A Insight into Mine & CJ Hatt"s Life !!!! | Daniel Marshall Adventures

As you might know from reading my other blog posts, I have started Branching out my Photography into the music scene.

In doing so has meant that i have managed to connect with local artists in real life and on social media sites.

Since seeing CJ Hatt the first time at The Castle Gate In Grantham, I have fell in love with his music and personality, and from then on i got to get a insight more and more into the chaps life.

Last week which was the week commencing 14-08-17 CJ has asked me if i wanted to come along to 2 Gigs he had going off, and if i wanted to bring my camera with me to do what i do best Taking photography and producing a video.

So Sunday arrived and our Journey starting, as we drove off from Grantham, for CJ's First Gig which was at a festival in Peterborough called  randall rootz festival.
here is a small write up of what the Festival is about -
The Randall Rootz Festival was founded in 2007 in memory of Mark Randall - a passionate musician who was dedicated to supporting and promoting live music, organising events, and playing percussion.
We hope the Randall Rootz Festival will successfully continue the work Mark started and become a popular event on the festival calendar.you can read more about the festival from there website here - http://www.randallrootz.org



He explained about The Festival and how the chap who booked him, had never seen or heard his music before, and only booked CJ based on his reputation about what people said about his performances.

We got talking about a lot of things, events that he had been to, and little insights that unless you get a chance to talk to him for a while you would not know (:

CJ told me that because he had another event to go to straight after the festival that we need to park close, and sadly have no time to stuck around to talk to people, was the case of as soon as he finished get the gear packed away into the car and to make our way to the next event.

As we arrived it was really busy to park, we got there just after 1.30 PM and CJ had to be on at 2.30PM.




Now as a artist its not as simple as singing into a microphone or even strumming on a guitar and Job done, if you have events your going to that does not have a Pa System, speakers, lighting etc you have to buy it and take it with you to the event your going to.
I helped CJ get things from the car he needed, and we went into a section on the stage to put the equipment down, I noticed a really wonderful voice from Mark David Roberts and fell in love with his music. CJ showed me around the boat that was behind the stage which held a restaurant Upstairs i do believe and a bar downstairs. This is where we met the guy who booked CJ, and then off we went back to the stage.
I did not manage to take any pictures as i forgot to but i did manage to capture it on video, off benches and i think a tent towards the back of the festival, also there were these really odd stone seats which looked really cool, and you would expect them to be not great for sitting on but they were great !!!!



As you can see from the picture above of Mark David Roberts, playing whist CJ was talking to the sound guy about things, and i thought this would be a great shot to capture of them all (:

I noticed quite a few photographers, and did not want to miss out on the action of capturing the day as well, but with us being on a tight time i did not want to wander off to far in case CJ needed my help (:

Of course you have to make sure every time you go to a event to make sure the guitar and other bits of equipment are at the rights levels etc, before going on stage.



Choosing the right set list for each concert, gig, event you play is often the key to winning your fans hearts, one of the great things about music, is adding little tweaks to your voice, or to the instrument you are playing  to make certain bits of that track sound amazing.
This was the case with his latest single Floating which i will leave links at the end where you can buy it !!!!

On his vocals there was some reverb and oh boy did it sound so freaking awesome.
much like when you hear songs recorded in a studio its just making small difference to an already  talent and a great voice just that little more special, it was a powerful song, and i loved hearing it live !!!

I will also go into what difference it makes to your songs in different environments a little later on (:

I have in my mind what i want to create when it comes to putting the video Together of our adventure, inc looking into doing something with water or clouds when CJ sings Floating, but shall see when i start editing the video (:

I think CJ performed for about 40 Minutes and then we had to quickly get everything packed down and back in the car ready to travel to Stamford at the venue Mama Liz's

We had some more laughs in the car and one bit which i think was the most memorable insight into his life so far, was that he told me about His records he brought growing up, being brought by i think the owner of Oscars wine Bar In Grantham.  which he put them all along the wall !!!
So next time i go in there, which i am hoping is in a few weeks due to a big night being put on for the DJ which is leaving, i will have to have a look and see if i can see the records.


I had never been to Stamford, i think maybe ages a go i was in a car being drove by it but i cant remember haha.
So as we drove Through the town to get to Mama Liz's it was cool to see all the buildings in this cool stone type thing, yes i am not good with words or describing stuff lol.
I liked the shapes and designs off the buildings although i think i would go a bit nuts if i lived there as I love colour on Buildings way to much (:

The picture above was took from Google as I could not get a distant shot.
As we Arrived we made a few trips from the car with the gear to the spot where CJ was going to play this time with it being a restaurant, it did not have any speakers etc which you do not expect it to.

Gear inc, 2 big speakers, lots cables, Extensions, and much more !!!
Again my camera failed me in getting any good shots of the place, but it was a unique place with pictures of Artists that had performed at the place, Reptiles on the way and other cool stuff.



 He said to me in the car that at some places that he has been for a gig they have wanted some Irish and Caribbean songs which he struggles to play due to the syncopation between the beat and the vocals. he admitted himself that he judges his on work to a high standard and that he said i sounded awful because it was just so hard to sing to the tunes, i think when your very dedicated to what you do you will critique your own work because you wanna make sure when your booked to play the very best you can, it not only makes the owners and audience have a good time and give you good feedback but then can lead to word of mouth from people to land you other gigs !!!

While CJ was playing food for the people was being brought out and i was sat at a table with some people that had just got theirs and boy did it look and smell so good.
this was one of the menus i could find and i think they do other meals as well (:




You can see better quality images of my work at the links after this blog (:

While CJ was playing his set he made sure to ask for any song choices, and made sure to make jokes and communication to the audience, this then makes for a more Dynamic feel to the evening.

I am very bad at remembering details of things but halfway through his set, CJ was talking about how he got into music, and played a song from someone who Inspired him to learn to play.
You can really tell that every song CJ plays he plays with passion, his vocals are always outstanding, but on this one song it really went through my body, not from the guitar but his sheer powerful voice.
He mentioned to me after packing down that he really gave it his all, after singing and playing for a long time you know when your voice is at its best and he said to me that it felt right to play it.

I got the chance to hear Floating not once but twice in one day !!!
I loved the song but we both agreed that playing in different environments makes a huge difference to the way we hear music, we both agreed that although he played well, the way it sounded at the festival was so much better.
I mentioned to him about when i went to see him Busking in town, he was in a small archway In Grantham but the way the sound not only surrounded where he was but was able to boost it so that people at a far distance could hear it just as loud and it sounded perfection !!!

It really just amazes me even listing to music at home the differences from putting your phone into a cup and using that as a amp to make it louder, when your watching on your laptop in the kitchen how much louder it is to compared to watching it in your room !!! Sound really does confuse me sometimes haha ???



The whole time CJ was playing, I noticed some really cool shadows going off on the wall caused by the Led lights he carries around with him to most of the gigs he goes to.

This then caused some great photo chances to create some really cool stuff, sadly it did not quite go the way i wanted it to, but after posting it on Facebook CJ seemed to off liked it (:

So it was now time to finish and head back home or so i thought !!! MR CJ aka talk of the town haha.
When you love what you do, but also have always met people at other gigs or even people who have never heard you wants to speak to you, of course you stay to chat.

Overall  CJ must of chatted to people for over a hour, I enjoyed what was being said, but at that point i was tired lol, I love days out but never been one for managing anything over 5 hours.

As we was leaving a staff came over and mentioned that everyone loved him playing, which that is what you want to come away feeling that you did a great job (:

On the way home, we had lots of different talks, I picked up what someone was saying to CJ about what brand his speakers were, and that his dad brought them ages a go, in a shop for only 20 pounds, they were unbranded as well and sounded amazing.
A true statement was made by him saying you do not need the most expensive gear in the world to make you sound great, because if your out of tune, and cant play, the speakers will only make that worse haha, or something along those lines !!!

We got talking about sometimes how people just think what you do in life is easy for example CJ was saying that he wanted to learn a song and took him 3 weeks to learn.

Which then got me chatting about my line of work that some people think its just a click of the camera and that is it.



As i started to explain about the editing how frustrating it can be to sit through the images and even when you start editing them, you start doubting your shot and wanting to go onto another one which may of the same thing but caught the light better, or the way the person was moving etc.
CJ already knew this as he commented about it at the same time i did haha.
As you can see from the picture above, this was a picture i posted with a write up over on my website which i hardly update... doh !!!.

It went into the different settings you can use on photoshop i will link to the post at the end (:
I then went onto why i wanted to start my own business and the trouble i have with Video production.
How after a days shooting, the work is not over, you have to import them into the project, think of how the video project is going to be, sometimes you cant follow a pattern off well if i have 18 clips it makes sense to put them in the order taken ??? Not always.
It all depends how you want the outcome of the video, For example if your making a video with hardly any talking, and your adding music to it,then you have to think which clips go best with it.
On top of that if you want to make the video into something that will be loved and shared more you have to think about motion graphics, and , ahh i could go on all day why video production is one of the hardest things to do media wise !!!

Its the main reason i have decided to upload the photography first, write this and then i can just foucs on the video.

Overall the day went down like a charm, the man is the same person weather you bump into him in town, or see him live at a event (:

It was a privilege to have a insight into his life, but to also help throughout the day, meet new people, hear great artists, and now help out with what i am doing now !!!

I am just so glad i started branching out into the music scene because its given me chances i could never dream off and then to top of the great day, you have this legend Share my post commenting about the day and a reply which goes like this.

Check out this write up and amazing photos taken by my good buddy Daniel Marshall after our gig trip yesterday! Dan has an amazing eye for taking great photos so if you want any photography for your event/gig/party or even just promo shots for your act then give him a shout, he's just starting out so his fees are very low currently but his skills are worth way more and with him now being the official CJ Hatt photographer that should be reference enough!
I could not believe what i was seeing when i read this, to me i am still learning, my photography is not the best in the world but in my own opinion i think what makes me stand out and why people believe in my work, is i try to help my local community a lot, i know what i am doing and have the creative vision of what i want to try and achieve, doesnt mean it always comes true but its there for when it goes right, i then know not only how to do the media things but also how to get the content out there as well (:

So if you have never heard of CJ Hatt then please check him out, may i add he was only at Glastonbury this year !!! pure talent from our little but creative town of Grantham, which is in Lincolnshire (:

Thank you for reading, please feel free to share this, and if your a local artist looking for some media coverage then please feel free to get in touch

Quote of the day When it comes to gear and equipment, it's not about  size that matters If you don't hone your craft, the best kit in the world won't hide it.....

CJ Hatt links -
https://www.facebook.com/cjhattofficially
https://twitter.com/cjhattofficial
https://www.instagram.com/cjhattofficial/
https://itunes.apple.com/gb/album/floating-single/id1084007322

https://www.facebook.com/markdavid.roberts.14

My Social Media Links

https://www.facebook.com/dmpphotographyuk/

  https://twitter.com/DanMediaP

https://twitter.com/DMPWORLDMUSIC

https://twitter.com/DanielMVlogs

https://www.instagram.com/dmpadventures/

http://dannytheexplorer.tumblr.com/

http://dmpuk.weebly.com/

Grantham Tennis Club A year in the making !!! | Daniel Marshall Adventures

In this blog post you will learn how Grantham Tennis club, has not only made my life better but so many others which started with the Feeling good Project in August 2016 !!!!

The last time i had took part in a project was when i was around 17-18 In Nottingham to learn how to play golf, i used to partake in sports nearly everyday but when i Moved to Grantham up until last year, I hardly did any sports and i struggled a lot to go for long walks.

here is a picture of young me trying to look cool haha,




While i was seeking help for my mental health issues. I came across a leaflet for a project lasting  12 weeks.  This scheme was to teach people how to play tennis, help with their social skills, but the main objective was just to come down for 2 hours  every week and have fun (:

For me this was something that i knew would be a test of my physical health, and a chance to do something i have always wanted to learn.
The only tennis i ever did was with someone and that was just hitting the ball any old how just to get the ball to the other person. There was no scoring to think about, positioning, heck I never did any serves, it was just the case of getting out for  a hour every few weeks, and getting enjoyment out of it (:

As i arrived i was greeted by Dale, who with other staff from the club set the project up.
He had a chat with me, and asked a member of staff to give me a tour around the club.
I had seen the place for the outside many times in my travels around Grantham, but until i was shown around i never knew how much it had to offer like,

An amazing Cafe,with plenty of seats even sofas, with a great view of the indoor courts, great for watching people play,


I got to see the gym, which was top class, and even had a upstairs, which then leads through a door, onto the balcony, to watch tennis upstairs,



which you can then access
Exhale Therapy you will find a wide range of treatments offered by experienced professional therapists.

Whether you are looking for help with your injury, advice with your general wellbeing or wanting that special treat for yourself, you need look no further.

• Sports Massage
• Sports injury rehab and prevention – Taping
• Pregnancy and relaxation massage
• Deep tissue massage / Swedish massage
• Facials / Waxing / Nails and Calgel / Tints
• Holistic therapy – Reflexology / Aromatherapy / Basalt Hot Stones / Reiki
• Mindfulness
• Hypnotherapy 

Also home to Blue owl Art -Is an art gallery based in Grantham which brings contemporary art and craft to Grantham Tennis Club

At the club, you also have a bar, A reception area, with staff always friendly, up for a chat, and a selection of different tennis Ratchets and balls to buy, as well as a huge ratchet with sticky notes, where you can post about something that inspires you about tennis.
The club also has, a clubhouse, 4 astro, 5 clay courts, and mini courts for juniors (:





I was amazed at the high standards of the place, and i was told that only a few years back, the club only had a few courts, as was not like the place you see here today, i am so glad the business has been able to expand and was able to put on the project which you will know how well the outcome of that was a little later on in this post (:

As the first session started, Dale explained how the project was going to work, with fresh fruit being served every week,

He mentioned that at the end of the course there would be a chance to win some awards, and your very own racket. At the end of the project would also be a Christmas meal where we could all enjoy a meal and a nice get together.
what we had learned from the first session was how to watch were the ball is going, by throwing and catching, may seem very basic skills to learn, and something that people may go, why would we need to do this rather then play tennis ???
A big part of tennis, is watching the ball, watching the other player, where that person is standing, if you can not keep up with the pace of the ball, you will find it hard to return a shot, if you can not see where the other player is standing, you can not make a judgement, of where you would like to place your shot to win the point.
 like most things you see on TV, like bike racing, cars, football etc, you can not really grasp how fast things are moving in real life, what may seem really slow and easy to learn by watching it, does not mean it is the same when doing it in real life.


If a player is serving and gets a speed of over 100 MPH, on TV you think meh, that is nothing when in reality this is what your brain is thinking - watching the ball come at you with speed, where is it going to bounce, does it have spin on the ball, how am i going to return it, where do i want to return it, and so on, Serving is the most essential part of the game as it can really shake your confidence for the rest of the game.
so learning to watch and catch the ball, helps with your movement, positioning and vision of where the ball is going to go.
another part of good eye contact and learning how to hold a racket, is being able to bounce the ball on top of it  while moving. After learning different skills, we then used soft balls, to work on hitting it to each other to get a rally going, hitting the ball in a straight line is no easy task, even with ultra soft balls, you have to learn to watch where the ball is going and make sure you have the right position of grip, and standing in the right direction to keep the rally going.

You then went further and further back which meant you now had to adjust your power to get it over the net, while at the same time keeping it mostly going straight to the other player.

Lastly we worked on backhands, and having a small match still with the soft balls, and just playing the point out.

I went away feeling great and happy, and wished the next session would come around sooner.



As the sessions progressed, we went from soft balls to proper ones, working on getting our feet moving and running for the ball to return it, as in tennis, you are allowed one bounce only, if the ball is played soft, low etc you can not expect it to come to you, this is where the cardio part of your game comes into play !!!

A series of deep feeds to the corners of the court was done so that you not only had to run to it but in that moment decide where you are going to hit it, what power, etc, both forehand and backhands are needed in your game, to not only get the ball over the net but to try and win the point.

We worked on net shots how best to return it, smashes, so if the ball is high in the air, you have to learn to make sure your body is sideways on, watching where the ball is going to land, and where you want to place the smash to make it harder for the other player to return it.

One of the best moments across the project, was a little fun game called botch.
you split into 2 teams on either side of the court, the idea is the coach will feed the ball to a player, and you play out the point, whoever goes for the ball and misses, is then out, you play until there is only one  player left on one side of the court, and that person has to try and get the other remanding players out before they win the point and you lose.

Its fun because  so many people on the court, sometimes you are unsure who is going to hit it, its fast paced and a barrel of laughs.

Going back to the start of blog where i mentioned about serves, In the 12 weeks we got taught about how important serves are, about the rules of the serves that you get 2 tries however if it clips the top of the net on your first serve, you still get 2 more serves, etc .To  this day  its something that i am learning because there are many different ways of how to position yourself, how high to throw the ball, varying your serves, from a fast serve to a soft one where it just goes over the net and can sometimes surprise the other player, you will find that a player who is naturally good at fast serves, will put a lot of pressure on the others game, not only that but if you can master the fast with the soft, it will put even more pressure on as, they will expect to be standing further back in order to return your fast serve but then have to rapidly run in to the net, making the player often make mistakes as they are not thinking of where the other player is, yet along what shot to play, other then just being able to get the ball over the net.
The thing with serving is your always trying to improve it, and can take years to get it to a really good standard, i will explain about how i have been developing my serve later on.

6 weeks into the course and it honestly just flew by, I was enjoying myself more and more, and making some good friends, everyone skills and understanding of the sport was coming along nicely and was amazed how good people were.

Now that we was halfway into the project, we started having more matches, singles and doubles, learning the positions in double matches, but also playing fun games like doubles champions, where the team that wins stays on as champions until someone beats you, and takes your place.

The coaches would often also join in, which brought the competitiveness out of me and loved it, i have always been able to play to my best, if i am trying to show my teacher that i can beat them (:





With only a few weeks left until the project finished, the advanced stuff was starting to be taught.
Like how to put spin on your serves, forehands, how to return a shot on the rise and fall.
More mini games like having 2 teams on either side of one half of the court, with cones on the other.
Using what you learned with serving, trying to knock over the other teams cones and at the end of say 5 Minutes the team with the less cones wins.

I could go into more detail about sessions but overall, there was never a dull moment, the coaches were always up for a laugh and a banter, they trained you hard but fair making sure you was ok, telling you to take breaks to get a drink if you needed it and making sure everyone was coping with what was being taught.
From when i first started till now i was made into a much better tennis player, it took me weeks just to be able to get a serve over, and now i am working on improving my serve all the time.

I had no idea to start with about thinking tactical about tennis, even though there is so much to think about, i guess like with most things in life, it was hard to learn but at the same time it was just very chilled out and fun, and that was the key element, going away  from the session, having learned something, being able to get exercise and feeling good and happy, hence the project name of feeling good.

It was now the end of the project, and time for the Christmas meal, the last session was made just to have a lot of laughs before getting changed for the meal.
Lovely festive table was laid out, the week before we gave the club our choice of the meats we liked,so that on the day the staff knew who was having what.

The meal was lovely and was nice to see how everyone was all smart looking for the occasion.
Coaches and staff were there to offer awards, for attendance, best forehand, best dressed etc.
I got 2 awards, one for a speech i did, i thought it would be nice to thank all the staff for their hard work, to mention how much i enjoyed the project and other things,
the other award was for attending every session.

Like with 99 percent of things i do in life, i always make sure to get there early but to also never miss anything either.
I really enjoyed the night, and was over the moon to be holding my own  racket, that i did a video about how i felt the project went but also photography of the awards i got (:




It was mentioned at the meal that the session would continue a few weeks later but a fee of a few pounds would be  needed, which was fair due to the time and effort the staff but into the project in the first place, and it was good that they wanted to keep it going.

I was very excited as the last thing i wanted to do was to stop playing tennis after learning so much.
At the sessions carried on i arranged with a friend, to meet half a hour before the session to have a quick hit, as we both loved tennis so much.
One person who i got on very well with could not make it to the sessions due to him being in sleaford and getting a job,which was a shame as he was a amazing player.

within a month of the sessions starting,again we played even more matches, and got working on improving all of our skills,whilst learning a few different things.
This was also the time i decided, that i had fount something that not only was the  place that made me the happiest but something i enjoyed more and more, so i joined the club.
I was told about the socials which ran Monday and Friday 10-12, a place where members of the club, could come along to have some friendly game of doubles and be social.
This was my first step at seeing what my skills were like in a proper doubles match, and playing with members that had been playing tennis for a very long time.
For the first few socials i was very anxious, and was making a lot of mistakes, i was also not used to the level of players skills, and just took time to adapt myself.
I made it my goal to still go to the sessions, but to play at socials and arrange with my friend once a week to have a hit as well.



Now that i had learned everything about tennis up to this point, it was just finding my rhythm, I was good at serving with some cheeky soft serves close to the net, but i was having the problem off the percentage of them going in.
I could do some really epic serves but most of the time i would be double faulting, something you can not afford to do if you was playing in a competition.

I got a lot of tips for the players, about trying to throw the ball higher, and also when you start getting into a stage where you can do that, start watching where your hitting the ball when it comes back down.
at i mentioned above the serving is one of the hardest parts in the game, its not as simply as chucking it up and hitting it.

At the same time, if you focus all your attention on the serve your brain wont have time to get back into the game and watch where the other player has returned your serve to, so you have to think about so much at once when playing tennis.

In February 2017 The club was looking for members to put their names down to be part of a team to enter the swimmarthon over at the meres leisure center, i wrote a post about the experience so i wont go into a lot of detail.

All i can say is, it really tested my stamina and push my limits, it was great to be a part of a team, to represent the tennis club and have fun.

As April hit Talks of another Project for the club was under going, which gave exciting opportunities.
Dale had asked me, if i would like to Join him, on Gravity Fm our local Radio station, to talk about how the project has helped me but to also promote Feeling Good again,
12 more funded weeks were going to be on offer, which was great as i wanted to see even more talent come to the club !!!




I could not ever imagine being on the radio, a very new aspect to my life was starting as the following week, Thanks to connections from the club, Me, Dale, and James Prior one of the coaches at the club, got the chance to speak about the project again this time with a bigger audience across Lincolnshire, at BBC Radio Lincolnshire.

It was a really fun Day out as we went in the car and had lots of chats about a lot of things, I got to see parts of Lincolnshire i had never shown going by, and Dale even stopped for me to do some photography of a amazing looking Building.

While waiting to go on air, The club was mentioned a few times, with all of us smiling hehe (:
melvyn prior, was the host interviewing us, Dale and James spoke about How the project went, and even i got a chance to speak about mental health and how much the club had changed my life.
Which was true, i still suffer with mental health, but being at the tennis club makes life that little bit easier, i feel happy, and had made me into the person i am today (:




Links to the interview will be at the end of this post (:

Being a part of the club, only made me a more confident person, but also more dedicated to get stronger an faster, which lead me to take part in the coach to 5k course ran by Grantham Running Club !!!!

Who connected with the tennis club in order to hold the sessions there, even if the manager of the club got involved in this project which was amazing to see, how well businesses work Together (:
I had written many posts about the running club, so i will not say anymore about it, otherwise i will be going off topic onto what this post it about hehe.

With doing so much physical sport, Injuries can often come into play, a month into doing the running alongside tennis i picked up my first minor leg problem.

my whole left leg, was very painful to walk on, which meant i had to take my first week of tennis since i started playing, and miss 2 sessions of the running club.

When you love being outdoors but also have a strong love for the things you do, it can be so frustrating not being able to do them, it is always best though not to push through it and to take the rest your body is telling you otherwise you will end up doing more harm then good (:

As with times i had struggle in life with my mental health i came back stronger then ever.
I had made a plan that every time i would go to the social games, i would get there a hour early to warm up my serves and other parts of my game, this often lead to meeting more people anyway, due to most people at the club who took part in the social getting there at least half a hour before it starts to do the same thing.

I find the socials always a laugh, pulling off shots that i never know how thats possible, and to this day i have connected with so many people, that everyone just makes me feel so welcome.

I think in a week, as well as the Project every Wednesday, i must play tennis 3-4 times a week.
I am able to play tennis more and more because of the club putting on more socials days,
I think around may time it was announced that a social would start on Saturday and i tell you what its gone down so well, to the point there are more players then courts sometimes haha.

My next steps Towards progressing my skills, was playing at competition level.
So i decided to ask if i could be put down in a team for the club.
Which would play matches across other tennis courts across Lincolnshire but also on their home ground at the club.

Fate had called as a chap who was part of my team for the swim marthon was set to be my partner going into my first doubles match.

A fee of course had to be paid, in order to play as well as bringing something to eat so everyone who was playing could sit down after, talk to each other and enjoy some food (:

In life you have Ups and down, which can often happen in playing sports at a competitive level, not matter how much you enjoy the sport you are playing there are times when you question not playing ever again.
It was my toughest test one of which, impacted my mental health a lot, as from playing so well in the socials, i suddenly forgot everything i had learned and could not play making me get more frustrated at myself, and well my game only getting worse and worse.
I ended up for days tearing myself up of this, because the matches lasted for 3 hours, on a normal day i would be physically fit to manage it but at such a competitive level it drained me.
I was in pain physically and mentally for days, and never wanted to pick up a  racket again !!!

Luckily The members and staff from the club even my friend all showed me support, talked some sense into me and a week later, had a new mind set of not giving up and trying harder then i ever had done.

The Blue owl art was holding a exhibition of work being on offer to public to buy, so i decided to pop along to have a look around.

You can tell by now how much i love tennis when i am there for this even and i am more drawn to watching the tennis that was happening indoors !!!! (:
It was a hour of Intense Cardio, lead by the amazing talented coach Lewis Rae, who also took the sessions for the feeling good project.

In life when you make a decision you stick with it so that is what i did, i went down after the session had finished to have a work with him about it, and by next week i was partaking.

This saw how keen i really was to amp up my skills, my game, my fitness levels and so much more.
I came away feeling super happy, and had some really good practice as deep forehands, backhands, running to the net to get drop shots and doing a fun mini game which got everyone laughing (:

A few weeks later i saw the same chap for the 3rd time who was my partner for the doubles matches.
He had managed to get some funding from a local church, to offer the feeling club memebers a feast of pure yummy treats, scones with jam, teas and coffees, huge strawberries, chocolates and so much more, it was a great afternoon and instead of being healthy i decided just to aim to eat the chocolates hehe what can i say i have a sweet tooth (:



Just over a month a go members of the feeling good project got the chance to be in a picture,
as well as kids who were learning how to play tennis, as the club had won a award for  their Disability Program of the Year Awards for the Midlands.

The club has a lot of talent coming through at the moment and has a wonderful Program to help people who need to use a wheelchair to be able to still play tennis and you know what do not let the fact that they have to use one fool you, some amazing players competing at a very high level, that will give anyone a hard test to beat them in a match (:

When i am not playing tennis its just nice to head to the club for afternoon to watch people play. One afternoon i was just in shock to see kids around the age of 10 play out of this world, I believe there was Regional championships taking place and wow, it put me to shame, to see these kids making it look so easy why us adults have to work harder and harder just to play the shots they were haha (: Again this made me want to train ever harder, in all aspects my game and my fitness. One weekend i had played the best tennis ever because i had a lot of adrenaline rush running through me, due to doing Park run at Rutland water in the morning, and then for some reason decided i was not tired and wanting to play in the social.
which leads into the last few weeks which is August. A flyer was on the desk at the club about a closed Tournament just for the club members, you could participate in doubles, singes, novice doubles and many others. One of the coaches mentioned i should enter the doubles, and bring along one of the members from the project, The thing with me is i love playing at the social a lot, and can play great shots but learning where to stand, and be able to communite with your partner was something i lacked a lot of, i much preferred playing singles, although you have to run for every ball, its much more fast paced and suits my playing style, so that is what i decided to enter.

This was another chance to see how much my skills had come along, i made the decision to stop going to the running club for the next few weeks so i could focus on training for the competition ahead. One day while i was at the club, a friend pointed a chap to my direction who talked to me for about half a hour who was helping me with getting a better serve in, it was nice to see members of the club just taking their time out to help others (: These tips improved the percentage of my serves and i was really happy, i tested this is the social games and really worked, and had some great games.

Then yet again, as you work harder and harder in life to try and better yourself things do not seem to go right, I changed nothing with my serve because, it was working for me, but for some reason 90 percent of my first serves were not going over the net and my second serves rate was rapidly getting worse as well.
The more i focused on fixing what was wrong the worse my game got. This was now worrying me for the big games ahead, on the day of the matches, i had a hour practice with a friend and played a hour of social my game was great but again my serve was not improving. In the competition in my opinion i played against to of the best the club has, Rob, who works at the club, and Tim who is one of the receptionists, both players played top class, both plays had really fast serves that put my whole game under pressure, making me make silly mistakes and running for every ball.
It was fun to play in the matches as it push my limits, it helped me learn how to read their serves. To start with i struggle to even return a serve but after losing a few games i got used to the pace. After playing my first match with rob, i got chance to have a hit with Tim, that is when my game completely fell apart. He has the fastest serve i have ever seen, and for some reason my whole body was shaking, my feet heavy and i could not run as fast towards the ball as i normally had. yes the last competition i entered affected the way i felt, but even in those games i was not shaking. It could have been many things, such as the weather as it was over 20 degrees and anytime it is i struggle to cope, could even be the fast serves that messed with my head, who knows all i knew is that i was struggling more and more. Overall i was happy that i gave it a go, i still have a lot to learn and train for and i am ready to keep pushing myself and to keep improving. The club is still searching for more funding in order to help with putting on more projects so that more people can get out, join in, have fun and learn to play tennis (: So why has Grantham tennis club changed my life so much??? If it was not for the amazing staff and members of the club making me feel welcome i would not have been able to come more out of my shell and starting building my life up, thanks to them, i had more drive in my life, to learn about photography, to start covering events and helping my local community, they gave me the drive, to get stronger, faster and even if its only for a few hours a day to help my overall mental health !!!!

I only wish more businesses in Lincolnshire could get the funding to help out, it was great that this scheme was open to all ages as you find in places like Nottingham where i was born that their are schemes to help young people up to the age of 18 and sometimes 25 but no social stuff for adults. I think that as a whole, funding projects, help, seems to stop after the age of 18 and that your classed as ok ! now you can deal with life yourself and you have to go out there and find things to do and people to meet. with my depression and aniexty i often find it hard to go and find these things so when you have projects like the feeling good project, it really made me into a new person (:
I would love to be able to expand the sports i do, like getting into football again, playing badminton as i used to play it every week in Nottingham, when i had finished school and i would say i was really good at it, would be nice to see Lincolnshire get funding for sports of all ages, this again would improve your overall mental health (: So what are my next steps with tennis? Well i am going to keep training off course, and enter more competitions, the more you enter the more you will get used to the level of play. work on my social skills more because although i get on well with people from the club, my heart is focused so much on playing tennis that i often do not stop to chat with people .
It would be cool, to be able to promote the club some more, by going on the radio, and helping them with finding funding to continue the project. Someday i would like to learn about coaching, so that i help be a part of the club and teach people tennis (:

last but least weather its singles or doubles once i have worked on improving my game to a good standard is to play matches away from the club, in a team like i tried to do before. Just maybe one day on a young lads dream, be good enough to play at much bigger events that are published on T.V !!!!!!!



Thank you all for reading my Journey of my tennis career, its been a long read i know but i hope you have some understand of how learning tennis can help you in life and why the community of Grantham is a rare place because i have never had such a loving caring and supportive group of people in my life like Grantham has provided !!!!!!!

Want to find out more !!!! then look below and have a nice day (: Grantham tennis club Interview -
Full Voice Interview

https://soundcloud.com/dmpworldmusic/bbc-radio-lincolnshire-interview-grantham-tennis-club Grantham Tennis club social link https://www.facebook.com/granthamtennisclub/
https://twitter.com/GTCManager https://clubspark.lta.org.uk/granthamtennisclub Follow Melvyprior here https://twitter.com/melvynprior My Social Media Links

https://www.facebook.com/dmpphotographyuk/

  https://twitter.com/DanMediaP

https://twitter.com/DMPWORLDMUSIC

https://twitter.com/DanielMVlogs

https://www.instagram.com/dmpadventures/

http://dannytheexplorer.tumblr.com/

http://dmpuk.weebly.com/

 


 




 



















 
































 

Grantham Live Music Scene, The Mummy, Mouse Trap & Jasper Cain, 05-08-17 | Daniel Marshall Adventures

Gosh its been a hell of a week, was meant to have this up by now, i just had a lack of creativity and motivation to write  this so here goes !!!!!!!

After a few months of not going to see live gigs due to it being to much on my anxiety, i decided to to come out of my comfort zone, as i missed it the the thrill and excitement but also taking photography of the performers (:

On Saturday 5th August 2017 I went to see Mouse Trap, Mummy And Jasper Cain At Castle Gate In Grantham My friend Trevor Bunn was Hosting it, Whenever he is around at the gigs i feel much better about going because i know someone there, and also even if we do not talk a lot i just feel more safe and happy with him being there (:

Mouse Trap was up first so as always i made sure to be up front, to not only get the best surroundings for listening to music but to capture photography (:

These Guys were amazing, again my eyes and ears were focused more on the drums, haha Thats just me i like all of a song but seem to find myself often tapping away to the beat.

You have heard of battle of the bands but in this case it was battle of the photographers !!!

You can see my camera in the corner, then you have Annie Gascoyne also know as Alternative Annie
She is a photographer but also write Blog posts, you can find out more about her here (:
https://anniesalternative.wordpress.com

here is a few of her pictures she took of the night (:





You then Had Trevor behind Taking photography as well, and all i could see at the side of me was them laughing at each other as they had to battle with who was going to get the best shots haha

The next band blew my mind away, and was the highlight of the night for me.
That is of course Mummy, also known as we are your mummy.

Every song just seem to be better then the last, The drummer was epic,  The lead vocalist Frank has some incredible Tattoos as you can see from the Picture at the start of this blog.
I do not think i have ever seen a man, pour his soul so much into the microphone, as well as doing some great head banding and a moment i wished i had captured on camera.
Luckily enough Trevor got that golden shot haha

I noticed the cool pedals on the floor you can see next to him, i did try to capture these but the photo did not turn out great.

From the amazing drum parts, to the passionate Vocalist you would think that was it but then you had the earth cracking, rib crunching bass, rumbling through your whole body, it was insane.
words of last 2 songs came out of their mouths and i really did not want it to end.
A sure way to end a night on a high is to play a track, that people will remember and to really give it everything you have got.
A nearly 10 Minute song, which Inc a lot of Drops all at once, The music just made you speechless, and i found myself now head banding to it, and just wanting to jump up and down.

You really get a totally different experience when you watch bands play live, you get to live the moment, feel the vibes run through your bones, here tracks that are upcoming and never been heard else where, remixes etc.

I just loved the reaction of this dude, like he is saying Guys.... I can see a mummy !!!!



 I can tell you after that long song, the adrenaline i felt was amazing, they finished with a killer last song as well, My overall opinion i think these guys killed it they showed what Grantham is all about,
They showed how to rock a stage, and to say I do not normally listen to their genre of music, it was like i had fallen in love and listen to them play for years.
They opened my heart to their style of music, I can not say everytime i see a band play oh they were the best band i have ever seen.
I think its hard to choose your Fav band, Thats why the bands that have been coming to Grantham not just at castle Gate but other venues, its just been a good selection of different music, from acoustic, heavy metal, rock and much more.
CJ Hatt Rocks the acoustic style, but Mummy rocks well i would not call it Heavy Metal so lets say the rock section haha !!!

It was around 10 pm and i Realized when i got home after looking on social media I had left before seeing Jasper Cain, Although i was gutted, in another way i felt  it was the right time to leave,
My heart was Racing, and I could hardly hear due to being so close to the speakers !!!
so here is a picture From Trevor (:



It would be Great to see this band one day but also it would be killer to hear The Mummy again !!!!
Overall, it was a great night of music, I really enjoyed myself, and i was really glad to have gone along, as it cant always been done but sometimes you need to put yourself in that position where you might not like being there but once you Focus on just listening to the music, you will feel much better, if i did not go i would not of been able to find new music, have my heart racing, and Capure some great photography of the bands (:

So Thank you to all the bands that came To Grantham, I really hope, More Talent comes to Grantham or is even fount in good old G town !!!!!!!!

If you want to see Full sized Photography of my work from the night + More pictures then please check out my social links after the Bands Social links (:

Mouse Trap Social Links -
https://www.facebook.com/MouseTrapSka/

The mummy social Links -
https://www.facebook.com/weareyourmummy/
http://www.weareyourmummy.com/
https://www.instagram.com/weareyourmummy/

Jasper Cain social Links -
https://www.facebook.com/jaspercainband/
http://jaspercainband.tumblr.com/

Grantham Live Music Scene
https://www.facebook.com/groups/533875863477142/

My social Links-

https://www.facebook.com/dmpphotographyuk/

  https://twitter.com/DanMediaP

https://twitter.com/DMPWORLDMUSIC

https://twitter.com/DanielMVlogs

https://www.instagram.com/dmpadventures/

http://dannytheexplorer.tumblr.com/

http://dmpuk.weebly.com/

Ramblings of a mad man, My personal thoughts ??? | Daniel Marshall Adventures

By now you can tell that i moan a lot, sound like a old man, etc That is why i named this blog ramblings of a old man because once again i just need to get things off my chest how i feel right now ):

The past couple of days have just not been great mentally, and i have fount myself moping around most of the day on my computer not being able to even focus to watch tv shows fully concertinaing.
The weekend that has just gone was a great weekend.
I managed to play my best ever rounds of tennis, i felt happy.
I then after a few months decided to even go out of comfort zone and watch live bands again in Grantham, to which i took photography and was supposed to have posted a blog post about the evening by now !!!!!!
However i just have had no creative spark to write anything, i wanted to even write this post the day before but again i just seem to be standing at my computer most of the time or aimlessly struggling through the internet just so time can fly by.

I dont know what made me feel the way i have been the last few days as this is why its been so frustrating that i still cant get the help In lincolnshire, for my issues.
since i do feel depressed, i do suffer with aniexty, but also from a friend who told me i might be bi Polor due to how i feel which i will explain throughout this post.

On sunday, i had posted most of photography up of the night seeing the bands, it was a great night and i managed to stay, because i was upfront with my back to everyone so i could just focus on the music, seeing the performers and taking photography.
as i sat on my computer on sunday wanting to write the post, my mind just went blank.
Bloggers and writters often get this so i thought i would watch a few shows and maybe i could write it later.
as the day went by i started to feel worse and worse, to the point that, i switched my computer off and tried to take a nap.
the nap turned into me falling to pieces crying about nothing to start with, this happends a lot, i start to feel sad, and 99 percent of the time nothing i do make me snap out of it.
This then led into me thinking about my past.
The truth is the last year and a half since i broke up with my ex, i have tired so much to put it all behind me, get my head down and focus on being who i want to be, which is being creative.
For some reason, 5 out of 7 days, sometimes less differing each week, i think about my ex.
I think about the life we had, i think how much i miss her and how i wish i could turn back time.
Then i think, how much my ex decided to try and ruin my life after we broke up, depsite me causing the break up.
I think of how much she used her parents to come in between us all time that, all couples argue but for some reason she thought it was a good idea instead of sorting it between us to tell her parents all time.
even though she did i still loved her to bits, my only regret was not seeking help for my mental health years before we broke up, so that i could of got the help i needed, and maybe been a better position in life at this current time.
i think if she had learned to talk more about things, and i got the help maybe we would not of broke up. That said, i look back and have come to understand that all my life was depended on her, i never had friends and never tried to reach out for them because i was happy just spending time with her, which again i think if i did have friends, maybe it would have put less stress on us being together so we could have our own time to do things, i could go out and play tennis etc while she went to she her family, I realised now that there is more to life then just being with someone and have tried to much to explore different things to do.
as much as i have tired to cope on my own, grow up and seek the help, i still find it very hard to cope.
I find it hard to Motivate myself to do chores, which is partly to do with my depression.
when i was with my girlfriend, i used to the oppsite then i am now.
i would make sure the house was clean, do the pots, so that on the days she worked she didnt have stuff to worry about, and since i struggled to cook, due to my lack of hand corditation, it meant that i would help clean the pots, set the table etc while she cooked, often i would offer to help but she did not want it.
where as now i struggle to cook for myself, i struggle to often tidy my room, wash the pots etc.
its like if there was a inspection or i had a date come over for example, that need to have it nice, would make me do, and often i feel in life i need that little push for a few days to put me back on track.
but still just like back then, i have days where i know in my head i do not feel quite right, and that i am going to feel rubbish, when i had more then 6 hours spare time when my ex went to work, after 3 hours i would feel like i was losing my mind having nothing to do, and end up doing the same things over and over just to pass the time.
Now yes i do a lot of physical activites but i often still feel this way when i am not doing them.
its like things have changed in my life since the break up but some things havent.
which then puts me on a circle of a life of running out of money and having nothing to save up for a day out etc.
this is due, to the fact of craving even just a hour more happyiness in the day, weather that is, going to play pool, to buying a milkshake, chocolate etc.
it may seem silly that doing these things makes me happy, but it does, and if i try as much as possible not to waste money i find myself falling to peices again.
Going for a walk does not help, trying to have a nap, sleep, just anything does not make the pain go away, i can only hope for something to try and lift it and most of the time i just have to wait it out and wake up the next day trying to not let it take over my life again.

So going back to last few days, sunday was rubbish, i got a bad nights sleep, i woke up and just sat in bed for hours and had to force myself out to the gym, i put all my muscles into it hoping that i could force the pain away.
It worked, later that day i had a meeting with my support worker, about the next steps in my housing and support.
I was told for now we arent going to move you, and i did mention even though its not the best place in the world, i do feel happy with the place i am in,
They also starting filling in another Assesment form to give into the council this time trying to go into more detail about my learning difficults and other such things.
I explained to them i am going to chase up the mental health team about getting help as its been over a month since i re applied and still waiting to be seen by someone.
I only realised now as i write this i was supposed to do it today but with me feeling so rubbish i forgot

it seems ironic that everytime i have a good few weeks, and i have to fill in a sheet with scores that a few hours later that i go into this cycle of really bad depression.
its like my brain knows, and goes right thats enough happyiness you know must feel crap.

I got back home, again not thinking of anything bad, and just started to cry, after about 20 mins, i picked myself up, watched something to make me laugh and then headed back to the gym.
This time i went to do a watt Bike Class, the last one i did, i had to stop half way, i was struggling to move and catch my breath,
and had not gone back to the class since.
i had been working hard on my legs, due to wanting to go back to running after nearly having a month off, as i wanted to focus more on my tennis.

working on my legs pulled off, as i had my best session ever !!!!
The staff who took the class decided to set the hardest setting ever, with red zones lasting 2 mins !!!!
and it being a session off swapping to red and yellow only.

I was doing incredable well, managing it, 10 mins to go and i was struggling a bit but kept pushing through the pain and just listening to the music that was playing, as my brain is so tuned into music, i performed much better in those classes with the music then when i try to do it without.
5mins to go,i was sweating so much, my head hurting, my chest really hurting but i was adamant i will finish this class !!!!
The final 2 mins left my brain in the zone, i go from 80 percent to 90 percent in 10 seconds suprassing everyone elses bulid up.
faster, faster, it was like being in a wind tunnel, nothing was stopping me, i could feel being faster then i ever have when running and i was.
my best targets was a peak heart rate of 183 and getting to 97 percent.
i got to that level and pushed even further, i can honestly say i really dont know how the human body can some how find engry out of thin air, since i was really struggling with 5 mins to go, i had used everything up, and yet i managed to get to 99 percent !!!! not only that i held it for 40 seconds.
Before when doing weights and seeing the screen where the my zone belts track the people in the gym.
looking at the scores of people in the watt bike sessions on days that i was not and one person getting to 99 and thinking how on earth !!!
There i am managing to do the same, in life though its often when we acheive something that you do not get proof of it other then the people that was there at the time.
As i had stupidly forgot to bring my belt so it could send you the results after you finished, i had to have a demo belt on, which sadly does not keep the information since its not registered to anyone.
i walked off the bike, feeling dizzy, but such a rush, to the point it took nearly half a hour, and some cereal to bring me back down to earth.
I put a post up on Facebook saying that i was well impressed with my physical state, because i have never been fitter and stronger in my whole life, i just wished my mental health was the same.
it is annoying that i can acheive in life, but its always in leaps and bounds because of my mental health.
i either really struggle, or i really achieve, this is no middle ground where i can stay level and acheive every now and then while still doing great overall.

sadly when comes the highs comes the lows again a hour after settling down relaxing did i suddenly fell apart again, and had yet another bad nights sleep, with having lots of nightmares.

One point throughout the night, i woke up chocking, as i felt like i was drowing, something i have not felt in over a year and really scared me.

it was also very cold, and you know when you kind of wake up, look around and then end up nodding back off, and you also tell by how bright it is outside it must be a certain time, so its not time to wake up yet?
well i did that, i set a alarm that i cant remember turning off, and did not wake up till 10.30,
my body was hurting, and i just laid there for 10mins looking at the dam wall !!!
i managed to finally crawl out of bed got something to eat and thought write i need to write this blog post about the music.
Yet again nothing was coming to mind, and again ended up watching some stuff online.
Again i dragged myself to the gym, The watt bike class later in the evening was a mixture between the bike and doing intensive workout off the bike, something i have tired before and did it was not really my thing.
Instead i asked if it was ok if no one was using the studio to set up a class, for myself so i could try and get a good record with this time remembering my belt.
The kind staff there set it up, with music and disco lights on !!! hehe, i chosen a less intense workout then the day before and away i went.

I did not beat any targets, but i was happy i tried and enjoyed the session, and here was the results





 I only wished i could have seen the stats of the other day as i know they would of been off the charts and my aveage effort would of been something like 88-90 percent (:

Then something really pissed me off and upset me which then made me think about things.
I am joined in a lot of groups on Facebook, just groups to get to know each other, and have fun.
I Joined a group called Banter 18+ and like every group i am in, i introduction myself, like where i am from, what i like doing etc.
Never had a problem in these sort of groups, until today.
I got comment after comment, of dising me, hateful comments, even very nasty ones.
One person said who is that in your picture, with you, i said my best friend which is the truth.
they laughed and said i thought it was a support worker, and put as if thats your friend.
I put it is with a smile and they just took the piss.
after getting 10+ comments i contacted the admin, who didnt even a dam, and also starting taking the piss.
I dont mind banter, i dont mind having a laugh but i will not have the piss took out of me for no reason.
I dont find it funny, i just think its sad that some people have nothing better to do with there lives then to sit on Facebook, and troll people.

Of course this set my off and started making me think lots of things of how badly people have treated me since i was much younger.

I remember nearly everyday, i was bullied from being beaten up, to nearly ever p.e lesson having my bag took, and things being missing when i got it back, the head teacher and teachers doing sod all to deal with it.
I remember having to use the issue to go to toliet every time i had spanish class because The Teacher who took it was never hardly there and all we would have it temp teachers who the moment had there back to me or left the class for a few moments, the kids would throw stuff at me and say nasty things to me.

Of course my dad not making anything better with everytime i came home with something missing, went up the wall , and when i say mad i dont mean shouting i mean really dam mad.

If it was not being bullied at school it was kids shouting outside the windows of cars passing by, calling me names.
Everytime i caught the bus home, i had things thrown at me etc.

Then years later when i am trying to make friends online because of my fear of getting to know people, do i get people messing me about and people who knew the people who bullied me and thought it was funny to do the same.

When you think, 8 years later that people would of grown up and moved on, you contact a few people you knew from school, not the once that bullied me but just people from my school.
To then be called names, I replied saying at least i am not trying to be this junked up thug thinking they are better then everyone, still acting like a school kid thinking they are in the cool gang and wanting to call people nasty names cause they have nothing better to do with their lives.
of which then them saying at least i dont flinch everytime someone is near me.
its like well der..... cause i will, since most of the people i knew from school just wanted to beat me up, of course that makes me some kind of creep, a faggot, a idiot ????? these are the names people from my school thought of me.
I just do not get why kids are bring brought up to think they are all cool, and that to them, making others feel crap about their lives gives themselfs happyiness.
is there lives that empty, and boring they cant get on with their own lives?

I would say is just the male gender that does it but the females are just as bad.
I also Remember trying to meet some females from the net, again because my social skills in the real world are next to none.
to then be make a fool again, by ringing them up saying where are you, to either get them laughing on the phone saying as if i meet you, you ugly twat, etc and that person i was going to meet being with their friends to also play there sick game of lets laugh at the twat.

or it was the exuse of a day later getting a text saying sorry i was in Hosptial, for one person you think well maybe there might of been some truth to it.
but over a course of years getting the same exuse from about 5 different women, about their dad is in there, or someone, to people even refusing to give out their phone number after arranging the meet so that i could ring to make sure they are there.

All my life weather its online, or offline i just seem to be played like some kind of fool all the time.
some people can not be honest with me and make lie after lie up and when the people are honest its abusive, and nasty !!!!!

People expect me just to get over my problems, my issues etc and yet how can i when if its not my own problems stopping me in life its other people,

Again this somehow makes me the issue that i am a monster a creep etc, and yet is wanting to be accepting, wanting to talk to people really a monster????

A prime example of people not being able to be honest and making up lies because they just do not want to talk to you, is Facebook.

I have never been able to get over the fact of approaching a woman, just to have a chat and become friend in the real world, that is not me i hid behind my computer where i feel confident and i am able to be the person i want to be and talk to people.
Because i have been helping my local community so much it would be nice to connect with more people in my local area weather that be males or females.
Other i have had bad luck with the way women reply to me on social media, i still for some reason find it easier to be able to find a few people to talk to rather then males who normally take the piss out off me, i am lucky that i have some great male friend in my life, through my networking skills and through gym, tennis etc.
The other day i contacted this woman, who lived in Grantham, and went to college in Grantham, stated by her profile,
so i sent her a message just simply saying that i wanted to get to know people across the local area.
Her reply was i am not from Grantham, i replied emm yes you are it states it on your profile, she then replied with oh it must be a mistake with a wink face, and before i had chance to reply i was blocked !!!

Like really why are people not brought up with manners anymore, and why do people find it funny to a not be truthfully and b not play silly games.
I can take a rejection on the chin if someone said to me, for example sorry not looking for anymore friends etc, but when someone decides to lie and find it funny, then it annoys me.

Then people wonder why i have aniexty, that is why.
my aniexty has gotten worse over the last few months that unless i am foucsing on what i am doing, i find it hard to be around others.
take the music events i go to, if there are 3 band playing with each band taking a 10min break before the next one is on, i find myself, looking around, making sure no one is to near me, i go on my phone for no reason not because i am bored, but because unless i am doing something, i feel on edge, i start to panic, which had often lead to me leaving gigs early.
Same when i am at the gym, can be room full of guys all, just foucsing on what they are doing and yet will i go in there, no because i dont want people looking at me, i am not as strong as most people in the gym, and i often do things wrong, so i dont want to seem like a fool.

When i am avoiding a room full of people i end up drinking water when i do not need, to standing there looking like a idiot, waiting for my friend to finish on the equipment, or whoever is on it.
when i workout on my own at the gym, your suppose to take a min break after ever set, and yet i dont because again, i feel silly if i have nothing to do, which then ends up me hurting my body because its not had the rest it needs.

If my most happy place at tennis, i am often like this, i am not as bad but still unless i am doing something, i just end up falling to bits.

This has been my circle of life, i want to achieve so bad to prove people wrong that i put my body through so much.
i want to explore more of Lincolnshire, and do more things in life, which involves being social and being the public view but again i often back away from things because of being scared of people around me or doing something new.

I want to make friends but i have to resort to sending messages to people online because i can not just strike a convo up with someone.

I often here as well people to say so much, your still young, it takes time,... Time is the word that i heard so much.
For me i view time as after a year and a half after the break up, i am still no closer to getting help with my problems, time lost being stuck in the house, due to my problems, time lost, doing nothing all day when i have things to do.
Losing time everyday, because my aniexty seems to only be getting worser day by day.
so when someone turns around to me, and says you will get used to it.
I say to myself, how??? I exhausted all options to try and be the person i crave to be.
I have tried all opitions to get help to get permanent housing, to do things to make me happy???

Yes i may do sports, gym, running, pool, photography, videos, music, blogging, social media marketing, and other things, and yes maybe i have come a long way since the start of 2016 ???

In my own opinion i cant think of a reason that i have come along way when i still feel a wreak in life.

It gets that bad that, i have to crave physically actives even after doing them earlier in the day and my body hurting, to get out of the house, to try even for a hour to feel some kind of happyines !!!

I try to think everyday that if i stand a chance with finding more friends or finding someone to be with, that might help my life become better again, that i need to keep trying in life, keep pushing harder and harder to achieve???

How can i expect to have that when i am so messed up,
I remember having  a talk with someone, about mental health, and they said they could not be with someone who struggles a lot in life because it would affect their live.
on one hand i agree but on the other i dont, i think if you really like that person for who they are, you would learn to be there for them and help them through dark times.
Depression like with most things comes in many stages, one of which is loneliness, even i have to admit this that i crave the attention but why do i???
I just simply did not have it most of my life, from my dad that was abusive to my mum, and never having that caring element in my life, to being bullied at school and having no friends, and to even being told i would never acheive in life by people.
A element inside me wants to try with everything i have to prove them wrong,
Maybe thats why some people in my local community support me and talk to me because of my stupid ramblings, i dont know but i crave attention because i never had it in my life.

I can understand by my own actions and others that i often possible post to much about my life, i often possibly moan to much,  and possibly annoy people that way who knows?

I think sometimes we live in such a cruel world that, people look down on others who struggle more then themselfs, that people are so quick to judge someone on their age, the way they look or act.

I think that people see and hear about a depressed person, and choose not to speak to them because they are a werdio etc.

One of my main worries is that when i manage to find someone to be with, would i go back in the same cycle of not wanting to do my own things.

I have built a life around me that i dont want to get rid of it, but because it is the attention i crave, when i able to seek it will it just take over my life.

For some reason when talking to older women i always seem to get on better with them, i think because they are much wiser, been through a lot, and stuff like that, it just makes me feel more safe knowing they wont judge me.
I take that attitude that i do not judge, my dad was awful at that, and everytime he saw someone who was not English he would take a immediate disliking to them.

I am just a open because i dont judge someone on their age, looks, sex, etc.
i think i also take that same approach to friends and dating, a lot of people will say sorry your not my type which really is not a answer but oh well, or to young to old, i only date black people like wtf lol,
me i am just happy talking to anyone, who is accepting of me, who does not judge on my past, or what i look like etc, who understand me and can have adult talk about things.
I am not a robot, i am human, i know when to have a laugh at the right times i know how to have fun, i am just simply a educated person rather then someone who likes to take the piss out of others, just so they can look cool in front of their friends (:

so yeah you may hate me, you may have heard things about me from other people,
but you know what i dont care, if your that low minded to think that way i am better off not knowing you (:
it is always better in life to have a few friends that you talk to a lot and are there for you then to have 2,000 friends on Facebook, thinking your popular, when you probably do not know all of them,  you just like the fact of showcasing a number !!!
its took me a long time to bulid my life this far, i have learned to stand up for myself, to not let bullies walk over me, and to prove to people that i have something to offer, not by wanting money but just to help and to feel accepted in return (:

this has been a really long write for me its gone 2am as i am finishing this, and probs wont wake up till 11am, but if writing this makes me able to have a better day tomorrow then i will happily be a mad man and write !!!!!

Thank you for Reading