Before i Begin this post i would like to say that i have no idea how to take a good picture to show off muscles, also yes i do look like i have double chins which i have never seen in any of my pictures i have took lol.
Just shows sometimes a picture can capture stuff you dont want to (:
So let me tell you why getting strong and being active is so important to me !!!
well i could drag a load of issues up from my childhood but for now we will leave that out.
as i mentioned in other blog posts i suffer from depression, which has many different outcomes.
people may not know this but depression is not just about your state of mind it can also impact how much strength you have. It can make your body weak, tired, tasks such as walking down some stairs can just be so painfully on days when you feel depressed.
I have suffered with this all my life, i have also gone from one extreme body weight to another.
I was as society puts it obeast around the ages of 10 to 15.
It was not until 2 years before i finished school that i noticed this and then went to a stick figure as again society calls it.
The problem is when your young, your burn food quicker so you need to be eating a lot.
Although i was very active my mind was still not in the right place, and i was also very weak.
I am not joking when i say this when i say i struggled to carry a small lightweight bag of shopping.
I also had no grip on carrying things i would always drop stuff and looked like a fool when i did (:
this is me when i was 20 years old and had just got with someone
i started to eat to many takeaways put weight back on but this time to much, i stopped all forms of sport and become lazy.
some days i used to get dizzy and my body felt so tired even going for a hour walk made me super tired as if i had been walking for 5x that amount.
This was due to my depression and of course being unfit and not active.
Events happen and i am no longer with that person, for nearly a year i battled very bad with my depression, even times where for nearly a week i would not leave the house.
i was still weak in my mind and body.
I admit i am a social nerd i love being on a computer to much but in doing so is kind of where it has lead me to events in the here and now.
I focused on learning photography and through that it gave me the confidence just a little bit to come out of my comfort zone, look at who i was and now who i want to be.
a business adviser from the princes trust once said to me i set way to many goals for myself, and unrealistic exceptions.
This was because i am a dreamer, i like to think of what i want in life and how to get there.
Sadly because of my depression the goals i wanted to achieve was making me feel bad about myself, frustrated because it felt like i was getting no where in life.
the adviser talked some good sense into me and about looking at different aspects in my life what i need to focus on first.
so thats what i did i used my love of photography to keep my mind active while doing something about my body strength, because being strong in body can help be strong in mind.
Being active, can release happy thoughts and keep those monsters at bay.
there are a few factors that have come into play why i suddenly put the maximum effort into every gym session i go to, every time i play tennis, everytime i do anything that i feel i push myself to the limit.
I have come to understand from my friends that I have a lot of will power, that i am stronger then i think.
From my own thoughts this is how it seems that through all the pain and suffering i have been through, all the times i chose not to do something because of my depression, all the oppturnties in life i have missed, i now somehow channel all that raw emotion into becoming great.
That is not me saying hey look at me i am awesome no!!
that is saying that i would like to achieve in life, I had the idea that i would run my own business but at the current time in my life i know what i want which is something i always wanted to be from a kid but was never in the right mind and body for it to happen.
That is simply to feel as happy as i can, live each day as it comes, build a community around me that i can talk to when i feel down, that i can help grow, because if you have people around you that care and support you then that itself is the greatest feeling in the world.
I also feel because i have always been told i could never do good in life, i have always been looked down on, i dont look the part again as society sees it that i was never listened to.
So now the need to do well, the need to be praised makes me stronger and stronger.
I dont just improve i make leaps and bounds.
This may seem a stupid way to live life but in my eyes if i am not strong, if i can not fight my demons, if i can not make people aware of who i am then i do not see the point in being around.
Not only do i have my amazing creative mind to thank for putting me in a place that got all this going but the people i have come to get to know.
Gym is one of the things that has made a huge impact on my physical attitude to life.
I feel strong, i am strong, i can go shopping without the worry of not being able to carry it home.
Gym has improved my tennis skills because again feeling strong means you can put more power into your shots, run faster, your mind is sharper to whats going off around you.
Gym has become a drug in the sense that i have to keep getting stronger.
a good example of just how much raw sprite i have that i never knew was there, is I played nearly 4 hours of intense tennis, my feet hurt from doing leg day at the gym the day before.
i got home got food and just wanted to be active, i felt the need to go for a workout.
I knew in my mind i would not manage much because of how tired i was.
How wrong i was when i managed to push my boundaries to whole new levels and do better at keeping stamina then ever before.
a lot of people say this because it is so true, once you sit back and look who you was.
which is if you asked me 6 months a go what i wanted in life, who i would become the answer is not one i could ever dream off.
I was lost in so many thoughts at the start of 2016 i had no sprite i had no confidence i had no self believe in myself, i had no drive, no passion, no will power.
Yet in 2017 i feel like a new person, i feel that although my demons will challenge me more then ever in my life, i finally have the strength to push back just as hard.
I finally feel free to be who i want to be, to what i want to do, the sky is the limit as they say.
so across this year, i will keep having that fight in me, no pain no game, i am learning that very quickly at the gym.
I thought it was hard getting to where i am but the journey ahead for both mind and body is only going to keep getting harder and harder.
the reason why i write these posts about my life is one simple and honest answer
I was tired of who i am, i was tired of being in a corner, i was tired of not opening up to people.
So what if i am now to open to honest, i would rather get no where in life then lie to myself and to people.
I may not be the smartest guy in the world, the funniest, the bravest, the sexiest but i am one thing and that is i will never give up trying to get what i want in life (:
Thank you Reading this is me from the heart,
some advice is and will always be said by loads of people but only listen by a few.
Be who you are, do not let society tell you, to change, tell you to do something you dont want to do.
You were born for a reason embrace it, and flourish in the beautiful person you will always be (:
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