring.
That is what i did i have got an appointment to talk about the courses like a enrollment, does not mean that the 18th October i have this that i will get instant help.
As they run a lot of different taster courses and core courses, from understanding stress, aniexty and a lot lot more !!! something that i have been wanting this whole time (: here is a little brief write up of a section of a email i just got explaining about the courses.
Your enrolment at the College will last one year. The College runs on a three term academic year. During the first two terms we recommend you taking a mixture of ‘taster sessions’ and ‘core sessions. In your final term, to prepare you for leaving the College, we would recommend you take our ‘moving on’ courses. At enrolment we would make sure you are not overwhelming yourself by taking too many courses, therefore, we would advise a maximum of eight courses during the academic year.

all courses are free, you dont need to bring ID, or anything with you, and i believe as long as they dont overlap your allowed to go onto as many as you can.

I do suffer with both depression and anxiety, and with having private counselling just from the last month, has helped more then the time i have had with the trust.
I was told by the trust 2 months a go when i got a phone call about the anxiety course, that i do seemed to suffer from aniexty the most and i cant say i do i think both are just as bad as each other.

So i am really helping that this recovery college will be the next steps to make me a much more confident person (:
Anxiety is a big problem for me on top of being really shy to meet new people and talk to people.
Unless i am talking about my photography, things i am passionate about or even having a common intrest with that person, i am a totally different person and just struggle coping with making conversation.

Over the past year i have tried as much as possible to force myself out of my comfort zone.
Weather that is meeting with a group of people, to even going to local music gigs.
Most of the time at music gigs i end up leaving due to a overwhelming about of people near me.
In group meets i seem to latch onto one person to talk to as trying to talk to different people just makes me feel on edge, my heart races, i get into a panicked state and just want to leave.

From experience of that i now know that group meetings are just not my thing, the last few months i tried to challenge myself to going to a local social event held once a month in Grantham at a wonderful place.
I have been there 3 times and everytime i just sit there quiet, looking awkward, Its been good going though as i met another photographer, and someone who passed on the details of the counselor i am seeing now (: 
Its often frustrating though, as i dont want to be like that, i dont want to have the need of people coming to me to start the convo, or seeing me quiet and talking.
What i want is when i go to group meetings, is to go in feeling confident, start a talking point off, then go talk to someone else and make friends, yet something just wont snap to make that possible.
Even everyday life i am the same, I love playing tennis, and expect for someone talking to me again starting a talking point off. I often find myself to focused on my tennis then being social.
At the gym, i have got better at talking but still will avoid the chance to meet new people and just focus on what i am doing.
I just seem incapable of talking, a lot of people say what you complain about  just go and do it !!
like der that is what i am trying to do, those people do not know how hard and how taxing it is on yourself pushing yourself out of your comfort zone sometimes it can make you feel worse because of the pressure of having someone telling you just to do it.

I think a lot of people do not know this side of me because i am mostly known as the man with a camera.
I use that to have my confidence and through that i seem to be able to network with people and even talk, its nuts how much of a different person i am just with a camera in my hand (:

Now i will go into the past few weeks and why the last week had been my worst in a long while.
Every week i have meetings with the counselor, talking about my past, my emotions etc.
Every week, for about a hour i feel drained at the end because when you drag so much history up, that you have buried then it impacts not only your mind but your body.
After that though i feel pumped for the day so getting things of my chest really helps.

2 weeks a go I was talking about my photography and what i do for the community,
and she mentioned when was the last time you just went out and took photos for yourself, exploring and capturing what you see.
I said to not in a while, because its been so business and event based, which is nothing wrong with that, but obvious it can be very tiring and demanding.

I took on board what she said and the next day went out for a wonderful walk, i often go by the saying everything happends for a reason, and its true.
In that moment of exploring lead me to enter a photography competition, which was for the Lincolnshire Rivers trust, they loved my photo so much that it was used on Facebook as their cover for the event coming up in Grantham (:
That week started off great because I was in the Journal about my work, only a few days before.
Sadly by the end of the week things went downhill very fast.
Friday 22nd, started epic as i played my best tennis ever, was really happy.
Got home had a shower, something to eat, then a few hours later started to feel strange.
This feeling was not new as Because i have suffered so long i have this sense that i do not feel right, like i am not sad or upset but now really happy either.

By 6pm i had set myself a plan, as i was going to see a local music artist, I started listening to music, and then just after 7.30pm, I could hear shouting over the music.
So I looked outside to see people shouting at each other, and then 5 mins later Police car turning up.
This of course put me on edge a little, even though, it was nothing to do with me, and my brain should not be stupid to get worked up, it did.
I was late leaving due to wanting to wait till it had quieten down, which made me walk faster in my highten state .

I got there, and settled myself thinking right i got my camera to take photos and enjoy a wonderful night, yeah that did not happen.
I could not get comfty, again i did not feel sad but i did not feel really happy either.
After the artist said he was taking a small break, i decided to leave.
Walking back i suddenly without thinking of anything got upset, felt panicked, just being a total idiot.

I got back and for i think 20 Minutes, just sat there about to cry not doing anything.
brushed it aside and started editing the photos i managed to take hoping the next day will be better.
I had managed to dead sleep, where you feel like you have had tons more sleep then you have, which often you will have a headache, feel dizzy, hot, and just do not want to get out of bed.
I set my alarm for 9am and just switched it off, and re woke at 10am.
My body struggled to move but i know i wanted to play tennis later on that day.
90 percent of the time tennis with it being my happy place, snaps me out of it, but there are days where again it makes you feel worser.
That is what happened as, to say i am very physical fit, and no not in looks wise haha but like my speed etc, i just could not move my feet, i could not play at all, it was like i had forgotten how to do anything.

Of course this lead me to feel annoyed at myself, not having good games and making me feel crap about myself walking back home.

I knew i had other stuff to do throughout the day like writing 2 blog posts, one still not being done as i write this one !!!
I had no creativity, and that whole evening was spent in my bed watching shows and feeling awful.
The next morning i felt the same as the other night with dead sleeping again.
A few hours after waking up, i knew i needed to go out as the event for the photography competition was on.
I was glad i went as it cheered me up, with seeing loads of cats on the way back and taking photos of them (:
overall i was not back to normal but i felt a bit better, it did not last long as for the 3rd night i felt like i had more sleep then i did.
For most of Monday, was spent in bed, did not even go to tennis as seeing the counselor again was changed to a Tuesday for that week.

I did have something to look forward to which was doing Cardio at the gym in the evening.
This lead to more being annoyed at myself as i could not push myself as hard as i had been doing.
for some reason my mental state was really affecting my physical body a lot.
Tuesday was a better day, only because of talking about things again, i was now feeling 90percent better !!

The next day was tennis, and i did a bit better, but by the end i felt rubbish again, and did nothing else after that until the evening for more cardio which again was not getting the results i was used to.
This time I had managed to lock my legs and cause a lot of pain, which of course i felt miserable again, ahhh !!!

This leads me onto the last 2 days , expect for last night, I had nearly dead sleeped for a week !!!
all week i had not had the drive i was used to, as mentioned towards the start, was the group meeting, and i mostly talked to the one person i had known from other meets, plus i was still not feeling my usual self.
Today was just a miss match of feelings, as 1 opportunity i had was gone, and another re arranged so my plans for the day changed.
I went to play tennis, and once again, i just fell apart, would not be as bad if i was making wrong decisions like we all sometimes do with anything in life.
its when your body does not want to move, your coordination skills go out the window and you just feel like why am i even bothering anymore.
This week has just been horrible, not because of the things i have done but because i have not been able to control how i have been feeling which had then had a negative impact on doing those things.

I have tried to relax and let the day go and hope for a better day that did not work, i tried taking a good grip on reality and that had the same results.
I just do not know at the moment why i feel the way i do, as i should be happy, my photography is going places, so why i am not happy ???
I just feel so confused right now, lost in my own thoughts.
I miss so much in life because i either leave early, i do not bother going, and when i do my social skills are nothing, i want to experience so much more in life and yet how can i even be accepted because of my mental health, how can i do these things when, i can not stay ??? AHH !!!!!

I think for now i have written enough as this has took 2 hours out of my day not that i am doing anything with it lol.
For me i try to always improve on things, and push myself its just so how when the demons are fighting back harder and harder every month, like the more i achieve the stronger they get.

When i have more details over the course at the recovery college, i shall do a update post but for now i just somehow need to snap myself out of what ever the heck is going off with me at the moment (:
Thanks for reading please feel free to share and follow me on the links below !!

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